I did wish to add that in my part of the country, it's been unseasonably warm. One things I've always feared is the spring and summer, since I feel more people are "out"...my fear is of intimacy I think. I just don't do well in groups
I'm glad to say that I'm changing enough to feel compassion for both. Hopefully that will spread to others, since I often feel grumpy. Also, I can say I've been critical, so maybe I understand
Hi H: How sad that a teacher, with a leadership role of sorts with the students - ridicules another teacher for studying hard. What kind of example is that? Better to have admired the gym teacher and used this example to show the students how they too could achieve their goals and never to give up.
Sometimes I've compared someone who is imperfect and has reached my goal too, and assured myself that I can reach it, similar to you.
In high school, the chemistry teacher, who was proud of our academic record and reputation, would ridicule the head of physical health and education. He described how that gym teacher used to study at university at night, and had to put in long hours to succeed.
I thought that was funny, until I found out that I had a similar learning curve
Sonia,
I'm discouraged myself from perfectionistic behaviours, such as spelling errors when posting. Also, I'm becoming less petty, and more tolerant.
How do either of feel about a connection between procrastination and perfectionism?
I'm a perfectionist too. I'm using the book called "The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook" and these affirmations helped me:
-I don't have to be perfect to be loved.
-I appreciate my achievements, & I'm much more that all of them put together.
I compared myself w someone too, Hugs. There was this person at my support person's work who sits around all day and wines and complains and doesn't do her job. But she has friends and people who love her. It showed me that I don't have to be perfect to be loved.
Lately, I've been telling myself that what ever the out come is, it will add to my experiences; another story to share.. what ever the outcome is.
I struggled with this all my life, but am much better with practise.
I usually feel uncomfortable with store clerks. At the meat counter, I did what i always do - ask for a cut of meat with the weight and minced twice. I walked away, and was called since the new counter server was paying attention to her child who was with her dad. When I returned, the server stated I had "walked away without telling her the weight".
So I just smiled and stated I had given her the weight AND to mince it twice. Her lame response was she was adjusting the scale(i.e. not listening).
I'd just returned from the gym, where I was refreshed, and had just witnessed a member going berserk when someone changed the channel without asking permission!
After I saw the confrontation, my day seemed so much easier
Sometimes it pays to compare yourself to another, but usually I avoid it
Sorry I set you up with a very tough question there.
Perfectionism is a result of irrational beliefs that cause anxiety. Everyone can be a bit of a perfectionist, but it can become harmful if perfectnism is taken to the extreme. Once you start managing the anxiety the perfectnism will subside. By trying to make everything perfect you are trying to control everything(impossible). When you feel anxious you feel out of control, so thereby being a perfectionist you are trying to take control to cope but it really is self defeating because perfect simply does not exist. Being a perfectnist can be quite debilitating. Not only does it make you anxious which has negative mental and physical consequences it also may prevent you from doing certain things as you feel, "well if I can't do it right I won't do it at all."
The good news is the program will help you challenge perfectnism by challenging your anxious/irrational thoughts. You will get there, just keep working at it and be patient with yourself. Try not to be a perfectnist with this program!
yes i ´ve been discovering a lot the past weeks. And it feels great to know u can challenge it and get better.
now you have asked an interesting question. how can i challenge perfectionist thinking? honestly ive thought about it a lot and i have not found a way to challenge it yet. I need to though! Cause its a big issue i have. maybe set my goals smaller? or accept it if i cant finish things at a certain times ? but how i can set my mind to it that it is ok the way it is? lower my standards? but same thing then i have to be ok with it as well. and its a mind set. last year ive had many situations i couldnt do it perfect anymore specially at work i felt like i failed. and I felt bad about it. i also feel like this in my relationship cause i always want it perfect but i cant of course. its like a force. i want to change this so bad! cause it bothers me a lot. ive had this thing that i always need to have it very clean, as soon as something was a little dirty i cleant it. But this ive changed, i try not to care so much about it. this i learnt from my boyfriend cause he is the total opposite! he is so relaxed when it comes to having a clean house or not so clean. and that it is ok if it isnt clean at all times. so ya how can i challenge it or how can i set my mind right?
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