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Johnontheslopes @ Apr 5, 2021 8:51:34 PM
My old friends are good guys mostly, but my sobriety isn’t their problem or their priority. They also don’t truly know the extent of the issues that booze has caused in my life as may be the case with you, Sometimes they would say things( while meaning well) to make me feel better but really would minimize my problem - not good.
Yes, thats a true statement. In my case most didnt drink the way i did. I would be the last one to put down the drink before dinner. And even during dinner I might drink some wine/beer and look forward to the after dinner liqueurs. And night caps. I do have new set of friends who drink but I am in totally different state of mind and they know I am in recovery.
I’ve been there. Made many mistakes like that. Important thing I learned is to recognize when situations like this come up again, I make a better choice. Truth is I had to make new friends that were in line with what I want for my life. My old friends are good guys mostly, but my sobriety isn’t their problem or their priority. They also don’t truly know the extent of the issues that booze has caused in my life as may be the case with you, Sometimes they would say things( while meaning well) to make me feel better but really would minimize my problem - not good. One of my good mates also liked to minimize it because he had a problem too and I think laughing at it helps him to stay in denial of his issues. Same guy would try and push my buttons and say I needed more freedom when I would opt out of pub invites or the like. Yes, thats exactly what I need, to be drunk with my middle aged mates acting like we did when we were were 19. No thanks. Plenty of people live a great life without drinking or drugs,People who support your efforts are much easier to be around, Grapeseed. If that means new group, then it’s worth it.
still sober John
A really good friend of mine just got engaged. He asked me out for a beer and I agreed. Stupid me. I thought I could just have a couple to celebrate this huge life event with him. Well, I ended up drinking way too much.
Isn't it amazing: why do we always associate "celebration" only with alcohol? Why not just be there for them? I too was so wired to only associate anything with alcohol. When I saw Disneyworld didn't sell beer I would avoid it and go to other parks. Its not about the kids then.
Hope you are doing well! I will encourage you to read the book alcoholics anonymous, available free online. It takes lot of support initially, best is to empower yourself about various types of drinkers. See if you can identify with the stories in the book.
I am doing much better now. I haven't had a drink since I posted last. The slip was another wake up call to me. I am really determined to be alcohol free for at least a few months. I can't just have a few and I have to accept that. It feels great to still be working on this goal. I am just glad I wasn't as bad as I was a year ago. Trying to focus on the positive and keep moving forward.
How was everyone's Valentine's Day? I was able to celebrate without alcohol and I was pretty proud of myself. I did have a big too much chocolate though haha.
I am sorry to hear about your slip. Slips can be very disheartening. It can feel like a real defeat. Please try not to be too hard on yourself though. Slips are a common and normal part of addiction recovery. The important part is that you learn from them. What are you going to take away from the experience? What do you want to remember, so you can prevent a future slip? It sounds like you are already right back to no alcohol. Nice work. Brush yourself off and keep on going. You are doing great!
Lynn123, gives you some great thoughts to think about. I encourage you to closely follow Lynn's advice as she is a veteran quitter here and has some great insight into recovery.
I hope you are having a good week! I also hope to read more from you soon.
I'm sorry to read that you are so down on yourself right now. Have things improved since you posted last? As you are discovering, the journey you are on is not an easy one. You slipped. It's not what you wanted or expected to do, but it is what it is. The bigger thing is that you came here and are owning it. That's a big step. It sounds like you learned something about yourself and that will help you overcome temptation in the future. Think of obstacles you overcame during your recent alcohol-free days. To yourself, or to someone else, bring attention to these accomplishments. This will help your confidence. There will be more opportunities for more slips. Use your confidence to help you get by them.
I hope you are feeling better about yourself and you are ready for new challenges. Stay strong!
Thanks for your response Lynn. I needed to read this today.
I messed up badly. A really good friend of mine just got engaged. He asked me out for a beer and I agreed. Stupid me. I thought I could just have a couple to celebrate this huge life event with him. Well, I ended up drinking way to much. My girlfriend is pissed at me and I am pissed at me too. What a stupid choice. I am not drinking again but I am still so mad at myself. I thought I had learned a lot in these past few weeks. I guess not enough.
I read in another thread that you had gone several weeks without alcohol. That's awesome. :) I hope things are still going well for you. I understand your concern you addressed in this thread. I, too, had the same concern when I decided to give up alcohol. My wife rarely drinks but all of my friends drink. Watching them being able to drink a few drinks, or no drinks, on occasion made me question my own relationship with alcohol. I was rarely able to just drink a few drinks and never was able to not drink when around friends. My friends seemed able to do it with no difficulty which confirmed to me that I did not have a healthy relationship with alcohol. Alcohol was in control. I was not in control of alcohol.
Initially, my plan was not to give alcohol forever. I told my friends that I wanted to take a break from alcohol for a while and they were very supportive. They even agreed to not drink when we were together. I didn't want them to do that. The issue was mine, not theirs. I looked at them drinking as something similar to a healthy person being able to eat sweets and a diabetic not. Or a person without food allergies being able to eat whatever they want while a person with a food allergy not. I realized I just could not have alcohol. Period.
Yes, it was hard, but it gets easier. The longer you're without alcohol, the better your body feels. Sometimes you don't know how bad something is until it's better. I didn't realize how bad my body felt until I had gone a few months without it. That is what made me complete the advised 3 months without alcohol.
grapeseed @ Jan 27, 2021 4:43:45 PM
Thank you foxman. "I realized its our own mind is the one that tricks us into drinking. " I like that, thanks again.
Most of the time, toward the end of the drinking career, I became a recluse. Drinking got me there. Knew others where not keep up to my pace and on the other hand felt guilty, shamed and remorseful come out of occasional parties. It was a vicious cycle. Trying to stop without the knowledge of my condition was excruciating. The worst part was the phase were we want to not drink but the mind would just not stop. Later came to know its the obsession of the mind. And in that state, the person is incapacitated. Gets restless irritable discontented like the book Alcoholics Anonymous talks about. Its a very awkward/dangerous phase. And then the mind sneaks in and in that state all we are looking for is the effect produced by alcohol. And we take a drink. Then something happens and we want more. This is the cycle we need to get out off.