Hello from the Heartland of America

My name is Chera and I am on Day 11 of being clean and sober. I have only been able to make one AA meeting in those amount of days because the weather has dumped about a inch of ice covered over by several inches of snow. Not really conducive for traveling, walking, etc. I have been doing alot of 12 step reading at home. Inspirational reading and also re-reading my Inpatient Alcohol Treatment handouts from last year. I was inpatient for 13 days and outpatient for about another 25 or so. I was on the top of the world when I graduated from treatment. TOO much on the top of the world, I guess, because I relapsed before I made 90 days. It took me about 7 months (and horrible acid reflux) to finally get fed up with drinking again. But honestly, I have learned, or soaked in more anyway, in the last 11 days than I did in my first stab at treatment over the course of 40+ days. Every morning I say a prayer to my Higher Power to thank him for giving me one more day of power and will to not have the urge to drink or to fend off the urge to drink. Acknowledging that I cannot do this alone and knowing I have someone to look over me has helped tremendously. I know in my heart that not being able to grasp 'Turning my life and my will over to a Higher Power' is a major reason I relapsed to begin with. I know there are more reasons. Not doing it for ME but more as setting an example for my husband. This time I am being selfish!!! I am doing this for me because I AM AN ALCOHOLIC. My life had become unmanageable. Now 11 days later, I get decent sleep, eat 3 square meals a day, exercise, relax, work items on my to-do list, read AA or 12 step materials and give myself credit for finding the good in myself and others. I hope this Intro helps others and belive me I have bigger stories to tell, both good and bad, but I wanted to focus on the good right now. I got this website off of some of my materials from inpatient treatment and hope to hear from lots of fellow drinkers or ex-drinkers. LOL, Chera

just want to be myself again

Hi Violet, my name is Chera and I, too, am a recent signup. Quitting alcohol is very hard...so here is the question... 'Are you fed up with being fed up?'. That is what I finally realized. Here are some questions to help you answer that question. Do you have health issues because of your drinking? Are you becoming a loner? Have you lost the respect of some friends and family? Are you drinking way to early in the day? Have you lost your motivation to follow thru on important parts of your life...school, work, seeing or talking to friends and family, exercising, eating, sleeping well? Those are all things I lost until I got fed up. REALLY FED UP!!!! Fed up enough to say 'I quit' out loud and to significat people in my life. I asked them for a kick in the butt, because I knew I was strong enough to do, I just needed support. Any kind of support. Whether it be a friend, family member, AA meeting, 12 step readings, inspirational readings, self help books, anything.... There is something, person, place, or thing that can give you the strength to look past your guilt, your feelings of failure, your low self-esteem and make you see you really are a GOOD person with a BAD habit. Remember that...'You are a GOOD person'. Right now you just have a problem fault you need to come to terms with. I am no saint by any means. The first time I quit I went like 80+ days before thinking I am doing so well, maybe a glass of wine or two wouldn't hurt. But the whole self-destructive cycle started over and got worse and worse. This is my second attempt at abstinence and I am only on Day 12 but I am doing it different, and better this time. I worry about another relapse. But I am not going to dwell on it. I have staying sober as a number 1 priority in my life and work the 12 step program. I say a prayer every morning to thank my Higher Power for giving me the previous day of soberness and for giving me another day to live the way I want to live...Alcohol free. Hope that helps. Just know you are not alone and every day is not going to be a struggle. It is a struggle because we make it a struggle. Acceptance is the key. Accept that there is someone, something, some place wiser than you that will help you through this. Take care

Hello from the Heartland of America

Hi Josie, thank you for your ideas. It kinda strikes me odd that your site does not talk about a 12 step program. From what I have learned in the past year, AA is going to be the key to my success. True, finding the right meetings to attend can be a turnoff, and once you find some good groups, not all meetings are going to be helpful. But if I can grasp onto one tiny shred of good and embrace it, I don't knock the bummer meetings like I used to. I also find prayer has been very helpful this time around. I never acknowledged or embraced the 'Higher Power' idea on my first attempt at abstinence. This time I am and it is working for me. I am not saying a person has to embrace their Higher Power is even a person. Maybe it is a walk in nature, the sunrise or sunset, a reflective moment, a special memory that makes you smile, just anything that makes you appreciate you are alive and working towards an important goal. I went to a new AA (new for me) meeting last nite and ran into one of my inpatient treatment buddies. He, too, had relapsed. And the funny thing was it happened to him about the same time it happened to me and he finally got fed up on the SAME day I did. Amazing. Made me feel good to see I am not so alone in my treatment program as I made myself out to be. It seems to me relapse for alcoholism is about a 90% probability from what I have been reading. Why didn't they stress that more in treatment I ask? But my friend is back in outpatient treatment and he says they a definitely stressing it more now than they did last year. I can only say, and I said this at the AA meeting last nite, that relapse has actually made me a stronger more focused person who no longer feels the guilt of failure. I have turned it into a positive thing and want to learn from it. Again, thanks for sharing and allowing me to share.

