Hi Kaitie,

I love you Hugs and Sunny and I appreciate you both so much!  Hugs, your P.S. made me cry happy tears and thanks for the cake icon.  Re:  foil...as long as I don't say "foiled again", I'll be okay :)  Sunny, thanks for your supportive words.  When I first started this thread, I was so embarrassed.  I'm frustrated with my situation and I'm sure my friends and family are frustrated with me and my fear, indecision, and playing a broken record of my woes.  The problem never gets solved, that's why every so often it rears it's ugly head again.  And, it won't change until I change, either my situation or my perspective.  I have a lot of issues with self esteem and fear of not being able to take care of myself and was raised by Italians who raise their children to be overly dependent on people.  Side note:  George went to Japan Express for me and brought home a lunch of chicken terriyaki, edamame, a maki roll and fried dumplings with soy sauce.  After lunch, George and I went to the book store together. We agreed not to argue and to be peaceful with each other.  We know where we stand.  I bought two self help books.  Sometimes I wish I never took the college Psychology class, because I learned how to analyze things and I was much happier when I was ignorant.  And, I wish I could be free of self help books, and just think I'm okay as I am.  I don't know anyone else who puts so much effort into trying to constantly improve themselves, with the exception of this support group who works hard at overcoming panic and anxiety, agoraphobia, and other fears.  Back to the books, I remembered what Hugs said on the Quote for the Day thread about being stuck, so I bought a book, called, "Getting Unstuck", by Karen Casey.  Then in the co-dependency/addiction section, I bought a book called, "Language of Letting Go", by Melody Beattie.  I thought it may help me with not being so attached to my daughter, although George and my parents think it's natural for me to feel that way.  I also have big trust issues, I think that's why it's hard for me to trust God sometimes, because I only have people to compare Him too which is wrong, I know.  Bottom line is I don't trust myself and my abilities, whether it be decision making, or being able to take care of myself.  I've never been financially independent and it scares me.  I didn't realize I had all of this to get off my chest, but thanks for listening.  I'm glad I have you all as friends or I would be unable to make it through the rough patches in life.  

Hi Shari:  Oh darn, just when things were going well.  I'm glad you are waiting until March.  One thing I've learned is to not make a life changing decision when all worked up.  I think Ashley is correct in saying to trust your intuition.  When I'm all worked up though, I don't trust it and don't know what to do exactly but like you have some sort of plan.  I still get confused.  I just know making a life changing decision is difficult when there is fear of change.  A giant step forward is scary when you aren't sure what's next.  Changing it to a positive is thinking of it as an exciting time to learn and rely on self.  We know we are strong and we can do it.  

Ashley, Health Educator

Thanks for saying back and forth is common.  My Dad and I do that all the time and everyone thinks we're nuts.  Thanks for the sound advice about not making a fear based decision.  I'm amazed that I sound positive, because I feel so off right now, like I've been in a fight, well actually I have.  Actually, I am finding one humorous thing about the situation.  When we were at Panera Bread, and he said we'll never sell the house or get much money for the land, I actually stood up and left and walked home.  I've never done that in my entire life, just left the conversation.  I was so mad, I left the situation to go cool off, before talking to him later.  I called my Mom on my Trac phone on the way home and told her what I did and she said, "How far is Panera from your home?"  I told her it was only a short distance.  I guess I'm thankful we weren't at Panera in the next town, I'd still be walking - ha ha.  Well, my humor's back, so that's a good sign.  I'm just going to remain calm and watch some movies or knit. Take a break.  Thanks Ashley, for being there, when I needed you!!!

Ashley, Health Educator