Maggie,
I know how terrified and scared you are right now and I can really relate to what you are going through. After I had my son and was put on meds for high blood pressure, one of the side effects of this med was bringing out mania in those with bipolar disorder. Well, needless to say, I shouldn't have read the side effects because I began to worry that I was bipolar and then the sleepless nights began. I had a newborn and couldn't sleep at all. I'd lay there with my body tired but my mind going a million miles a minute and I couldn't seem to shut it off. I was completely exhausted but hyper at the same time. I thought for sure I was going crazy, losing all control, and I feared that I was manic. I finally couldn't take the fear anymore and went to my doctor and totally broke down. I was given ativan to take 3 times a day for two weeks, after which I was to stop and take only as needed. I was afraid to take it but that night, struggling between intense fear and wanting to sleep, I took an ativan and it only calmed me slightly. The next morning I took another, then another in the afternoon, and by that evening I went to sleep on time. For me, the ativan was a savior because it allowed me to get my sleep schedule back on track and it allowed me to feel calm and get out of that constant state of arousal. I didn't even take it the full two weeks and stopped after only one week. I established a bedtime routine, began doing yoga in the evening, and I stopped all caffeine, including chocolate. We are all different but I can assure you that you are not going crazy, you are not bipolar or manic and even if you were that would be ok and you could get through it. I believe you are going throught the exact same thing I was going through, although mine was probably effected by postpartum hormones, and you will get out of this but the first step you need to take is recognizing that you are sane but are convincing yourself you are crazy. Try to rationalize your anxious thoughts and say I am not manic because I can't sleep, it is just insomnia caused by anxiety; I am not going crazy I just feel this way because of the intense anxiety, etc. Are you most worried about being bipolar and being manic right now? If so you can ask yourself some questions an