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Talking Assertively


12 years ago 0 118 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Thank you Samantha I had read the and assertive talking along time ago but I had forgotten where I did read it and could not remember where it was.  To answer the your question in terms of perspective talking I think as Davit said I may be doing this to much or to my detriment I always look to the other side of the story even when I truly believe I am right. I use this to my advantage when I wrote the hospital a letter they were going to cancel the program under the guise of the "Recovery Model" for mental health. I read the model and used it against them. By using what the recovery stood for instead of what they wanted to do which was to use it to cut costs.
 
But I think Davit is right for me I do not know when to quit right know. But growing up in a family where you were either right or wrong all the time I certainly see where I got the want to be perfect or right all the time. I am working on this by letting things go know, when my father or brothers come out with a distorted thought I used to point or the other point of view. It was as if was trying to recover my entire family through CBT. My one brother is receptive to what I think and I am to what he thinks we actually have conversation about different points of view instead of right and wrong. I guess I will just have to leave my father to his own thoughts and not bring up alternative thoughts.
 
Dizzy
12 years ago 0 4027 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Dizzy,
I also use a word processor.  I did that until I felt comfortable.  Also, I find that I'm sometimes thinking about a topic, and can write it, without having to log in and log out of the forum which I find is slow(at least my system is).
 
I imagine logging out might be a good idea, unless some people have their blackberries or smartphones connected.  Eventually it will be an application, I'm certain(and optimistic!).  But then there's discretion, so I'm not  certain that anyone would want their device logged in all the time.
 
Right now, I suppose I would prefer to log off, so if someone wishes to keep another in mind, if they're not logged on, then they can post later...
 
Quite frankly, I don't know what all the icons mean on the site, but I know my WP really well, and am happy with my speed(until I see those pre-teens at the library smoking keyboards!!!).
12 years ago 0 118 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
It is interesting to see different points of view thank you everyone for your input. Sid if you want to write something and want to take your time and rearrange it so that you can post it in a way you think gets you question or point across then I have a suggestion for you. If you have word in Microsoft bring up a new page and type to your heart’s content then when you want to post it to a thread keep the word document open scroll over the entire document so that you can copy and paste. Then right click you mouse button and click copy then go to the site, which you have already opened and want to post to and click the icon at the top of the post with a "w" meaning word document. It will say do you want to allow access to your clipboard, “you click yes” which is what you just did by scrolling the entire document and right clicking to copy it. Then you click the icon again and what you wrote in word and put on the clipboard will appear in the message box.
Dizzy. it makes me dizzy just explaining that. Just kidding.
12 years ago 0 1665 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Sid and Dizzy:  I haven't been on board of directors, just ex. councils, special cttees. etc.  Anyway, once you get to know how your board/council works, know the agenda and what the interests are, new projects introduced, I try and familiarize myself with some background.  The only kind of questions/answers I might have are from what might come up in the meeting from others and address them as they come.  Sometimes I'm just in a position to listen, sometimes I have to explain my project and ask for help.  For me, it's not so much the right answer as more an exchange of ideas and how to's.  Sometimes your ideas get shot down, but don't take it personally, maybe the timing wasn't right, maybe there wasn't enough money, maybe there were too many ideas going round.  I just do the best I can.  Just the other night at a meeting I had to push one of my ideas through, most were against it.  I just explained my feelings about the it (and yes, I get shy sometimes but if I truly believe in it, I go for it) and the motion was made and passed.
I don't know if any of this helps you.
 
Your friend, Sunny
12 years ago 0 252 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Dizzy,
 
I don't really have answer for this one...When confronted with a situation where I know I will have to assert myself I try to rehearse what the question maybe that they will ask..I walk away and later think I should of said this or I should of said that.
I try to prepare for the next meeting or confrontation a head of time, but I am not sure if you can be prepare for everything..
I know you said that your situation was not a confrontation and that it had to do with board meetings..I have never been in your situation or on a board so I am not sure if I can help you...Maybe someone else  here with this kind of can..I think Sunny has been on boards before..Maybe she can share some of her experience with you after she sign in and reads your post...
 
