I just read your posts and can say that I think I know what you mean. I loathe my depression and am embarrassed that I have it, yet there is a part of me that would not know what to do without it.....It is not that I want to stay depressed, I just don't know another way to be. I have come to realize that I have likely been depressed since I was very young, I don't really know a world without it. I don't really know what makes me the way I am, it has gotten worse with age and experiences. I can't really point to a defining moment that I can say "Aha, there's where it started". I have always been somewhat "melancholy" and reflective.
I cling to a certain level of depression like the abused will cling to an abuser...because it is what I know. I would guess that it is the same for you.
I've been casting an eye on my various posts and thinking back over the counselling and therapy I have had, and I realise that I've been quite assertively defensive of my depression as if it is my friend. I seem to cling to it, almost treasure the notion of myself as a depressed person as if it makes me something special.
Do any other members feel that they do the same thing, or have any insights into this?
It’s been a while since you were active on this site. Please extend your session below
You have been logged out due to inactivity.
Please sign back in.
We use cookies to help us learn about how our platform is used and how we can improve your experience. To
learn more please see our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use.
