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Chronic worry


Davit
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5 years ago 0 Davit 6252 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Ashley

Something to think on.
I hear often people blaming their parents for their condition. You have probably heard this too. "my mother was a worrier and I inherited it". So I can't do anything about it. Well this is only half true. In fact a person can't inherit this like hair or eye colour but you can build a core belief from being around it and thinking it is normal. Core beliefs can and often are so strong that they feel like they are inherited and in a way I suppose they are. But unlike eye colour they can be changed with time and determination. 

But what about need. What if you have a core belief that says you need to make lists and worry something to death so you don't forget it. What if this is how you feel in control. (you are not in control) If it is what you think is normal then would it do any good to be told it is not and would you listen. In this case it would really have to be messing up your life before you would want to change.

Then their is habit. And we know there are good habits and bad habits. 
Notice how these are all learned things. A child is around a parent who worries and learns to from them. The child grows up and gets responsibility and carries the worry to it. As a child it may not show and be mistaken for shy but it gets pretty hard to hide in social settings.

I think I may well have been a worrier before learning not to be. It may have been where my anxiety developed from.
I left home at 15 and soon found I had to find solutions to everything. There was no one to fall back on. In fact some of the things I had to find answers to were life threatening.  Worry when it is -40 and there is no fire wood does no good. Making lists does no good when you need to check the fish net to feed yourself and the dogs. So I seem to have learned to be concerned rather than worry. So if I have built a core belief concerning concern verses worry it is a good thing.

So if this is possible for me because I had to then is it possible that people have difficulty because it really isn't necessary bad enough. I have no fall back person I can depend on and that can be a problem to if you have some one to do your thinking and work while you waste time worrying.

Something to think on anyway.

Davit.
Davit
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5 years ago 0 Davit 6252 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
I have a lot of concern for things because I can't afford not to. I'm also very observant to things in or out of place. But it stops there. I'm sure there are very many things that I'm concerned with and some of them are an unconscious reaction. I don't know why people take a common concern and make it a worry instead. I do feel it has a connection to anxiety and panic because of the replaying round and round as happens with anxiety and to some extent panic.
If so then CBT should be able to short circuit it the same way it does with unwanted thoughts. Concern is a survival skill so it has priority above all other thoughts. But concern is short lived as it should be, in fact for me, it is often so short it is barely noticeable. The biggest problem with worry is that not only does it use time that could be used for pleasant activities but it covers other concerns. So things get missed and the person then thinks they have a memory problem. And because things get missed there is a memory problem. It is hard to remember things you missed. And this leads to confusion and more worry.
So I would say if there is an answer it would be to find a way to take this worry and turn it into concern instead.
I also think that if a person could change this that they would get a big part of their life back.
There seems to be a bigger connection to fear and phobias with worry than with concern. See if there was a connection to fear with concern then it would likely replay and turn into worry. Maybe this is what happens. Maybe I have concern rather than worry because I have solutions so there is no need for fear.
Interesting how so many mental issues have a common connection to thinking positive and changing thought patterns.
You know that I have little influence from the media because I don't watch TV or listen to negative information, be it from people or the media. Negative certainly does breed negative and worry breeds more worry.
The strange thing and this can be dangerous is that some people can lose concern because of worry becoming so fixated on one thing they miss things happening around them. This of course causes fear and Agoraphobia.
So there would be a very big load lifted if worry could be stopped.
Now of course there are things like core beliefs, habit and need that can be stumbling blocks to curing this too. 
You can't change something unless you really want to.
Leading by example can work if the person being led is open to to taking that example and making it theirs. 
I'm actually aware that I have better understanding and more determination than the average person and that I can stick with something even if it seems to be going no where. Therefore I have patience and understanding for those that take a long time. One has to remember, me included that I have been working at this a very long time and had some very good help which I realize is not available to many.

Worry can interfere with health and I think this is a bigger problem than suspected. Anyway it is a vicious circle and all I can really say is that I am so glad I don't worry. 

I have a follow up appointment on thursday and it isn't really even a concern other thanI have to remember to go.

