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12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 36

Hello again.

I am glad that this is a safe place for me to speak my mind about things going on inside. I am a very, VERY quiet person and rarely ever share feelings with those around me because they do not know how to help me in a proper way. If you could picture that guy you knew in high school that never talks to anyone and never seems to have a smile, that would be me. But anyway, I feel a bit more positive that people can understand me and what I am going through. A great way to analyze your problems is to find others who can relate to you and talk to them about it. I typically use the DC forum to help me talk with others, as opposed to the program that addresses the gognitive aspect. I am taking an advanced psychology class this year so I will be learning more about things inside the mind soon. Anyway, I find that the forums are better for me because with the program, it was hard to do all of the homework and stay on task with my schoolwork as well. I did try my best, but for my depression, the forums are better.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

cbm, I know you were writing for Vincenza but I just would like to add that how you describe positive thinking is exactly right (as I understand it) and you describe it wonderfully well... simple and direct... I always use too many words. It is good to hear that you are feeling a bit lighter... your posts to Craig are right on as well. Good questions with gentle understanding. I bet you are a wonderful Momof3. We are blessed to have you active on this forum again.

I agree... hang in there Craig. You have support here and will find a lot of wisdom from the members. I think it is wonderful that you are young, yet so willing to come and work this out NOW... this is a good, safe place to hang out.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 24

Hi Craig,

I'm glad you wrote back. I know you're trying...you wouldn't be on here if you weren't looking for answers. It's not easy to see positives and I don't think you really want to feign optimism. Hang in there and keep looking, unfortunately it takes time.

There are people here that will listen and give encouragement, so you've found a safe place to go when it seems no one understands. It would be nice to know what types of things you are interested in - music, movies, subjects. Is there something that you enjoy?

To Vincenza,

I had been so apposed to trying to challenge my negative thoughts by buying into a whole bunch of positive things that I did not really try to do it. It felt like I was feeding myself a bunch of lies just to feel better when inside I still held the negative as truth. Now I try to look at my negative thoughts and dissect them...I accept the part that I have proof of but ask myself if it is all negative and try to find another view that is more realistic. I'm not sure that I have explained it well but I'm trying to put some limits on how negative I become about something. Perhaps I'm still wrong in my thinking but my mood has improved a little since I decided to try.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 36

Hello again,

I am open to learning ways to become a more positive person. It would certainly be a struggle for me because I've had a lot on my mind this past year and I'd like to avoid making the same mistakes as I have in my past. A lot of things make me feel dejected or defeated, as I'm not a confident person in any way, but if I can at least try to be happy or "feign optimism", maybe I won't feel so terribly about myself as much. I'm still a cynic in the sense that I don't believe I will ever have a girlfriend or get married because the idea of a girl feeling love for me is ludicrous and inconceivable. But it would be nice to have a better mindset, even though nothing is concrete in my future. All I can do is pray.

Thanks again, to everyone who takes the time to talk to me.

Craig

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1853

Thanks for sharing both your insight and contemplative questions Could Be More.

I'm glad to hear that one of ~m's postings caught your attention and has motivated you to challenge your negative thoughts. What have you learned about yourself using this approach?

Craig,

As Could Be More mentioned, it is a struggle to think of the positives but I hope that you do try to challenge your thoughts, you may surprise yourself about how you truly feel regarding others and yourself.

Vincenza, Health Educator

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 24

Hi again Craig,

I understand your perspective. I'm glad that you have someone who is a true friend to you. That is a positive. I am wondering how you know that an aquaintance from high school will never become anything more. Relationships take time and I have known people who were not really close in high school but became very close later on and vise versa. If you challenge your statement you will find that you really don't know what will happen. Saying hi when you pass someone in the hall and giving a smile signals openness to friendship. It may or may not develop but you have given it an opening instead of shutting it out by trying to be invisible. You say that you've lost plenty of friends before, but that doesn't mean it will always be that way. What ended those relationships? Is there anything you could have done differently?