Hello from the Heartland of America

Hello everyone, Life is going well for me. I am on Day 16 of being clean and sober and enjoying almost every bit of it. On Sunday, a crisp winter day with blue skies and average temperatures and a 4 mile walk behind me, man a glass of a nice red wine sounded fantastic. A fleeting thought but very powerful nonetheless. Obviously, I did not follow thru...I just kinda imagined the taste and feel of the wine in my mouth and reminded myself one glass would NEVER happen. It would be a bottle....or two. Plus, I would be starting school again on Monday and needed to be clear minded and get a good nights sleep. Plus, I had two weeks sobriety under my belt so let's just take it One more day at a time. My husband and I are talking about taking a vacation over spring break in March. I am looking at a vacation where I can stay sober. A new vacation spot with no memories of drinking. Arizona is my choice. He is thinking Mexico. Well, we have been to Mexico many a time and it has looks of drinking memories. I cannot commit to that and am hoping we can come to an agreement that suits the both of us. I have found a new AA group that is a rather small, tight knit group. It is very enjoyable to attend and I actually look forward to going. I hope all alcoholics that read this can find a group like this. You are not lost in a crowd. It is a very powerful, all-embracing group with all different lengths of sobriety. I talked about my relapse on my last visit and then others relayed to me their relapse stories. Feels good to not be alone, although I know I am not. Anyway, that is what is going on with me. I hope everyone finds the courage to do what is best for themselves. Cutting back or quitting. I am jealous of those who can cut back. I wish I could, but I cannot. It would just be another excuse and another relapse with months of drinking to follow. So to all of you, love yourself and love your life for just "One Day at a Time".

new member

Hi all, thank you all for your comments and joing the Alcohol Help Center. I learn something from each posting and that is what keeps me motivated to continue working my goals. I am on Day 26 of sobriety. And it has not been easy, but then I think if I drink because of these thorny situations arise in front of me, then I will just have to begin this journey all over again. The cravings are coming less and less. But my downfall is a nice glass of red wine. I have been to two events in the past week where drinking was a part of it. Just seeing the person next to me enjoying a nice Cabernet is mind-consuming. But I made the committment to not drink "Just for this Day" and that put me back in perspective. It is getting a tad easier to be around alcohol, but I am so new to being sober, that there always is a bad thought of drinking that invades my brain. I have been fortunate that I am with a non-drinking person or persons that encourage me to keep up the good job and several have even said they are so proud of me. BECAUSE I DO have a drinking problem and one drink will never be enough. Reading articles on alcoholism, prayer, AA meetings have been soooo helpful. And the greater news is my husband and soul mate of 23 years has made a choice not to drink. I have no idea if it will stick, but I understand that this is his life and he, as I learned in AA, has to "write" his on life's story. Just as we all do. Every success, every failure is part of our life story for us to look back on and learn from it. I hope that all of you are doing well. And if there was a slip, find something you learned from the incident and vow to do better the next time.

All is Well in the Hearland

Hi everyone, I am writing to find out if everyone is doing their best to set reasonable goals and then follow through on them. Myself....I am 1 day shy of 6 weeks of sobriety. I am not sure how I accomplished this feat...except by taking it "One day at a time." And that really is the bottom line. Don't look back, and don't look forward, just look at today. I wake up, say the Serenity Prayer and a couple others, take a few minutes to read some sobriety readings and just ask my Higher Power to help guide me through the day. I can atest to the fact that I could not be doing this 'alone'. I would have failed many a time in the past weeks if I had not asked for guidance. Just in the last week, I have put myself in places with family and friends who have some drinks, want me to join them, but by and all, they have not harrassed me into having a drink and in most ways are proud of me and my choice to not drink. And if I did pick up a drink, there would really be no one to blame but myself. I am responsible for my decisions. And I would be the most disappointed in myself. But I am not going to think about relapse today. A nice glass of wine would sound good after crossing off tasks on my to-do list, but a lemon water or a glass of juice will take its place. It is amazing that each day gets a little easier. More so, because I have made it a part of my life,,,just like a timely sleep schedule or a particular exercise routine. It is kinda like going on a diet. 'Dieting' is not really good for you...You have to make a Lifestyle change. So that is what I am doing...One day at a time. I do hope all of you out there reading this website are doing well and remember we didn't get this way overnight so it takes time and patience and diligence. Hoping you all have a great day and are able to follow your heart which will lead you in the right direction.

