Isabella, Thank you! From the depths of my heart I thank you for all of your wonderful support and thorough advice. I thought maybe I would give you summary of why I am so obsessive that I may be bipolar (because I have asked myself those questions you listed): I saw my GP about a year ago and he mentioned something about me showing bipolar tendencies (I was having a panic attack at the time, and my partner said I misunderstood). Anyhow, naturally I saw my psychiatrist following that visit and asked him about the possibility of me being bipolar, he asked a few questions and decided I wasn't showing any symptoms whatsoever and told me not to worry about it. I had a nurse tell me the same thing. I cannot say for certain that I have ever yet been manic, but there was one month in particular that I have been worried about. Things weren't going too well in my relationship for quite some time and I felt extremely alone, and so I turned for comfort from someone else. I did not seek this relationship out, and at first I tried to push it away, but before I knew it the situation unfolded. My sleeping patterns were extremely volatile for about a week or so there, as I was completely consumed by this new person in my life and by the chance at a happier life. Soon afterwards, I found myself getting agitated with the entire situation between my partner and this other man I was speaking to online/ on the phone. Let me also add that I thought I was in love and suppose I felt a bit more sexual at times although not unfaithful, per say . I felt pretty high in my head (maybe from exhaustion), but for the most part just confused, sad and vulnerable. I had moments of impulsiveness where I was about to leave my relationship of 4 years and move to be with this other man. It never came to that, but sometimes I wonder if situation like this could be a sign of mania/mixed episode. I hurt my partner and myself emotionally during that time, and although he said I wasn't acting quite like myself- he stands firmly on the fact that I was, by no means, bipolar. To be completely honest, I don't even remember much of the details from that month and I think that scares me a little too. Apparently I was complaining of exhaustion the entire time that I was receiving inadequate

Maggie, I'm sorry to hear you've been having a rough time falling asleep. It certainly can't be easy to deal with. Please know you're not crazy, when we don't sleep our emotions go off the charts. It can also worsen your anxiety symptoms. Please consult your doctor about the ativan and other possible treatments to get you through this rough patch. Until you can get to a doctor, here are a few tips that I hope will help: €¢Try to get on a sleep schedule. Go to bed at a regular time each night and get up at a regular time in the morning. Try to not stay up late watching TV and try not to sleep during the day. If you get on a sleep schedule, we guarantee that you€™ll begin to feel better. €¢Try to make the room you sleep in as quiet as possible. Consider ear plugs or a sleep mask. €¢Use your bed only for sleeping. Don€™t lounge around in your bed. If you spend too much time lounging in bed, watching T.V., drinking coffee, or eating, your body will learn that your bed is NOT a place for sleeping. €¢If you can€™t sleep after half an hour in bed don€™t stay in bed trying to sleep. Get up and do some quiet activity. For example, read a book for a half hour and then try going back to bed. If you still can€™t sleep, get up and do something quiet once again. €¢Try to keep your bedroom at a comfortable temperature - not too cold and not too hot. €¢Try to get some exercise every day. You€™ll feel better and sleep will come much quicker. €¢Try not to exercise or work hard late in the evening. It could make you feel €˜wired€™. €¢Don€™t drink anything with caffeine or alcohol for 4 hours before you go to bed. €¢Try not to eat a heavy meal in the evening. Don€™t eat just before you go to bed. €¢If you€™re not sleeping at night, avoid naps during the day. €¢Use relaxation techniques. Box breathing may help you relax at bed time. Again, hope this helps. Hang in there! Danielle _______________________ The PC Support Team

Maggie, I know how terrified and scared you are right now and I can really relate to what you are going through. After I had my son and was put on meds for high blood pressure, one of the side effects of this med was bringing out mania in those with bipolar disorder. Well, needless to say, I shouldn't have read the side effects because I began to worry that I was bipolar and then the sleepless nights began. I had a newborn and couldn't sleep at all. I'd lay there with my body tired but my mind going a million miles a minute and I couldn't seem to shut it off. I was completely exhausted but hyper at the same time. I thought for sure I was going crazy, losing all control, and I feared that I was manic. I finally couldn't take the fear anymore and went to my doctor and totally broke down. I was given ativan to take 3 times a day for two weeks, after which I was to stop and take only as needed. I was afraid to take it but that night, struggling between intense fear and wanting to sleep, I took an ativan and it only calmed me slightly. The next morning I took another, then another in the afternoon, and by that evening I went to sleep on time. For me, the ativan was a savior because it allowed me to get my sleep schedule back on track and it allowed me to feel calm and get out of that constant state of arousal. I didn't even take it the full two weeks and stopped after only one week. I established a bedtime routine, began doing yoga in the evening, and I stopped all caffeine, including chocolate. We are all different but I can assure you that you are not going crazy, you are not bipolar or manic and even if you were that would be ok and you could get through it. I believe you are going throught the exact same thing I was going through, although mine was probably effected by postpartum hormones, and you will get out of this but the first step you need to take is recognizing that you are sane but are convincing yourself you are crazy. Try to rationalize your anxious thoughts and say I am not manic because I can't sleep, it is just insomnia caused by anxiety; I am not going crazy I just feel this way because of the intense anxiety, etc. Are you most worried about being bipolar and being manic right now? If so you can ask yourself some questions an

