Well Damn! The future doesn't look too bright either.
I read a study yesterday that suggests that people who began smoking in their youth (me, at 13) never gain a decreased risk of lung cancer. The risk remains the same even after stopping.
Also, when I was 29 my doctor (who was whack-o) said that I had emphysema. I thought he was trying to scare me. But now I wonder if he was right. I mean, he didn't take any tests or anything. So how could he diagnose it? Do I or don't I?
I just really feel like I need to see my doctor (new one!) and get a damage assessment and rehabilitation plan up and running. I want to be the one who discovers how to regrow damaged, over-inflated aveoli (it'll be out of desperation!) and repair damaged DNA through enzyme therapy and perhaps ethically harvested stem-cells.
I'm just scared to death and sick with fear! I can't stand the thought of having damaged DNA without hope of repair. What about my kids - they were conceived by both parents with damaged DNA. My 20 yr. old daughter has the lung capacity of an eight year old. I desparately want to help her take care of what she's got - because IT'S MY FAULT! Second-hand smoke caused her lungs to not develop completely. If she smokes, it will kill her.
Gosh, I couldn't sleep last night because all of this was running over and over in my head, and then my smoker DH's rattle-snoring was exacerbating the situation. He hasn't been sleeping well. No wonder-he can't breathe!!!
I hate those damn cigarettes!!!! I am so angry! I kept thinking about what smoking was doing to him. I had to leave and sleep in a different room. Now he probably thinks I moved because I don't like him or something crazy like that.
There- That is what's on my mind and why I've become so obsessed and depressed the last couple of days.
gpw
