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The Letter

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 30

funny you should mention this now. i just finished writing a letter to my brother. i'm not sure if i have the courage to face him and give it to him yet, but it is written.

basically i'm letting him know that i'm not going to hide behind secrets anymore. i know what happened, and i know that he knows too. i've told him i can't live a pretend life anymore; it's killing me. i also told him that if he wants to repair the damage, he has to acknowledge that he hurt me, apologize, and promise never to carry that on to his two girls. i really want to put all this in the past, but i know that burying it and hiding is not the answer.

i'm learning to be angry at the people who deserve it, instead of directing it all at myself. it's been hard, but i've finally stopped blaming myself for it.

thanks.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 517

Hi everyone.

I've written many letters that are not meant to be read. I've written many to myself and many to the people of my past, etc. I may need to do it again. I usually journal and that is one way I relieve my worries. I've also written a letter to the future me, that I'd be reading in 10 years

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Red

Treat your panic like an imaginary enemy, even give it a name if it helps. Write the letter like you would write to a news paper as an anonymous person. Let it all out. Say every thing you want to. No one will read this but you so you can write any thing you want. It might surprise you the things that bother you but you don't want to talk about. You might not get it all out the first time so do it again till you have it all out. It is a bit like exposure. It's hard to do but it is worth it in the end. I do it on the computer so I can edit it and get it just right.

Just one more baby step on the way to freedom.

Davit.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 420

I like this idea of writing a letter and saying good bye to panic and telling panic it isn't going to control my life anymore. I have always been a little afraid of journaling. Writing a letter is something I think I can do. I have never been comfortable with the idea of journaling but I am now starting to consider the idea. I am not sure where or how to start.

Red

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

sunny.

Yes you are making sense. Very much so. I sometimes think that if we had a more aggressive personality we would not have so much anxiety but I don't think I would want to be that type of person. I like who you are and I like who I am. So what if we are a bit too sensitive. A little pain in life just makes the good times more enjoyable.

Davit

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

I agree about journalling - or a letter. I have done both and continue with the journalling. I still have things which bother me and have difficulty talking about. Journalling or writing a letter is a safe way to get it out and nobody else has to see it. I have found I have to do it more than once too. Sometimes I feel that I have dealt with it and it feels great. Later, it sneaks in again. Is it because it is like stages of grief, perhaps lessening as time goes by? I suppose it is different for everyone. Another thing I have trouble with is talking about the person who did "such and such". I feel like I'm gossiping or blackening their name and then feel guilty and think I shouldn't have said anything, when in reality, they did do it, it was real and it was to me and I do need to acknowledge the pain and not bury it. Am I making sense?

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Today has been a rather slow day with little that has to be done and I found myself rereading my journal.(diary if you like) that I started years ago when I was withdrawing from Ativan and the panic attacks were very bad. I was having them every night at around 2:00 and some times during the day also. Going anywhere and doing anything was a matter of waiting for the conditions to be right.(seldom) And stockpiling so I could wait for conditions to be right. I was a mess and panic ruled my life. I lived in terror almost 24/7 and it was so bad I just wanted to die. I looked for ways to do it that would be painless to me and others and thank God I never found a way. I dreaded company and panicked every time a car went by. I lived on calming herbal teas and drank enough to leave me dopy. Going to a restaurant was out of the question. On top of that for part of the time I was on the wrong medication that left me worse. Probably the best time of it all was going to the psych ward for a rest. I had to be in that hospital for tests and treatment for Staph infection and that was the quietest ward they could find for me. It was really not what I was expecting. No straight coats and screaming patients. More like live in group therapy. I would go again if it ever became necessary, which I doubt that it will. Some times it was so bad that I had tunnel vision and walked like a zombie. Driving was a major chore. Every thing outside of the house was a major chore and I was so tired. I was sure I had something wrong with me, a tumour or some mental disease.

Now look at me. I am probably as normal as most people. More so than a lot. Life is good and I still find it hard to believe I was like that. But I was. There is nothing special about me. No magic qualifications or background in mental health, just determination and curiosity. I'm a labourer by trade.

The point is I guess that if I can do it so can anyone with a little determination. Oh and I too thought back then that I would never get better. All I wanted to be able to do was cope and I have far exceeded that.

A rather strange way to spend Easter but it is a good reminder of all that I have to be thankful for. I hope that just knowing that there is hope and a cure will help anyone feeling down in the dumps today.

Davit.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Ashley.

Just like that. (a form of journaling) Pick out a situation that causes you panic, write down all the things you don't like about it and why. Write down the things you are going to do to change it and say good bye. Save it to read again.

It works for me although I sometimes have to do it more than once. There are so many little things in the back of our minds that need to be cleaned out and this is a good way to do it.

I had to do this with my brother. After 59 years of torment physically and mentally I just had to Email and say enough is enough. This was a unique situation that could not be repaired (I tried many times). There was a bit of pain for a few days. A person hates to do something this final but the relief is unbelievable. One more piece of stress down the drain. I exchanged Happy Easters with my sister in law and her parents by text message still. She is not trying to get my brother and me together and for this I thank her.

This is pretty drastic and should only be done if writing and not sending the letter doesn't work. On the other hand it is your life and if some one is causing you torment then get rid of them. But please before you do, make sure it is for real and not imagined.

The other side of the coin is this. Do you need to say sorry to some one? Is the fact you have hurt some one causing you undue strain? Is it influencing your life? Saying you are sorry even if they won't acknowledge it will give you closure.

Davit.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11214

Members,

The finality of a letter can help you achieve closure. Start the letter and get the closure you need. Do you need to close a chapter in your life? Do you need to say goodbye to someone or something?

You don’t need to send the letter, only have it written to receive the closure you are looking for.

How would you say goodbye to panic taking control?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

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