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limitations of CBT

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hello loves trees: How are you doing today? Just thinking of you and wishing you the best.

Sunny

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 653

Hi loves trees,

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so low still. It sounds like you are doing the right things for yourself so please be proud of yourself for that. There is great advice here from your fellow members and hopefully that is helpful too. Stay strong but do be gentle with yourself. Keep doing what you are doing. It will get better!

Tiana, Health Educator

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

loves trees.

Do you think these three things are bad or are they just impressions acquired from others. I'm getting old, I'm 60. It took me a long time to mature in the sense that most people consider mature. I was not stupid, but having an anxiety disorder made it hard for me to fit in this mature category. I functioned but a lot of the time on the edges. And I suffered for it. But look at me now, I finally grew up. (not my definition) If I look back at the good times I had I would have to say I had a good life overall even though I didn't fit in.

Oh this second one is a tough one. Are you happy for the most part? If you are talking about being strong in all situations and never crying, never feeling pain, being there for others all the time. This is a false concept. We are supposed to have emotions, we are supposed to feel emotions, even anger if it is justified. Holding them in is not good for you. Some of us have stronger emotions than would be considered appropriate. As long as you are not hurting any one with them why should it matter?

I often want some one to take care of me too. The world gets heavy on my shoulders and I want to curl up in a ball and have some one hold me and take the pain away. And I'm old and Male so I'm not supposed to feel this way. Sorry world but I do. Life is easier if you don't have to do it alone. Unfortunately some times there just is no one there when we need them.

We are here for you, even though it is not the same.

Keep looking there is help. Keep posting and keep questioning. The answers are out there.

Here for you,

Davit

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hello loves trees: I am so sorry you are going through a really rough time right now. I wish I could help you more than just a few words here. Pls. know I care about you and what happens to you. Hang onto my hand, and everyone elses here, we are supporting you all the way. Keep posting! We want to hear from you and know how you are doing. I hope you find a counselor who suits you. True enough, the first appt. is usually an introduction of sorts and you don't get down to the work for a couple of appts. or so. When you are having those very strong emotions, can you use some form of distraction? All is not hopeless, keep the faith. We are listening.

Your friend, Sunny

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

I'm not ready for the life I have - the expectations of others, the responsibilities, the self reliance expected of all adults.

I am emotionally not any whre near my chronological age.

I just want someone to take care of me.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Thank you everyone who replied!

I woke up this AM still angry at the therapist I saw yesterday and couldn'tt stop thinking about what I wanted to say to her. Even though my body wanted to stay in bed to get more rest, I accepted that my head was "awake" for the day, and I got myself up and making breakfast will distract me somewhat from having all my focus on how angry I am at her.

This is really hard. I am getting thoughts and emotions, almost constantly lately, that I don't know what to do with. My sensations of "get away from this person" that I feel as soon as someone seems unhelpful, scary, con artist, have protected me in the past. Its not going to be easy to transform that entire process of me scanning a person to ensure they are not out to take advantage of me, and then flee. That has been my process for years.

My emotions seem "stuck" at age 4 or so.

Even if eveyrone in my life understood enough to cut me some slack for the next while my path to recovery or healing would be hard as hell. But the people in my life are not cutting me slack for the most part. They see an adult in shape and size in front of them and expect me to be able to not only behave like an adult but to take care of their needs as well. Its exhausting.

Red, thank you for your post. I have an appointment with a grief counselor and i was going to cancel it because I am worn out but I am going to keep it.

Davit, I will try the mirror exercise.

Hugs4you, and Kevzbob,your words were right on too. Most people in my life don't want me to havve emotions. They do not want to be shock absorbers. Worse, they are so unhelpful that when I am upset they talk about how inconvenient this is for themm. Or they walk away. There is a lot of confusion because others do not understand and I am unable to explain what is going on inside. They say "if this is how you are going to behave I am leaving". they don't understand that this behaviour is a cry for help. They don't see that their response is the worst thing they could do while I am crying for help. They think that if you walk away from a crying child, it will teach the child to grow up. That is wrong.

They do not see that this is something I am struggling with inside and that if I don't get that energy out and if I keep it inside that would be worse. In a way I guess I have been begging for someone to help me absorb the shock of the painful emotion but when you throw something out and it doens't get absorbed it bounces back. Or worse I end up dealing with my inner turmoil and trying to relieve others of theirs that they believe I have caused them. My inner turmoil is not mine. I don't even have to convince myself of that anymore. I just feel it. It is not me. It is camping out inside me and I want it gone. I truly believe that anyone who becomes part of my personal healing circle has to also believe that "it" (the anger) is not me. It needs to be shown the door, not me.

so I am in a real cycle right now. WHen I am not upset, I am busy trying to think my way out of this, and trying to figure out who I can trust, who I should keep in my life and so on. Then when I am upset I suffer through the pain. Then when that is over, I go back to trying to figure out what to do about it. I go back and forth endlessly, telling myself I can handle it by myself, and then getting upset because I don't want to do it alone and am not sure I can. Over and over.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 659

