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today's top discussions:

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Re introduce myself

GusA

2021-03-01 8:57 PM

Managing Drinking Community

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hi everyone

Ashley -> Health Educator

2021-02-27 4:48 PM

Depression Community

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My Thoughts 2021

Lynn123

2021-02-24 9:14 PM

Managing Drinking Community

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Friends who drink

grapeseed

2021-02-20 5:00 PM

Managing Drinking Community

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Friends who drink


9 days ago 0 grapeseed 18 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0

Thanks everyone!!!!

I am doing much better now. I haven't had a drink since I posted last. The slip was another wake up call to me. I am really determined to be alcohol free for at least a few months. I can't just have a few and I have to accept that. It feels great to still be working on this goal. I am just glad I wasn't as bad as I was a year ago. Trying to focus on the positive and keep moving forward.

How was everyone's Valentine's Day? I was able to celebrate without alcohol and I was pretty proud of myself. I did have a big too much chocolate though haha.

Hi Grapeseed,

I am sorry to hear about your slip. Slips can be very disheartening. It can feel like a real defeat. Please try not to be too hard on yourself though. Slips are a common and normal part of addiction recovery. The important part is that you learn from them. What are you going to take away from the experience? What do you want to remember, so you can prevent a future slip? It sounds like you are already right back to no alcohol. Nice work. Brush yourself off and keep on going. You are doing great!

Lynn123, gives you some great thoughts to think about. I encourage you to closely follow Lynn's advice as she is a veteran quitter here and has some great insight into recovery.

I hope you are having a good week! I also hope to read more from you soon.

Ashley

22 days ago 0 Lynn123 308 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 1

grapeseed,

I'm sorry to read that you are so down on yourself right now. Have things improved since you posted last? As you are discovering, the journey you are on is not an easy one. You slipped. It's not what you wanted or expected to do, but it is what it is. The bigger thing is that you came here and are owning it. That's a big step. It sounds like you learned something about yourself and that will help you overcome temptation in the future. Think of obstacles you overcame during your recent alcohol-free days. To yourself, or to someone else, bring attention to these accomplishments. This will help your confidence. There will be more opportunities for more slips. Use your confidence to help you get by them.

I hope you are feeling better about yourself and you are ready for new challenges. Stay strong!

Lynn

22 days ago 0 grapeseed 18 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0

Thanks for your response Lynn. I needed to read this today.

I messed up badly. A really good friend of mine just got engaged. He asked me out for a beer and I agreed. Stupid me. I thought I could just have a couple to celebrate this huge life event with him. Well, I ended up drinking way to much. My girlfriend is pissed at me and I am pissed at me too. What a stupid choice. I am not drinking again but I am still so mad at myself. I thought I had learned a lot in these past few weeks. I guess not enough.

26 days ago 0 Lynn123 308 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 1

grapeseed,

I read in another thread that you had gone several weeks without alcohol. That's awesome. :) I hope things are still going well for you. I understand your concern you addressed in this thread. I, too, had the same concern when I decided to give up alcohol. My wife rarely drinks but all of my friends drink. Watching them being able to drink a few drinks, or no drinks, on occasion made me question my own relationship with alcohol. I was rarely able to just drink a few drinks and never was able to not drink when around friends. My friends seemed able to do it with no difficulty which confirmed to me that I did not have a healthy relationship with alcohol. Alcohol was in control. I was not in control of alcohol.

Initially, my plan was not to give alcohol forever. I told my friends that I wanted to take a break from alcohol for a while and they were very supportive. They even agreed to not drink when we were together. I didn't want them to do that. The issue was mine, not theirs. I looked at them drinking as something similar to a healthy person being able to eat sweets and a diabetic not. Or a person without food allergies being able to eat whatever they want while a person with a food allergy not. I realized I just could not have alcohol. Period.

Yes, it was hard, but it gets easier. The longer you're without alcohol, the better your body feels. Sometimes you don't know how bad something is until it's better. I didn't realize how bad my body felt until I had gone a few months without it. That is what made me complete the advised 3 months without alcohol.

Stay strong!

Lynn

29 days ago 0 foxman 1541 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
grapeseed @ Jan 27, 2021 4:43:45 PM
Thank you foxman. "I realized its our own mind is the one that tricks us into drinking. " I like that, thanks again.

Most of the time, toward the end of the drinking career, I became a recluse. Drinking got me there. Knew others where not keep up to my pace and on the other hand felt guilty, shamed and remorseful come out of occasional parties. It was a vicious cycle. Trying to stop without the knowledge of my condition was excruciating. The worst part was the phase were we want to not drink but the mind would just not stop. Later came to know its the obsession of the mind. And in that state, the person is incapacitated. Gets restless irritable discontented like the book Alcoholics Anonymous talks about. Its a very awkward/dangerous phase. And then the mind sneaks in and in that state all we are looking for is the effect produced by alcohol. And we take a drink. Then something happens and we want more. This is the cycle we need to get out off.

a month ago 0 grapeseed 18 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0

Thank you foxman. "I realized its our own mind is the one that tricks us into drinking. " I like that, thanks again.


a month ago 0 foxman 1541 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0

I entered the fellowship of AA back in september 2006. Initially I was worried about people drinking around me. But working the 12 steps AA, I realized its our own mind is the one that tricks us into drinking. External circumstances/people dont influence that decision. Using the principles of AA, I am able to lead a sober life.

a month ago 0 grapeseed 18 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0

How do you all deal with friends who drink?

A few close friends of mine drink. They are good people and I like spending time with them but I cannot remember a time I was with them and didn't drink. I have been avoiding them since I quit. It hasn't been too difficult due to Covid but I am wondering what I will do when covid is not longer a valid excuse. I want to be able to spend time with them, I don't want to tell them they can't drink around me but being around someone who drinks will be very difficult for me. I am just wondering what other people did who were in similar situations so I can get a better idea on how to handle this.

Thanks in advance!


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