You are more then welcome Maggie. Your support and encouragements have helped me a lot too :) Take care and hope to get more news of you soon :) -Diva

[font=Georgia][color=Blue]Diva, thank you very much for your prompt response as usual. Just knowing that someone out there has faith in my recovery makes me feel a little less alone, and a little more hopeful. Thank you.[/font][/color]

Hiya maggie, it seems you have been having a bad day. I sure do know how that feels. All those things you worte about i can relate to. The fear of going out of your mind or the fear of anything really, moving getting off the couch, just anything. I know how that is. But i really and truely beleive that you can do it. Working through the program helps. Just talking or writting is good also. I think that as long as you keep wanting to get better there is hope for you. I really do beleive in you and your capacity to get better and heal yourself. As for the withdrawal, well with some types of meds withdrawal is possible. But on the subject of medication i only have two things to say. The first is talk to your doctor he is the best to explain and advise you on this. Get a second opinion on it if you need. But if you do feel the need for medication it is ok. If you needed insuline to correct your blood sugar levels would you make yourself feel bad about it? Probably not. Well why would you feel bad for taking something that helps with the balance of brain chemicals in your brain? Of course the meds aren't a magic pill. Working through the fear is part of it too. But if the pills enable you to work through the fear, go through the program and come out on top on the other side well then i beleive it is good. But that is just me and i am no expert. Just another panic-ridden individual. I know some nights like this are just really bad. All i can say is that you are in my thoughts. And that i beleive in you that you can make it through and be well and calm. Just keep doing deep-breathing exercises and taking it one moment at a time. I also find distraction helps. Any kind of distraction. T.V., movies, reading good books, researching something interesting, coloring, drawing. I find if you keep your mind busy it helps. And time goes faster. Anyway, i wish there was anything else i could say to help you feel better and help you through this. I wish you the best and hang in there. When you reach the end of your rope make a huge knot in it and hold on to that. And remember : This too shall pass! Keep hope -Diva

[font=Courier New]Text[/font][size=4]Text[/size][color=Purple]Text[/color]Well, first to answer maggamoo, I haven't had anxiety for quite 20 years and up but i have have it for over 15. I had a setback too lately but i work at it and i keep hope it will get better. I do beleive it is possible to get better and stay better. If you go into to success stories i wrote about my aunt. She is doing really well now and has been for a long time. There is hope yet. I hope this helps you. Just hang in there. Setbacks are rough but you can get out of it :) This too shall pass^^ Take care!

Danielle and Isabella, thank you very much for your earlier responses. You have both been of great assistance. :)

[font=Georgia][size=3]Well what can I say? It seems like I am always seeking advice but I really do need some support again as the last few days have been absolutely horrifying and dreadful. I have been having immense difficulties with sleeping, the past 2 or 3 nights I have tossing and turning in bed for 5 hours at a time; trying to fall asleep. During these hours I am experiencing extreme anxiety, hyper arousal, and panic and even sleep paralysis of some sort. It has been completely debilitating and draining. When I do finally fall asleep, I constantly have broken sleep and usually only end up getting about 5 hours of sleep altogether (at most). To top things off my schedule is completely ridiculous at the moment, I am waking up around 7pm and up all night. I am sure this type of nocturnal behavior isnt helping me any. Tonight, my boyfriend went to bed pretty much when I woke up, and this threw me into such panic I thought I needed to go to the hospital and into a mental institution. I dont want to awaken my boyfriend as I care about him and want him to get adequate sleep and feel well in the morning. This anxiety/panic is so crippling that I am even afraid to go and get myself food in fear of losing my mind in the process. I dont know it seems I am getting more and more aware and petrified of my surroundings. I know in theory everything is as it should be, but between my fears of me going crazy (being manic, etc) and being up alone- I am in sheer terror. For most of my panic disorder I have gone without medication; perhaps taken ativan once in a blue moon. According to a calendar I keep, I have been taking this sedative more and more frequently lately, practically on a day to day basis. On day I took a dose, and later that night I needed another. It seems my anxiety has been more than off the charts. My boyfriend thinks I may be going through a harder time because I am experiencing withdrawal symptoms some days, did anyone ever find this hard? I also find that I feel more down when on ativan or when it wears off sometimes; did anyone here ever experience this too? I am at a complete and utter loss, I just feel like this cant just be anxiety and panic. Ive never been so scared in my entire life and I just want to do whatever it takes to ge

Maggie & Isabella, The next time you are having this type of day and you start to feel as though something is off, try shifting those negative thoughts into positive ones. There is nothing wrong, your day has actually started off free of anxiety. Enjoy and pat yourself on the back for this progress! Danielle ______________________ The PC Support Team