Mom of 3, I didn't use my "expanded vocabulary" with others. It was to benefit myself so that I could more effectively handle what I was feeling. I thought if I could identify how I really felt - break those generalizations down into more specific feelings then it helped me to process them and move through them.
Your other issue about no eye contact. I have trouble with that too. I don't think it is a sign of lying (unless you are being interrogated by the police who would interpret it that way). I think it is a sign of low self-esteem. I've had a couple of people comment on that through the years and I've always just come up with some sarcastic reply - not that it is the best way to handle it, but I don't owe them an explanation! Family, friend or otherwise I do not owe them an explanation!
We all wear masks everyday. I think it is necessary for survival and a part of life. If I acted the same way with my children, family as I did at work - that would be a problem We have different masks for different roles we have in our lives and those dictate who we generalize too and who we can be more intimate in our conversation. I don't think using your new expanded emotional vocabulary is necessary with anyone else but yourself or people YOU CHOOSE. i.e. someone like my son asks me "how are you?". I say well, I've been depressed, I'm feeling ____ and ____, I think I've been feeling this way because I'm thinking about ____or this or that happen. If they ask me at work I say "fine, thanks" or having a great day, thanks. It ain't none of their damn business how I feel and besides they really don't want to know anyway!
I can also relate to not only the no eye contact, but crying and being embarrassed, I have had to think about this one alot. Some people display their emotions more readily than others. Is that a bad thing...I think not because that means we are feeling them as they occur and not letting them build up. I do know sometimes I cry and it's not in a situation where I think someone else would cry. It is so very very difficult to remind myself, that it is okay for me to find something emotional that others don't. Also, sometimes we get rid of stored emotions that way. Maybe felt let crying before and didn't because we were more in control (remember, we are working on getting back in control, sorta).
If you read my post (in success stories), I was so very happy that I cried at appropriate times, didn't wail or cry uncontrollably without being able to be consoled, but cried appropriately. I didn't embarass myseld or my son. He even commented that I did good. I had many animals in my life but never cried over the loss of any of them, many for years and years who were faithful companions and very dear to me. Then I had this one cat that died. I cried for days and days and days, I think this was because I felt I had to be strong, was told "don't cry", only babies cry. Now I feel as I go and I think this is much more healthy. It's okay to cry when you feel like crying. I snort when I cry, do you ever snort? lol, my son and I laugh about this at a more appropriate time. So I am entertaining to some.
Geez mom of 3, you and I get on a roll sometimes, the communication thing is another post but coming up! Oh, I think us getting on a roll is good - you make me think and vice versa. Your insight is valuable to me.
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