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12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Hi Ashley,

Thank you so much for taking the time too write me that encouraging inspiring post! I am doing a little better, I have my moments of course but I try to get through them. I put off the surgery for a while maybe that is helping me not worry as much, my voice is stronger and seems better but I may have too have it in the future, I just do not think right now I am emotionally strong enough hopefully soon and even more so may the polyp dissolve and my vocal cords heal naturally, I hear that can happen with voice rest and I have been doing that, its hard not too talk but if it saves me from surgery or pain its worth it.

I like what you said about the candle and the light and it makes perfect sense and thank you for commenting about the progress I have made that makes me feel more cofident and good. I am trying to "tune out" the negativity around me and think positive and I know you know that is not always easy but I am trying my best, one day at a time more or less now.

My husband bought me a new mattress today and I am thinking it will help me sleep better, the old one was awful! I would wake up all achy and tired, this one is firm and good so maybe if I sleep better I will feel even better, more rested, physically today was not so good, stomachache and achy joints but hopefully a few nights on a new mattress will help my body alot.

Tommorow will be kind of a test, my son and husband will be gone all day and I will be alone so I am going to use my skills and knowledge to get through it. Sunny and Carmie gave me good tips on what to do when alone and a little scared, I want them to go through I never would want to hold them back, its walking all day in the hot sun, with a lot of music and strobe lights later and lots of people, I do not think I am ready for that just yet hopefully soon I will be, its very hot here, its come early and I like the cooler weather. Thank you again for writing and encouraging me. I am repeating the last session right now, I think I needed some more time on it, I guess the only question I have is dealing better with the bodily symptoms and not dwelling on my voice and surgery, that is what I am reading over, worry and how too deal. Thank you again, Deb.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Hi Debora,

Wow! I know you might not feel it right now but I can certainly see the HUGE change in you and your thought processes. You are getting there! Debora, I normally wouldn't say this but I truly feel if you continue working on the program you will see a dramatic difference soon. I am so confident in this and in you.

You made a lot of interesting comments in your post. The first thing I have to say is it is so refreshing to see how compassionate and patient you are with your husband. Even though you are going through hard times I can see there is still a lot of love there. I can also clearly see your warm, kind, considerate nature.

It was also interesting how you say you have noticed a lot of negative people around you. Unfortunately this is often what happens; negativity looks for negativity. But the important thing is that now you recognize it. That is the first and most important step to changing it.

You are right it is very hard to be positive when those around you are negative. But remember unless you are in an abusive relationship no one can make you feel a certain way. You have a choice on how you react to someone else. That's easier said then done but it is true.

Positivity breeds positivity. While reading your post I kept seeing in my mind a candle. You have probably heard this analogy before but if not great... I try to remember it when I feel like I am surrounded with negativity (anger, despair, gossip, etc..) I remember that darkness(negativity) can be very lonely and hopeless. It may feel like it will never go away. But light a candle and what happens? The darkness runs! All it takes is one little candle in the vast darkness (negativity) and then you have light (positivity). I think I had this thought pop up now because I know you can be that candle. You can be that example, influence and positivity that could effect everyone around you. How remarkable is that?

Most people who are negative do not realize they are being negative. They also don't realize how damaging their negativity is to themselves and others. You are in such a good position because you can see it! Now with the program, our help and your strength and your authentic self (as I see you - compassionate, articulate and open) you will be able to get there. Keep radiating positivity around the negativity and I have a hunch it might have an effect on others too!

When it comes to your friend I think she likely does not know how hurtful she is being. But know that often people who are negative and unhappy with themselves project their negative thoughts on others. People who are happy with themselves and positive often only have good things to say about other people. It sounds like she has been your friend for a long time. Have you talked to her about how you feel in a gentle way? Have you told her about the program? In my opinion everyone can benefit from reading it and understanding the importance of positivity. Let her know that you are trying to be positive about recovery and tell her how you would like to be supported. Perhaps say something like, "Instead of reminding me of how hard this is maybe you could tell me about any positive change you see in me when I talk to you. Or maybe you could ask me what little thing is working for me today? Or maybe we could just try to talk for a few minutes each day about topics that are positive, maybe we could make a point to discuss three things we are grateful for today or three things we value about each other, etc." Ask her about her thoughts on this and how you could both work together on being more positive. It will take work but you may be able to change the dynamic of your relationship if that is something you are willing to work on. She may get defensive so be sure to ask a lot of questions and try to come from a place of love and not judgement.

BUT remember right now your focus is on you. If you don't want to deal with the negativity of others now that is ok. You have to care for yourself first before you can care for others.

Curious, what session are you on? Do you have any questions that are coming up?

Hope to hear from you soon.

Take care,

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Hi Carmie and Hugs,

Its great hearing from you! I am glad your cold is better Hugs that is good news, the warmer weather is coming for everyone I think so hopefully all these nasty colds and virus's will decrease. I am glad you are better and going on with life, good news.

Hi Carmie, I hope the dizziness has let up, I know that is one of the body symptoms I hate the most, does a glass of OJ help or a piece of candy? I was thinking a little low blood sugar? I dont know, does that help? I DO understand the perimenopause issues, you are probably very early in it cause you are so young, I missed my April period, I never know when its coming anymore? I do get swollen chest and bloated and irritable and sometimes that tips me off its coming and I get very tired.

I am trying to "come out of my fog" so too speak, and its very hard, I have my moments, the klonopin helps and my voice getting better helps but the anxiety is always lurking, its decreased somewhat but I know I have a ways to go in the program.

I think I have noticed how negative I have been and I am trying too work on that the most. I am NOT blaming others but it seems like in my life, I have so much negativity around me! The only positive forces I feel our on this site and my Aunt.