All is Well in the Hearland

To Coco1, When I went in treatment last year in February, I knew I could not quit on my own. My Blood Alcohol was like .170 even after sitting in the waiting room for admittal for almost 5 hours. I had been drinking for months upon months. The one thing about alcohol detox is it is one of the few drug detoxifications that can actually kill you when you detox. I was having the shakes and HAD to drink every morning to get rid of them. Being in the hospital while detoxing from alcohol is definitely the safest route. You don't want to die while you are giving the crap up! Anyway, this second time I quit, I was drinking 2 bottles of wine a day for months, but I had to cut that down because I was getting acid reflux sooooo bad that I could not even drink. I tried, of course. But it hurt so bad. That is when I quit cold turkey in January of this year. I did not go through any health issues I could not handle. BUT, I was very mindful of what to look for and would have went to the hospital in a heartbeat if I needed to. To answer you questions on detoxing in the hospital, Yes they did put me on something to help with the withdrawal. And then I had 2 narcotic prescriptions they replaced with new generation non-narcotic perscriptions. They want you off all narcotic, addictive everything. I hope that helps. I am not a doctor and do not know all of the symptoms of alcohol addiction you are having but if you really want to quit just remember alcohol detox CAN kill you. 'Course, if you truly are an alcoholic, alcohol will kill you anyway. Cutting down and then quitting sounds like a plan. But, from my experience, your timeplan always gets extended and then you wonder if you will ever quit. You are the only person who knows 'YOU', so you need to decide for yourself. If you have any more questions, I would be happy to answer them. I would wish you Best Luck, but it is not luck that gets you to quit or cut down, it is Knowledge and Diligence and Guidance that will get us where we need to be. So, may your find the Power to move forward!!!!

All is Well in the Hearland

To Heather1, Great for you for making it through the weekend. To give you a little more insight on me, I am currently not working, but going to school one day a week. So basically, every day is a weekend for me. I COULD drink evey day and no one would be any the wiser (But my husband). But I choose not to drink. You may mightily struggle with temptation Friday nite through Sunday nite, but I do it each and every day. But it is not a struggle. I look on the positive side...it is a challenge I am taking on and working towards a goal as we talked about 'One day at a time.' I remain as positive minded as I can and seek guidance in any way that I can. So 'Just for Today', I am not going to drink and neither are you...'Just for Today.' Keep strong and stay positive!!!!

How do you move through the program?

To staff, there is a missing reply from Jessica dated 2/26/07 at 12:58 am today. Telling us some other websites to visit for additional support. Where did it go? I am interested in re-reading that particular email and visiting those sites. Thank you.

All is Well in the Hearland

Hi to eveyone!!! Coco, sorry to hear about your 'misstep' on Academy night but don't beat yourself up over it. Try and learn from it. It is very hard to be around alcohol without partaking. It is just natural to join in on the fun. But you can have fun too being sober. I am finding that true, one baby step at a time. I have not had people over to the house for dinner parties since I quit drinking. I am not sure I am ready for it. And if that is the case, as it seems to be, better safe than sorry. I am OK dining out at restaurants with drinks available. So that, in itself, is a big step for me. I can't hide out from alcohol. But I am in control of the situations I put myself in. If I did not feel confident, I just wouldn't go. That is the bottom line. I had a very long day at school yesterday,,,10 to 8 and then come home to my husband telling me that the land surveryors were here and the green space and trees and the peace and quiet we have now will not be there in a short time. They are developing to the south and east of us. That news, along with a long and tiresome day at school, made me want to just get back in my car and buy a bottle of wine and drink. They say at AA, HALT is a trigger. Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired. I felt all of those. Well, fortunately, my real brain kicked in and said that is STUPID to go out at 8:30 and start drinking. I slept OK last nite, but woke up way too early today and I am not in a much better mood than I was going to bed. I have said my prayers and done some reading and now I need to find the resolve in me to get out of this funk. I have many things to do today and drinking was not on my to-do list. I hope I don't add it!!!! I am 58 days sober and will be talking to my higher power alot today, I'm afraid. As long as it works, I am fine with that. As I read this, I really believe I need to change my attitude to a more positive one. I am just too negative and it is too early in the day to be that negative. So, Sober is good for me. Sober is good for me. Sober is good for me. Please God help me today as you have never helped me before! I need strength, guidance, acceptance, patience and diversion today. Everyone who reads this maybe can give me a thoughtful kick in the butt, and ho