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Upsetting Situation Setting Me Back

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Hi Davit and Sunny,

I am glad you can reduce you're antibotic and the blood work was good. I am sorry you are having trouble walking I am hoping as the days go by it gets better for you, that was sweet of Sunny to buy more lights, I like Christmas lights, I have a small pink tree on my vanity in my bedroom that I love, my husband got our big tree last night, I guess we will decorate it tonight and tommorow. I have not attempted my cookies yet, I have to do my christmas cards, I slept well, well as well as I can for me, I woke up very nervous through, bad dreams, don't you hate when you have upsetting dreams right before you wake up for the day? I would rather have them earlier then go back to sleep to "sleep them off"! I made a coffee mistake too today Davit I got up really bleary and tired and drank an extra cup, now my tummy is revolting, and its making me very nervous and anxious, kind of shaky, you would think I would learn, I guess one cup is all my system can handle right now.

I want too start getting out more, leaving the house, I do leave it but I stay close too home, which I know is part of the agorophobia! I do enjoy driving around the area looking at the decorated houses, guess I will start small, darned coffee is really making me very anxious, hopefully it will wear off, I guess I need to drink some water and eat and take my pill.

My Dad had a pinched nerve, it was the ONLY time he ever complained, my Dad was tough rough and strong, but the pinched nerve bothered him badly, he went to ER, which my sister and her husband had to drag him kicking and screaming because he hated to go, they gave him muscle relaxants that helped but made him sleepy, do you take anything for the pinched nerve? I wish it would get cold here again. I hope you feel better today, enjoy you're cookies and the lights.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

I only got five hours sleep last night, up too late and then had to be up early to send an Email. We went to town today but I had a coffee first. Big mistake. I like coffee but I really should not drink it some days. Today was one of those days. It is wearing off but I have a head ache now. I'm still going to make some cookies though. Molasses cookies this time. They are like fortune cookies. Then I have to put up the kitchen gate. Trying to salvage the rest of the day.

Got my blood test results today, I can reduce my antibiotic. That is good news even though my back is pinching a nerve making my legs sort of useless. I can walk but not well. At least I can still walk. Sunny bought more lights just to please me. Red sunset tonight. Life is still good even if it is a bit cold out. We still have snow in the trees. Some days you just have to settle for what you get. Looking at seed catalogues too. March isn't that far away.

Davit.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Hi Sunny and Davit,

I actually slept nine hours! Thank you God! I got up a few times to go to the bathroom and I had some bad dreams but at least I slept, from 5:00am-2:00pm not a great schedule but better than eight in the morning for a few hours, I felt so ill last night when I went too bed, sick too my stomach, my head hurt, my eyes, my body and even my KNEES hurt, I know, boy do I know you have heard me complain about a lot of things but my knees never have hurt, and I bumped my shin and I worried about a blood clot and West Nile is back in our area {I know Sunny will understand this!} so I guess my brain and body were so exhausted I just konked out. I drank a second cup of coffee today, to get going, bad mistake, now my tummy is fluttering and I am nervous, that caffiene gets me everytime, plus my hubby and son are going to a parade tonight and I will be alone, I could go but it looks like rain and I dont want to get caught in it, then they are going to pick out a tree, I told them to pick me up and I will go do that, but I do not want to stand in the rain and get sick, I hope they dont, weather is bad.

I am doing the CBT Davit, I guess this is going to be a battle "one day at a time" up and down and all around, I am so thankful the panic's have gone down, now I have to somehow rid my brain and body of fear worry and anxiety, and body symptoms, sleep helps SO much. Christmas is coming and I want to be there for my family, thats my Christmas prayer to recover and live again! Thank you for helping me. I will try that visualization Sunny, I am sorry you did not sleep well, I hope tonight you do, I hope we all do. Little nervous about being alone tonight, I am going to try to relax and get through it.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi D: I had a bit of a struggle last night to sleep. I make up a story - see it in my mind, a visualization just like a movie. Make it whatever you want it to be, see yourself in it or not, doesn't matter. What would the era be? how about the wardrobe, lighting, the sets. It is very creative and occupies your mind so you won't be fretting about not sleeping. Sounds silly, but it works for me. I've composed poetry too. I really should write it down because I remember only bits of it.