I have lost several friends because of this and it hurts bad, they were pretty up positive people and probably could not handle me, the only friend who has stuck around I see now is very very negative, it almost seems everytime we talk, and I do not know if she means it or not, but makes me feel very very bad and sad and mad about myself, I have noticed a pattern, she keeps saying "this has been going on too long" and "if you wanted to get better you would you are not doing something right" These comments, through perhaps she does not mean for them to hurt, they hurt badly, I am trying to build up my self-esteem and whats left of my dignity and self-respect and it does not help, she is now my only "friend" but is she really??

My husband is having shoulder surgery at the end of the month so I am hoping to be better to help him through the pain and recovery, he has been very negative and crabby, but he works out in the hot sun all day and is sick and very tired so I try to give him a wide berth and understand, right now I am trying to be positive even when surrounded by negativity, a challenge.

How do any other member handle this? If I can ask, doing the program and trying to recover and think positive when there is so much negativity around? Do you ignore it? and try to work around it?. I want to feel better about myself but its hard sometimes when people tell you how sick and weak you have been, and that does not help, I am trying to develop a thicker skin and avoid people telling me how weak and bad I am. With God and this program I am so praying for a decent life again.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Deb,

No worries about responding. I'm over my cold, so I'm just climbing back on the horse, to get back to the business of life.

A tornado is especially a good reason to not respond for anyone

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 373

Hi Debora!

I've been checking in using my son's itouch so I can't usually write but I keep everyone in my thoughts and prayers. I've had a great few weeks anxiety-wise. I've made a lot of discoveries about myself. I have a solution for what to do when I am feeling just generally anxious and maybe dizzy. I realized that I have lots of extra nervous energy. So, I use that energy to do positive things. I dance, I go for a walk, I run, I clean (the house has never looked better!).

I've also had some luck looking at what physically could be causing my anxiety. Did you know that hormonal imbalances can contribute to anxiety? After reading that, I looked back at my tracker and I noticed that my anxiety worsened around the time of my monthly. I am 41 but it is possible that my anxiety is a symptom of perimenopause and if that is the case, there are treatments available for me. I am going to go over this with my doctor at my physical (in two weeks). I'm pretty excited about it.

So, please know that even though I can't always post, I do think about you and wish you (and everyone here) well. We all deserve to have some peace in our hearts and in our lives. I am so grateful for the positive change this community has helped to bring about in my life.

Take care!
Carmie

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

I am sorry Ashley Red and Hugs I just now saw this post, I dont know how I could of missed it, I am sorry. We had some rough tornadic weather here for a few days and the power was off and on. Thank you for writing me and the advice you have given me is good, especially about the challanges that can be faced, I have too stop thinking I am too old too get all better.

I hope your cold is gone Hugs and you are better. I was wondering about your surgery Red and how you are I am praying for you and all of us please let me know how you are Red and please let me know how your cold is doing Hugs and thank you for the positive post Ashley. I have had my ups and downs but I am still trying, its not easy as you know but I cannot give up, some days are better than others, one day at a time, I guess, sometimes its one hour at a time, you do the best you can, I have decided to try to ignore the negativity and hostility around me in my life here, and concentrate on feeling normal once again.

I hope everyone is well. I miss you Carmie and Sunny, I am hoping to hear from you both. I hope you are very very well.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Deb,

To encourage you about being over 50, a lecture came to mind, comparing an Olympic swimmer in his "prime" in 1972, to the same swimmer, 30 year later at the age of 50.

Mark Spitz, showed a 2.5% through 15% improvement in his 50 meter, 100 meter, 200, 500 and 1500 meter races when they compared him from age 20 to himself at age 50!

The exercise physiologist was attempting to convince the audience of the need for training or "best practises", otherwise we decline.

That was one of the most inspiring talks, since the assumption is that we decline as we age.

Remembering that talk pepped me up today, since I'm getting over another cold

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2508

Hi Deb,

I think You and your Aunt have a good incite in this..Taking on one problem at a time is a very good idea..Thats what I try to do too..One thing at a time..One step at a time..

As for being in our fifties or beyond..it can be a challenge but it is not to late to recover and start enjoying life again. Taking it one day at a time and realizing that there will be some changes that will occur as we age..makes it a whole lot easier..Accepting these changes when we have to doesn't mean we have given up..There is so much to enjoy in life no matter how young or old a person is..What we enjoy my change a little as we mature but that is part of growing up..

Red...

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Thank you Hugs and Red for your prayers and support. I know we are all struggling and going through this together.

Thank you Ashley for saying I am more positive I am trying. I was re-reading some of what I journaled here on my diary and in my own journal and I have noticed patterns which I guess is good to know my trigger points and times of anxiety and panic.

My Aunt says I am "trying to take on too much" and I do understand what she means. Not only do I have to contend with panic anxiety and depression but also quitting smoking, losing weight, and a health problem, and perimenopause. She said take them one at a time, perhaps that is part of my problem trying too tackle everything, its hard through when you know its there through.

I think turning fifty was some sort of "trigger" for me, I got very sick three weeks after I turned fifty and it kind of remained.

I know what one thing I HAVE to do is to convince myself its NOT too late and I am NOT too old to recover and I have lots of years ahead of me with my son, if I could do that I know this would be decreased. Can anyone in their fifties or beyond relate or help?? Is this just normal middle-aged fears? and how do you cope. Thank you, Deb.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Debora,

It was so nice to read your post today. I haven't heard this kind of positivity from you in a long time. Please be present to this. I can see the progress already! How do you want to celebrate this? Remember rewards and celebrations are a big part of the healing.

Again, very, very happy to read from you today!

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

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