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Myth or Fact?


13 years ago 0 1562 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
You always seem so wise - how long have you been sober?  did you do the steps? 

I am living the promises of AA thats all. And am sober little over 4 years and yes I try to work the steps every moment, i should say, i let the steps lead me. 

You can do it too. In the "Power of now" there is a chapter called "Meaning of Surrender": I am going to leave a piece of it here:

To some people, surrender may have negative connotations, implying defeat, giving up, failing to rise to the challenges of life, becoming lethargic, and so on. True surrender, however, is something entirely different. It does not mean to passively put up with whatever situation you find yourself in and to do nothing about it. Nor does it mean to cease making plans or initiating positive action.
Surrender is the simple but profound wisdom of yielding to rather than opposing the flow of life. The only place where you can experience the flow of life is the Now, so to surrender is to accept the present moment unconditionally and without reservation. It is to relinquish inner resistance to what is. Inner resistance is to say "no" to what is, through mental judgment and emotional negativity. It becomes particularly pronounced when things "go wrong," which means that there is a gap between the demands or rigid expectations of your mind and what is. That is the pain gap. If you have lived long enough, you will know that things "go wrong" quite often. It is pre-cisely at those times that surrender needs to be practiced if you want to eliminate pain and sorrow from your life. Acceptance of what is immediately frees you from mind identification and thus reconnects you with Being. Resistance is the mind.
Surrender is a purely inner phenomenon. It does not mean that on the outer level you cannot take action and change the situation. In fact, it is not the overall situation that you need to accept when you surrender, but just the tiny segment called the Now.
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This is every similar to 1st step of AA:

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.

Once we accept our powerlessness, they we are ready for a solution. Until we this happens its very hard to come o
13 years ago 0 653 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Good, Choosing. Please take care and be gentle with yourself! You have a lot on your plate! As I said, baby steps...
 
Keep us posted. We are here for you!
 
Tiana, Health Educator
13 years ago 0 53 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0

I do have a therapist and I emailed her.  I've also told my Mom everything and just got off the phone with her for the thirf time today.  I have to call her again in the morning.  I'm so exhausted

13 years ago 0 653 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Choosing. Ouch. Do you have a counsellor or someone else that you can talk to? Family doctor? It sounds like there are issues at play here that are bigger than this forum can be very helpful with...
 
I suggest in the short term to start/keep doing the program. Get the urges and drinking under control. This is big- take it one step at a time, one day at a time. It's important for you at this stage to experience progress and success, so keep your goals small, reasonable, achievable. Again, this is covered in more detail in the program.
 
I know you can do this!
 
Tiana, Health Educator
13 years ago 0 53 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
My husband won't help.  he's too hurt and angry.  he says horrible things and think sthat "reality" will "help".  he thinks I'm weak and I'm doing this to hurt him  he says I'm going to die alone being eaten by my cats
13 years ago 0 653 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Choosing,
 
You seem detirmined to stop drinking, therefore you might need to focus on how to not give into your urges. What coping mechanisms did you use to fight the urge, the last time you drank?

See this as a learning experience. What will you do next time when presented with this temptation? Virgin cocktail? Food? Alternative activity? Just say "no thanks"? Only you can devise what will work best for you. Make up an emergency coping plan. Better to have a plan in place for this temptation before you ever become tempted.

This was a slip not a relapse. You have made great progress so far! That's great and you should be rewarding yourself accordingly.

Keep persevering! Let us know what coping mechanisms you come up with; is this something your husband can help you with? 

Tiana, Health Educator
13 years ago 0 53 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Thank you.  I'm not going to retaliate.  I haven't had any alcohol since last night.  I believe I deserve the things he's saying but they still hurt.  I don't want to live like this.  I don't want alcohol in my life.  You always seem so wise - how long have you been sober?  did you do the steps? 
13 years ago 0 1562 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Please do not retaliate. Doing so would only aggravate the situation. Perhaps you can have a better conversation tomorrow when you are sober. 

Early in my sobriety because without alcohol it was difficult to manage life situations, I use to just walk away from situations that would only add fuel to the fire. But slowly after the fogginess lifted, sanity returned.
13 years ago 0 53 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Thank you.  I con't cut down  - I know that.  I know I've hurt him but I want him to stop saying these things to me
13 years ago 0 2606 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0

Choosing,
 
You are doing the right thing by expressing your concerns with your behaviour and being honest with yourself.  Invest in your relationship and let the truth be told. You will need help around you and only you can start this process.  Go through the site and go to the link "getting started".  Take the "check your drinking test" and start gathering information about this addiction and how it is affecting you.
 
We have tips and tools to guide you through every day.  Please take the time to go to sleep and wake with a goal in mind.  Cutting back may not be a option for you and we can help and guide you.  Are the any support groups within your area?  You can find added support and information there and be able to assess when needed.
 
We are here for you, so post often.
 
 
Samantha, Health Educator

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