Patti
Why were you shy? Most children without problems are curious to the point that they get into trouble without supervision. So what makes one child shy and another outgoing? I think it has a lot to do with upbringing. How your parents treated this natural curiosity is the beginning of core beliefs that will stay with you the rest of your life unless something or someone intercedes to change them. A lot of core beliefs are there as a survival tool that we drop as they are no longer necessary. Like crying when we are lost or scared, like hiding behind our mothers skirts. How your life progresses depends on the beliefs you drop, and ones you build to replace them. An example. When a child is shy, if the parent lets them hide when there is nothing to fear then that child will build a belief that this is how to be. But if the parent brings the child forward and shows there is nothing to fear, (say meeting other people) then that child will be outgoing and build a belief that this is how to be. The right conditions can make a person shy, out going or a bully. Then comes school, and how you react to your surroundings and people will either change or reinforce your beliefs.
But remember, they are your beliefs, not the way things are but the way you perceive them that make them. And since they are of you and in you, you and only you can change them.
So having learned that to be shy is a survival reaction to fear, it only stands to reason that during anxiety or panic being shy would make it worse. But it does not cause it. Panic is a natural reaction to the unknown. Panic that continues on when it doesn't need to is unnatural and is a panic attack. Being shy makes it harder to break the hold panic has. So you have two answers here that have to work together. You have to become more assertive, (not aggressive). You have to change that core belief back to one of natural curiosity. And you have to change the negative spin on the panic, (I'm afraid) to positive. (there is nothing to be afraid of) This is definitely doable. Shyness is not anxiety, it is a reaction to anxiety and can be changed to something else that will get rid of the anxiety. Definitely possible but it will take a bit of time. If you are really shy changing to being more assertive, (speaking out when you know you are right instead of holding it in) will be hard to do because reverting to being shy is easier. How bad do you want to get rid of the anxiety? You have to change you, not the stimulus. YOU.
Keep posting, keep asking, We are here for you.
Davit.
