This is where my problem starts I started analyzing the problem and what I would say about it. I have heard that it is said a lawyer never asks a question unless he or she knows the answer. This I where I get into real trouble going through scenarios of what I am going to say and then anticipating the other person response; so that I have a response ready for theirs.

Invariably the conversation never turns out the way I anticipate and I get stuck tongue tied with a response that I was not expecting. Then I in a brain freeze to answer back to their response. I have read that worrying does not help the situation, I am not sure that I am worrying I think I am just preparing myself for all responses.

However, I have learned that the response or the way you think thing things will unfold seldom happens. I have also come up with an alternative thought. The thought is I am am not in a one-hour debate that starts and stops forever. In the above situation, the answer I got was even worse than I ever considered. The answer provided an opportunity for me to add value to  the organization. However, the thought did not come to me until well after the conversation exchange. This is one question am I worrying about my response which serves no purpose or am I coming up with an alternative response that I could not think of at the time. I just realized something right know that even if I have an alternative response after the situation that if I wait and bring it up again and say my new thought; they may respond in a manner that again puts me into a tongue tied response.

One of the ways I was such a good auditor is that I would survey the situation and then go ask open ended questions (which is probably not assertive), but it worked many times because the person would always give too much information and hang themselves. I am not looking for symbolic victories in every conversation I only use the auditing example of another way I prepared for a conversation.

Question do people who are good at being assertive go into a conversation with the facts and remain open to any response so that they can quickly assess the response, and ask or respond to the other persons in accordance with what the other person answer was. One problem is where I am in an interview and it is a one-hour debate I cannot go back and reassess what was said and go back with the correct answer.

At the end of the interview I had, the person asked if I was looking for work elsewhere. I know they are not allowed to ask that question but they saved it to the last moment when I was preparing to walk out, and sprung the question on me. I know that an interview is a stressful situation for anyone, even for a person who is not by nature a nervous person. However, when your filled with anxiety is my inability to respond to the question in an appropriate manner because I am a nervous person; or is it because I am still trying to change to being assertive; or is it because I try to prepare for the interview and did not anticipate that question.

Or is it all three of these and the fact that I beat up on myself for not coming up with the right answer after the situation has occurred which just reinforces the helpless tongue tied response. I think I know the answer that the health providers will say is that I have answered my own question. I was wondering do other people have similar problems that I have. The answer to this one is probably yes because there is a session on being assertive and disputes. I just wondered how other people handle the situation. I have seen that there is the suggestion to use a conversation record in a dispute. However, I am not in a dispute in many of my conversations problems and I think by analyzing what I should have said reinforces the tongue-tied position I find myself in.

Dizzy