Hope this gives you some ideas. If you can't visualize, how about reading for awhile sipping some hot milk.

Sunny

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Debora.

One last time. You can not force this. You need to work with it not try to make it do what you want. It does not matter when you sleep as long as you sleep. It does not matter what anyone else wants if it does not fit with what you need. You will only prolong your recovery if you go against what you need. Make your choice. It seems all your attempts to make others happy are not only not making you happy but are not helping you. CBT works but only if you follow it and work it. Forget what anyone else wants including me and do the program. That seems to be the only advice I have left. Only you can do this for you.

Davit.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Thanks Sunny and Davit, I think you are right Sunny that was probably part of it, hoping the therapist could work on sleep issues, my husband wants me sleeping at night and up during the day, which is what I want too, its like my body clock is "reversed" like I work the midnight shift or something, up all night sleep during the day and I do NOT want that and the more I try to get it back to normal the worse it gets! My body is so tired I ache from fatigue and tiredness of not enough sleep and the quality of sleep is bad too, with all the noise during the day, lawnmowers, phones, dogs barking etc..... you can just imagine how much sleep I dont get and my husband should really not complain the rare nights I do fall asleep before five am he wakes me up getting ready for work, he does not mean too, its a small house and noises are heard easily, so its a catch-22 thing.

I think this started when I was SO afraid to be alone when the panics were so severe and bad I would sleep all day just so I would NOT panic, when I was sleeping at least I was not shaking or scared and being alone all day thats why I slept, now that I am a little better, I want to be up during the day, but my body is "programmed" now, this is gonna be a toughie for me because I have always been some what of night-owl, I just wish I could at least fall asleep by three or four am that would be better than dawn when its getting light! I am going to have to figure something out! I feel physcially terrible, I pray I sleep now.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi D: I was thinking your husband cared enough to ask your therapist why you had sleepless nights and what can be done, etc. Of course, i don't know, just like to give the benefit of the doubt. In any case at least he cares.

As for Vit. C. yes it is good, Vit C. in cranberry juice too, and green and red peppers, tomato juice. OJ usually is too acidic and I have to cut it with water. I used to have trouble with my tummy too when I was anxious and stressed.

Hope you don't have a cold...

Sunny

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Debora

YES!!! Good positive post, good attitude. Good showing of assertive. This will help you, believe me. Sorry about the cold but it is that time of year, at least it is here. More people out and about here.

Davit.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Hey Davit,

I am alright with what you wrote. Tell Sunny Thank you. Basically what you wrote is what I have been feeling. I thought he would be happy that I was not having full-blowns much anymore. I love my husband and I know he loves me and he has always been a little critical and a perfectionist, maybe I just did not notice how much till I got sick again, and now that I am getting better I am seeing it more, I dont't know? He is a early-riser and I am more of a night-owl its just the way it is, normally his behaviour would not bother me much but I am fragile right now, and I WILL sleep when I want, no one should tell a person when and how they should sleep, it does not work, he must see I am trying, I am just going to push him out of my mind right now and concentrate on getting better and Christmas, sometimes you just have to block out the negativity you live with.

I feel like I may be getting a cold?! I hope NOT, when I go down physcially I notice mentally I go down too. It may be just a runny nose, I have been congested, when I dont sleep well is when it happens, maybe its just allergies or the constant changes in the weather here, I dont mind a head cold but it always goes to the chest! I am going to try and think positive and just ignore it for now, probably the weather or allergies, I drank lots of OJ today, maybe a little too much, to ward it off, I dont normally drink that much juice, hope I dont get a tummyache! I hear Vit. C is good! Trying to stay positive! thank you.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Debora

Sunny says I am too harsh. Remember my comments are just my comments.

Therapy is a personal thing and no one else should be in it.

Even if they think they should be. Even if you think they should be.

Davit.

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