No I don't think you are off base. You make some very good points and it doesn't hurt to be reminded that I have already done what I try to explain so am not quite in the same boat as someone newly experiencing it.

Davit
Ashley -> Health Educator
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Interesting Davit.

It can be really tough to move past the ego and recognize when we may need to work on ourselves. Changing behaviour whether it be worry, addiction, negative thinking, aggressiveness or anything for that matter can be tough to face.  Taking accountability for our thoughts, patterns and actions is the first step to any change. Getting to that level of self insight is probably the hardest first step. When someone is precontemplative, in other words, when they are not even thinking of changing their patterns, then they will be defensive and not open to listening. Your best hope at that point is talking to them in a way that does not provoke defensiveness. Don't lecture or give pointers because they won't be heard. Ask questions - good, inspiring and thought provoking questions. Avoid questions that begin with why as this implies blame. All you can hope for when someone is in the precontemplative stage of change is to get them thinking about change and how it might benefit them. 

You are an expert at systematically making changes to you life, thoughts and even environement - not everyone is as developed at personal growth as you are Davit :)  So, the question  to you is, how can you support anothers change while at the same time being flexible enough to repect anothers speed of growth?


I hope I wasn't totally off base with this post, I may be going in another direction from what you meant. Either way, I would like to hear your thoughts.

Ashley, Health Educator
Davit
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5 years ago 0 Davit 6252 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Ashley

Speaking of focus, I find that when people can't focus they revert to habit. This can be hard on a relationship if habit is not what is needed.  When a person does things their way in a relationship because they can't remember instructions it can cause strife if they are trying to help but in fact are not. Some people are too proud to ask for help, Others only hear what they want to and then say that is not what you said. This comes from worry. The person plays over the problem rather than the instructions and comes up with a solution entirely different from the instructions. And of course they don't accept responsibility when it doesn't work. Fear of having someone notice they have a problem even though it is very obvious.
People who worry too much get confused because they come up with too many solutions and can't choose one. So they revert to habit. Even if it is wrong. The other thing is that they get tired and make mistakes.

So what is the solution? I really don't know since I don't worry about things, I just do it.

Davit
Red1
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5 years ago 0 Red1 2502 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Thank you Ashley for the compliment and Thank you for leading me on this journey..

It was so nice of you to point this out to me for I had not noticed that I had made so much progress until you pointed it out to me..It feels really good to know that I am on the right track and moving in a positive forward direction..It was so subtle it seems to of happened without me hardly noticing it..
 
That's how cbt works I guess..
.
Red:)
Ashley -> Health Educator
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Thanks Red!

Anxiety and depression can have symptoms related to ADD. In fact, many people with ADD also have anxiety and/or depression. But not many people with depression and anxiety have ADD.
 
You are right it can be incredibly hard to focus when you are anxious. If you can manage the anxiety and then you are able to focus then it is unlikely have ADD.  Learning to manage anxiety is incredibly hard, especially when our genetics and past have made us prone to anxiety. It takes a very strong person to continually fight anxiety. It is also important to note that anxiety is a normal human emotion and sometimes it is healthy to feel anxious. But chronic worry can be very debilitating and unhealthy so it is important to learn to manage. 
 
You should be very proud of yourself Red. You have come so far over the years. You are one of the inspirations of this forum! I hope you take some time regularly to reflect on how far you have come and how strong you are. You deserve to be present to your awesomeness
Ashley, Health Educator
Red1
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5 years ago 0 Red1 2502 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Hi Ashley,
So nice to hear from you again and thanks for explaining this.
 
I do find that anxiety/worry makes it hard to concentrate and stay focused on tasks at hand especially when there are outside or internal distractions going on so it I guess I was thinking it had some similarities to ADD..
 
When you grow up in a household with perons that worry about everything it sure makes it hard to concentrate or stay focused on anything..Life seem to be to full of tragedy mixed with lots of anxiety and panic..Hence the need to escape from it..This does explain the need to run from it...
 
Learning now that this habit of worrying is not normal is eye opening. Now comes the part of relearning a new way of thinking..and may be a way to stop running from it..Growing up isn't easy is it..
 