Hello loves trees,

I remember you talking about reading some books on grieving and that you have be grieving the loss of a person close to you for 2 yrs. I was wondering if you had considered going to grief groups..There are many grief groups run by Hospice that deal with bereavement and the grieving process that can help you. The have drop in groups here in the U.S and in Canada..There is a web site called Canadian Virtual Hospice on line they have a map where you can put in your location and find bereavement help and groups in your area. I went through to the Hospice drop in group and repeated it for over a year to help me with my grief after losing my husband..They are very good..They may also be able to help you find counseling..There are so many emotions involved in grief..Anger, fear, guilt, denial, sadness, and so on. It can come in waves with heart palpations and such out of no where. It is not uncommon to experience all of these emotions in a single day and without warning..I used to work with Hospice patients private duty and know there suffering and there families suffering..If you think grief may be causing you problems I would not hesitate to seek help from Hospice with your grief...They are a very caring and compassionate organization that is specifically trained to deal with these issues.. I hope the information helps you or anyone else reading here if they are needing help with there grief....

Red

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Hi LovesTrees,

Sounds like you have the plan, and need permission. If our emotions are like the ocean, it’s personally taken a long time to learn to wax that surf board for the wild ride ‘cause the tide will go down.

It’s like being in a rodeo every day, without a choice. We can’t just walk away, or take a cab, or public transit.

Or like being in a bullring. One can’t politely excuse oneself from the charging bull. You take the bull by the horns, and dance with it until he finds out who’s in charge.

In the Tango dance, there has to be a lot of synergy and there is a great deal of emotion which is harnessed.

Connecting with compatible people will buffer the huge waves too, but it’s a whole different universe when we have to be willing to reciprocate when they need need you. People are the most accessible emotional shock absorbers, since we’re alike.

I used to want an owner’s manual, but now I just want to know I’m not alone as we engage daily obstacles and then things become manageable....

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 14

Hi again,

I know where your comming from. It took me along time to find a psychiatrist that I liked, but I also realized that it takes along time to get to know someone. Diffently longer than a couple of visits. My visits usually start with a recap of who I am and what I am doing, then we talk about other stuff that has nothing to do with my problem at the end we talk briefly about my meds and what I can do to improve. I asked why we talk about other stuff so much and he says it is to gauge firstly how I am responding to medication, if I seem more anxious or less. This is all done by conversation, body posture etc. I have currently been seeing my current Psychiatrist since August of last year and just now are venturing into CBT. I haven't had too much success with psycholigsts or councelors either.

Panic is never alone in emotion it takes a very big toll on us physically and emotionally. Even with medication Cipralex I still become very angry and aggetated while having panic episodes. I had to switch from Paxil to Cipralex which took a few months and am just now beginig to feel the difference.

As for trying to employ any copping techniques during the actuall attack that can be virtually impossible. Most of the techinques are practiced while calm so your body automatically knows what to do during an attack.

Other stuff you can do in the mean time is practicing meditation, yoga, or going for a walk.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

loves trees.

You are not mistake. During the storm you can do nothing. CBT and exposure ARE techniques to prevent the storms or give you the coping skills to make them less horrendous. All you can do during a storm is cope. This you do with distractions or mantras. What you do not want to do during one is nothing. That only leaves you an empty place to fill and during a negative moment you know what you will do with it. You will fill it with negative thought.

Do you remember me mentioning the mirror. This is a way to change emotions. Some times it is only temporary but if it works for you it can give you some relief. (coping skill) The mirror only has to be big enough to see your face in. A compact will do. During periods of negative emotion, sad or anger. Stare into the mirror and try to smile. Concentrate on smiling. Eyes included. A real smile. This is sort of like self hypnosis. You can not smile and be sad, a real smile not a phoney forced one.

Back to CBT, because it is a reconditioning of how you think it has to be done when you are not in crisis and can't absorb it. Hence needing medication if you can't get enough calm periods to absorb it. This is why it can take a long time without medication. The one bad side effect of medication is that you won't do the CBT.

Exposure: Jumping in with out having coping skills in place can lead to blocking instead of acceptance. Basically you go blank instead of accepting it is there and is harmless. Not always, but I feel (just me and my therapist) that doing it this way is just too dangerous.

As for avoiding doing things because you think they will trigger the storm. It is better to try and back out than to not try and be mad. Remember to use each failure as just a marker not a bad thing. Every time you fail it only means it is not time yet. It does not mean you are a failure, after all if you were not trying you would have nothing to fail.

So to summarize: During the storm do relaxation exercises and accept it is happening. Do the CBT during the calm periods, but stop before it triggers the storm. Don't let yourself dwell on the failures. CBT works but it has to be able too. CBT works best with some one else because they are the distraction that keeps the storm at bay. One on one is best till you get good at it then a group CBT can reinforce it. I never did a group, much as Tracy tried to get one started people here were scared to try. Please keep posting, Please, don't give up, this is just a bump in the road and you have friends here that will help you get over it.

We are, here for you.

Davit.

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limitations of CBT