Sid
12 years ago 0 252 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0

Davit my dear friend also,

Thanks for the support and encouraging words..Your right I will put it down the best way I can. The act of doing it is whats really important..My thoughts and comments are important and so are everyone else's..I have had a vast amount of experiences in my life..I guess I should of went to collage and taken some English classes but I didn't..I was busy raising a family and surviving..Now that I am in the golden years of my life I have a lot to share about living because of this experience. Taking collage classes is not something I am interesting in doing in this last chapter of my life. I am having a good time with the art and craft type classes I am taking now. I am really starting to relax and enjoy my life. So I will not concern myself with the, could of, should of, would of, type of thinking. It is negative and anxiety provoking....I have had a very interesting life so far and I plan on enjoying the rest of it to the fullest...
Thank you Davit for getting me back on track and into a positive frame of mind again..You are a dear friend..
 
Sid....
 
 
12 years ago 0 6252 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Sid my dear friend,

Put it down any way you can, just do it. You know your thoughts and comments are important. I for one will ask if I don't understand. I would imagine any one who expects perfect grammar has never been in a chat room. Now there is some interesting sentences in a chat room, I swear you have to have a sense of humour there. Besides most things can be figured out by the sentences before and after. And if not well they can ask.

Davit
12 years ago 0 252 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I have something I want to say in assertive way..I was composing a post for the thread your panic cycle and by the time I edited it so that is was easier to read and put in paragraphs and sequenced it all out, I was logged out because it took too much time for me to do this...I do not know how to cut and paste and then post to the forum..Is it ok for me to just post without doing all this to my posts before I post them????...I had something I really wanted to talk about today..
 
Sid
12 years ago 0 6252 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi dizzy.

Problem with writing down what you think are going to be the answers before the questions is that you have only a limited number of answers where as if you go in cold you have to look for the answer at the time. So there will be a minute taken while you look for the answer. If you would have been tongue tied and brain fogged anyway it won't matter other than you will look studious rather than lost. We all come up with the right answer long after the fact. Frustrating right.

Being assertive is about making your point. And the best way is to do it slow and clear and to not let anyone shut you down. This starts with being assertive with yourself.

Do you know the answers to the questions you will be asked? You must or why are you in this situation.
Do you have to be 100% right, would 80% or less be okay. ( Perfectionism?)

How important is it to get it right? Does it make you look bad? Do you care?

And a biggy! Are you going to like yourself less if you fail? Yes / no? Some negatives here depending how you answer. 
Assertive starts with yourself.

Worrying does not help the situation once into the situation, you are there, you are stuck, make the best of it. Be assertive with yourself. Worry before the situation is different, it can be a way to prepare or it can destroy your preparation. You have to decide which it is doing. And if the latter then quit doing it.

Now this is easy for me to say because I am the type that likes a challenge and I have lots of confidence because it doesn't matter if I win or lose as long as I get in some good moves or points. Better to be remembered for one real good point than a bucket of mediocre ones. Of course this is fine if all it is is a debate not a job application. But then job applications usually call for a resume where you get to put down all the answers to all the questions they might ask. Another thing lawyers never do is put out an answer that might bring up a question they don't have an answer for.

I am certainly assertive but not competitive. I do the best I can but don't beat myself up if some one proves to be better than me. It happens.

As usual I have found your post very interesting :-)

Just babbling here, not trying to give you an answer. I know you will find it on your own, you always do.

Davit.
12 years ago 0 2606 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hello dizzy,
 
Thank you for sharing this with us. You do make a good point, hearing how others handle talking assertively. 
 
Members, has anyone used the following tips fir being more assertive:
 
These tips can be found in the assertiveness skills portion of session 11 of the program. Please share your experiences with working on assertiveness.
 


Samantha, Health Educator

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