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Friends who drink

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Friends who drink


foxman @ Apr 3, 2021 9:02:11 AM
A really good friend of mine just got engaged. He asked me out for a beer and I agreed. Stupid me. I thought I could just have a couple to celebrate this huge life event with him. Well, I ended up drinking way too much.

Isn't it amazing: why do we always associate "celebration" only with alcohol? Why not just be there for them? I too was so wired to only associate anything with alcohol. When I saw Disneyworld didn't sell beer I would avoid it and go to other parks. Its not about the kids then.

Hope you are doing well! I will encourage you to read the book alcoholics anonymous, available free online. It takes lot of support initially, best is to empower yourself about various types of drinkers. See if you can identify with the stories in the book.



7 days ago 0 foxman 1554 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
grapeseed @ Jun 6, 2021 3:20:33 PM
I was able to manage to stick to 2 to 3 per event. Now I am back up to 4 to 6 and the other night I dont even know how many I had. I is hard because I have doing good with moderation. I had s lot of fun during those times and no regrets. Now I am drinking too much again.


This is from the chapter "More about alcoholism"":

All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals—usually brief—were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization

****-----*****

This is just one part of the problem. But it takes a longtime to realize. Then we try to stay stopped. Thats when we realize if we have problem, the mind always comes up with a great idea why we need a drink. And we succumb to that insane idea that we can handle alcohol well this time.

Thats why the book Alcoholics Anonymous talks about our mind being the real issue. Not alcohol.

10 days ago 0 grapeseed 28 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0

Hi Foxman and johnontheslopes.

I guess I missed these comments. They are very helpful to me today. I haven't been able to completely abstain so I have been avoiding the community. I am really struggling with not drinking in social situations. All of my friends drink, including my gf. I was able to manage to stick to 2 to 3 per event. Now I am back up to 4 to 6 and the other night I dont even know how many I had. I is hard because I have doing good with moderation. I had s lot of fun during those times and no regrets. Now I am drinking too much again.

John, what you said really makes sense. All my friends joke about it. Heck, I joke about it. You are right. I am in denial. Getting drunk isn't fun and I just end up wasting the next day thinking about how stupid I am. Maybe I do need friends who don't drink. I just can't seem to spend time with my drinking friends. It is a bit depressing to think about. Kind of daunting ... jeez I always thinking that stopping drinking will be easier then it actually is..How are all of you doing?


a month ago +1 foxman 1554 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Johnontheslopes @ Apr 5, 2021 8:51:34 PM
My old friends are good guys mostly, but my sobriety isn’t their problem or their priority. They also don’t truly know the extent of the issues that booze has caused in my life as may be the case with you, Sometimes they would say things( while meaning well) to make me feel better but really would minimize my problem - not good.

Yes, thats a true statement. In my case most didnt drink the way i did. I would be the last one to put down the drink before dinner. And even during dinner I might drink some wine/beer and look forward to the after dinner liqueurs. And night caps. I do have new set of friends who drink but I am in totally different state of mind and they know I am in recovery.

Grapeseed,

I’ve been there. Made many mistakes like that. Important thing I learned is to recognize when situations like this come up again, I make a better choice. Truth is I had to make new friends that were in line with what I want for my life. My old friends are good guys mostly, but my sobriety isn’t their problem or their priority. They also don’t truly know the extent of the issues that booze has caused in my life as may be the case with you, Sometimes they would say things( while meaning well) to make me feel better but really would minimize my problem - not good. One of my good mates also liked to minimize it because he had a problem too and I think laughing at it helps him to stay in denial of his issues. Same guy would try and push my buttons and say I needed more freedom when I would opt out of pub invites or the like. Yes, thats exactly what I need, to be drunk with my middle aged mates acting like we did when we were were 19. No thanks. Plenty of people live a great life without drinking or drugs,People who support your efforts are much easier to be around, Grapeseed. If that means new group, then it’s worth it.

still sober John

2 months ago 0 foxman 1554 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
A really good friend of mine just got engaged. He asked me out for a beer and I agreed. Stupid me. I thought I could just have a couple to celebrate this huge life event with him. Well, I ended up drinking way too much.

Isn't it amazing: why do we always associate "celebration" only with alcohol? Why not just be there for them? I too was so wired to only associate anything with alcohol. When I saw Disneyworld didn't sell beer I would avoid it and go to other parks. Its not about the kids then.

Hope you are doing well! I will encourage you to read the book alcoholics anonymous, available free online. It takes lot of support initially, best is to empower yourself about various types of drinkers. See if you can identify with the stories in the book.


3 months ago 0 grapeseed 28 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0

Thanks everyone!!!!

I am doing much better now. I haven't had a drink since I posted last. The slip was another wake up call to me. I am really determined to be alcohol free for at least a few months. I can't just have a few and I have to accept that. It feels great to still be working on this goal. I am just glad I wasn't as bad as I was a year ago. Trying to focus on the positive and keep moving forward.

How was everyone's Valentine's Day? I was able to celebrate without alcohol and I was pretty proud of myself. I did have a big too much chocolate though haha.

Hi Grapeseed,

I am sorry to hear about your slip. Slips can be very disheartening. It can feel like a real defeat. Please try not to be too hard on yourself though. Slips are a common and normal part of addiction recovery. The important part is that you learn from them. What are you going to take away from the experience? What do you want to remember, so you can prevent a future slip? It sounds like you are already right back to no alcohol. Nice work. Brush yourself off and keep on going. You are doing great!

Lynn123, gives you some great thoughts to think about. I encourage you to closely follow Lynn's advice as she is a veteran quitter here and has some great insight into recovery.

I hope you are having a good week! I also hope to read more from you soon.

Ashley

4 months ago 0 Lynn123 322 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 1

grapeseed,

I'm sorry to read that you are so down on yourself right now. Have things improved since you posted last? As you are discovering, the journey you are on is not an easy one. You slipped. It's not what you wanted or expected to do, but it is what it is. The bigger thing is that you came here and are owning it. That's a big step. It sounds like you learned something about yourself and that will help you overcome temptation in the future. Think of obstacles you overcame during your recent alcohol-free days. To yourself, or to someone else, bring attention to these accomplishments. This will help your confidence. There will be more opportunities for more slips. Use your confidence to help you get by them.

I hope you are feeling better about yourself and you are ready for new challenges. Stay strong!

Lynn

4 months ago 0 grapeseed 28 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0

Thanks for your response Lynn. I needed to read this today.

I messed up badly. A really good friend of mine just got engaged. He asked me out for a beer and I agreed. Stupid me. I thought I could just have a couple to celebrate this huge life event with him. Well, I ended up drinking way to much. My girlfriend is pissed at me and I am pissed at me too. What a stupid choice. I am not drinking again but I am still so mad at myself. I thought I had learned a lot in these past few weeks. I guess not enough.


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