I have written on other threads that I did not see the positives either and I admit it's a struggle, but some of the insights m wrote about in the positivity thread made me look at things from a different perspective. I realize that it does not involve trying to tell myself a bunch of "BS" that I don't buy into, but rather looking at the negatives and testing their absolute validity. Although I am having problems with it I am trying. I admit it is easier to challenge yours because that's the mom in me.

Anyway, since you must spend this time finishing high school could you see yourself spending some time thinking on ways to make it more enjoyable? What would it take for you to have a better experience? It's your last year, perhaps you are due for some fun. You say you are bitter and lonely...what steps could you take to change that? Do you feel you have a choice?

Keep hanging in there....

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 36

Hello could be more,

I appriciate your insight and to answer your question; Yes, I have learned a few things from my negative experiences. But mostly the lesson is to not be caught up with those people that caused it to be negative for me. I have never been in a relationship with a girl, and I do not wish to be in one right now, mainly due to the fact that every pursuit of mine has ended in despair and regret. The one friend I have left is the only friend in my mind because he is there for me and has the time for me. Simply saying hi to a person does not constitute a friendship in my eyes. There are people that tolerate me and smile when they see me, but since high school has started, I have never made a friend and kept them. I guess I just can't settle for "amiable relationships" when after high school, that's all they will ever be. They will never blossom into anything more. I've lost plenty of friends before, so I know the routine. I simply don't want to be in that realm of social mediocrity that is high school. I understand high school is not important, and all those people that caused my heartache and pain will be irrelevant after it's all over. But until I can see the positivity that everyone is telling me about, I will probably just be bitter and lonely until at least adulthood. Thank you for responding to me.

Craig

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 24

Hi Craig,

I read your post and I understand how you feel even though I am much older and a "girl". I wish I would be able to convince you that life is so much bigger than the high school you are stuck in right now. I have lived long enough to see the homecoming queen age, the jock go bald and fat, and see people sending messages to people on facebook that they wouldn't have given the time of day in high school.

You asked why you should bother making friends this year. I'd say because you CAN. You have already said you have a friend so that proves you're able to make them. Making more would just be good practice for the rest of your life. You can't predict the outcome of friendships. You could make a friend that lasts a lifetime or you could walk away with numerous amiable relationships that come and go over the years, or both.

I can understand that you've suffered pain that sounds like it was relationship based. I can say that I understand that pain only too well. Life isn't fair, people are rarely completely trustworthy. Did you learn anything positive from your negative experience? You may not know, but it's a question that bears keeping in mind. It may be a good way of dealing with what has happened to you. I have found that most people have some kind of issue, I know that I have major depressive disorder and that my coping skills are not as good as those without the disorder. But that's just it - it's my coping skills, not me that are the problem. I too battle with thought of suicide, but the one thing I know is that it doesn't fall under the list of coping skills. It's the ultimate "I quit", and there are too many other things to quit before that.

I don't know if I've been helpful at all...I know I'm old compared to you....I hope you see a therapist to talk about your experience and work out the pain of it. It helps me to have a sounding board.

Hang in there Craig!!

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 36

Well last year is when I started having noticable symptoms of social anxiety disorder as well as major depressive disorder. And a huge part of it was because I had such a hard time speaking with people, especially girls (I'm sure you know that though). I started seeing my psychologist again and started taking antidepessants until I found one that helped both aspects of my problems. But I was so tormented by failing to make friends and find a girl that would like me that I just went off the edge into major depressive episodes and my whole family had a traaumaic suicide risk with me. This year I want to avoid the things that made me act so crazy and distracting. So I avoid talking in school to everyone except the one friend I have. This means if I see an attractive girl that I'm interested in, I just tell myself that she isn't worth the pain. Plus, after high school, none of my friends will remember me afterwards so I figure why even bother making new friendships just for them to get destroyed by inevitability. The main reason I don't like my peers is the fact that I find guys and girls at school so irritating with their friends and whining about their lives, even though they are more priviledged and generally much happier than I am with my life. It's partly jealousy, but most of it is because I am more or a bitter, pessimistic person in terms of other people and this is because I went through a lot of pain and suffering, just to be abandoned by the people that caused it. I hope I didn't bore you or anybody who decides to read this.