So, it would be a year in about October 2009 when I began recognizing my anxiety / panic attacks. I've gone through a lot of solititude, medications, books, forums, journaling, therapists, and psychologists thus far. What I've also gone through are a lot of accomplishments. I remember thinking, "I just want to be normal again," a phrase I think most or all of us have said. Well, I feel "normal" now because I've learned what the actual meaning for "normal" is, which was so far off than what I thought.
"Normal" is what I deem the definition to be. I've also learned a whole new level of confidence, which I never knew existed in me. I found a fabulous psychologist, which was quite frustrating to find. I certainly had to go through a few therapists to find the one that was right for me. She provided me with tools on the first day and continues to help me find tools each and every week. Our goal is not for me to stay with her for longer than 6 months (which differs for every individual). We set goals on the first day and we intend to meet them. And yes, my goal was to be panic free, not anxiety free but panic free. I believe this will happen, while many believe they have to live/deal with panic for the rest of their lives. I'm learning to manage anxiety so that it no longer hurts me.
I still have my anxiety attacks from time to time and an occasional panic attack, but I can tackle them now rather than them tackling me. I'm certainly not "cured", but I can definitely say I have the confidence to know I AM IN CONTROL!!!! That took a long time for me to say, but even longer to believe. I have the confidence to go out of my comfort zone and know I have the power to say whether or not if I will allow something to bother me. I have found to welcome appropriate uncomfortable feelings. I acknowledge these feelings as "growing pains". I'm good with growing. :O)
Although, I know this is a long post, but I must add that not only did I find the right psychologist for me, I also found healthy outlets or coping skills. Exercise is my medication now as well as making sure I'm productive. Without my short term goals and successes, I wouldn't be able to legitmately claim my self confidence. What I mean by this is that everyone can set their own goals that suites them best. It will feel good to meet them no matter how minute one may think they are. What matters is YOUR OWN thoughts no one elses. A daily goal can be showering and eating, which incredibly I must say was once my goal. Now, my goal is to be healthy and in the future set a goal to finish a triathalon.
You too can do whatever you want to do. Believe in yourself. I write down two positive affirmations a week and repeat them to myself all day everyday throughout the week. It truly helps.