It's good to know that cbt can help with the anxiety that these distractions cause.  
If I want to know more about ADD I will check out the links on line that you mentioned..
 
Thanks as always,
 
Red..
 
Ashley -> Health Educator
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Hi Davit,

Nice to be posting. We only have Health Educators on for a few hours during the weekend now and we have to manage multiple sites while on so we are not able to post as much as we used to. We try to make at least one appearance in each thread though...but this doesn't normally happen until the weekend. Has your friend had symptoms like this for much of her life? The fact that she is zoning out while driving can be related to a lot of conditions but that can be also be a symptom of ADHD. You also mentioned a lot of coffee cups laying around. Does she drink a lot of coffee. Some people with untreated ADHD turn to lots of caffiene in an attempt to feel more alert since they always feel somewhat unfocused. If she has already been seeing doctors and psychiatrists and had a psychiatric evaluation for all conditions then it is unlikely they would miss ADHD. Women are less likely to have ADHD but it still can occur.


Red and Davit,

The exact cause of ADHD is not certain. It likely has a genetic and environemental component. For more info read here: http://psychcentral.com/lib/causes-of-attention-deficit-disorder-adhd/0001202. To my understanding Red, ADHD cannot be triggered by trauma alone. I have heard some cases where ADHD was set of by a serious drug addiction but I am not sure how common that is. I think most individuals are born with it and display symptoms when they are young. If an adult has ADHD they will always have ADHD. With treatment symptoms can be minimized and people with ADHD can have successful, normal lives.
 
Anxiety may also have a genetic component. It can be that some people are more anxious then others due to their genetic makeup or it might be that anxiety is a learned behaviour...or a little bit of learned behavior and genetic factors. In either case anxiety like ADHD can be managed with proper treatment. Anxiety is very managable and in most cases CBT alone can ensure success. ADHD treatment requires psychotherapy and in many cases medication. It may also be important to include coaching, life skills, behavioural changes, diet changes exercise and other supports.
 
Ashley, Health Educator
Red1
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5 years ago 0 Red1 2502 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Good Morning everyone..
This subject is close to my heart and I mentioned before that I thought that it could be a learned behavior. My mother and grandmother were great worriers and worried about everything. My grandmother worried constantly about the weather and preached Revelation most every day. My mother worried about one of us getting in a car accident if we were on a trip on the road and many other things too..So I grew up with it on a daily basis, this is why in my case I feel it was a learned behavior..not sure really. Sometimes I wonder if it isn't in the genes.
 
Now when I think back on it I think they may well have suffered from anxiety/panic too.because it seemed so extreme.It certainly had a negative effect on me.
 
One thing I do know is that it is something I struggle with too..Except that for me it is usually based on traumatic past life events or negative experiences that play over in my head when faced with decisions that involve some of the same traumatic situations..Hence this makes it hard to stay in the present and move forward with my life sometimes and I find myself drifting off to no mans land again. 
 
So for me I find that the past can has a profound effect on my present if these negative thoughts get out of control, so I work hard to challenge these negative thoughts and feeling when they pop up or in unexpectedly..Of course some of them are based on fact which makes them hard to ignore which effects my ability to stay in the present at times like this..So the question is can a person end up with ADD because of past events or learned behavior? and if so which came first. The chicken or the egg in cases like this...
 
Just wondering is it fixable? and if it is How do you fix it?
If CBT doesn't work..
 
Red...
 
 
 
Davit
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5 years ago 0 Davit 6252 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Ashley,

Hi, I sent you an Email.  Good to see you commenting once in a while. I hope spring has finally hit your part of the country. It is beautiful here except for the mosquitoes. 

My friend also constantly replays at great length things that are important to her. I've heard the same storey over and over and don't comment because she needs to talk. It is exact too almost word for word. She doesn't get lost but sometimes will miss a turn because she seems to be somewhere else. Yet it is not drugged. I trust her driving completely.  Symptoms of mental disorders cross over so much that even the professionals  have trouble with a diagnoses. I'm hoping CBT can reduce her dependence on benzo's and her cognitive function will improve.

Davit

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