I hope what is happening in my home does not set me back. My body is already being effected, I ache all over, very tired, and I feel like I am getting a bug or something, probably because lack of sleep. Yesterday when my Therapist arrived early I was in the bedroom finishing getting ready, my husband complained too him about my "sleeping pattern problems" He told him he wanted me sleeping more at night and less during the day, which is what I want too, but the therapist said I cannot be "forced" or "strong-armed" into sleeping ,anotherwords the more you try to sleep the less you will! and I understand that completely.
Many many nights I lay in bed till dawn and cannot sleep, sometimes I get up and read to get sleepy, and that makes my husband very angry, like this morning I laid there till my husbands alarm went off at 5:00 am then I think I dozed for about an hour till my son's alarm went off at 6:45, so I slept about six or seven hours during the day, I mean if you do not sleep all night if you can get a few hours during the day I guess you should, if I dont I ache, I have a headache and feel like seven day garbage, I would LOVE to sleep more at night but right now I cant through I am trying, the klonopin helps somewhat, but still having trouble and I do NOT want to take a sleeping pill on top of a benzo, I dont think that is even safe? is it? I have felt so bad for the last few days and my husband is constantly on me about this, about sleeping "right" I wish I could fall asleep at midnight and sleep all night boy do I ever, but him yelling at me about it and pressuring me is causing the problem to worsen.
He gets mad if I take a nap and sometimes I need one, I am so very tired, my therapist said I am too early in recovery to be pressured about sleep, that will come in time, I just wish hubby would understand that and not make the matter much worse.
I know what he wants he wants "debbie back fast and right now! He wants the house spotless and me looking beautiful doing it! I find that kind of chauvinistic, I am trying so hard to get the house back in order and look better, I do admit this panic disorder has made me look bad but I am trying to look better and clean the house better, but he constantly critizies me about this, did anyone else ever have this problem, a spouse not being understanding and trying to "hurry" recovery? and how did they handle it? I feeling like I am letting him down and that does not help my recovery or self-esteem at all, I mean you cannot force a person too sleep on a set schedule? I just wish he would see how far I have come instead of making me feel bad and sad about my looks and sleep and housework, I think I have improved, but maybe just not enough for him, my therapist said he feels "tension" between my husband and I and I do not want my marriage to end because of it, I guess I need to try harder and just pretend to sleep maybe, but rest is so important to recovery. Why can anything ever be easy? I wish I could be what he wants again and in time I will I think, but he wants it faster and NOW! If anyone ever went through this please let me know and how they dealt with it, I am so tired so very tired, getting well is hard work, and looking good is too, I just hope and pray in time things will go back to normal, the holidays are coming and I need to be on top of my game!
