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Stuck and I can´t get out.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

As someone who was suicidal and still has the thoughts I realize they are just thoughts now like other unwanted thoughts. Life is good still but used to be better. This is probably where the thoughts come from along with the fact everything is so difficult now. But they are just thoughts now. All be it unwanted ones.

Davit.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12049

Katie,

You are truly insightful and inspiring! Take a look at some of the posts and note some great advice from your fellow members. They do know how you are feeling and are here to support you. Work with the program step by step, if you have to go over a session again, then do so!

If it doesn't make sense, just ask!

You have a great goal in mind, so keep pushing to reach your dream! I wouldn't worry about the fainting... many educators, nurses and doctors have had rough beginnings...you know fainting at the sight of blood, broken bones and even swelling!

Your right on target so keep posting!

Josie, Health Educator

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 177

Hi Hugs and Shari,

Thank you for your kind words. I haven't finished the program yet, I kind of got stuck on section 4. I'm not suicidal anymore but the one thing that got me through was a little voice, my own voice, that always shouted above the suicidal thoughts. It told me not to move, just stay still, one night when I thought about it when my parents were asleep. I was so amazed at how powerful it was.

I did feel like I was having a breakthrough when I started planning for university again. But those thoughts came back again yesterday when my Dad came home with a broken leg. He was working on a friend's house when he fell off the ladder and since no one was there and he didn't have a phone, he drove home himself. When Mum told me, I was worried if I looked at his leg, I would be sick. I freaked out so much I actually fainted, which I tend to do when someone is injured. I felt so hopeless and pathetic because I couldn't put my own worries aside to bandage Dad's leg using my first aid training. My dream is to become a doctor or do medical research, and my passion for this was always what kept me going. I could see myself wearing that white coat and helping people get better.

Hugs, there are some very nice avatars. I love painting and art, especially lanscapes and the pictures are beautiful. My little bird never fails to make me laugh with his antics. One day all he wanted to do was play, but I wanted to get my lunch and no matter what I tried, he wouldn't get in his cage. So I said to him, "Oi ****head, get in your cage." and he piped up and said, "Hello ****head" I suppose I deserved that one! Haha

Thank you, it makes me so happy to think you find me inspiring. I see you guys as the inspiring ones!

Kaitie.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Hi Kaitie,

The optimism in your desire to want to feel again is healthy. A vitality comes out in your avatar too, and it nourishes me just like others, who might not comment.

Feeling stuck changes when we venture out, I've found, but it takes effort to do take that risk to connect. You did it though in another thread with Shari, and continue to do it, and that's inspring to me

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1071

Hi Kaitie,

When I first got panic attacks, they were really really bad. After a year of having them, I felt like you did. And, then I found this site. Have you completed the program here yet? I did CBT through a book, but the panic came back, after a year, and I found the difference was having this support group, along with the CBT training. There's been a couple of times I felt suicidal. But, sometimes the answer you're looking for, comes sooner than you think. What if you keep going and then you find out that you are able to manage it, or it gets better. I've learned that just as much as something bad can happen, something good can happen also. There are a lot of good surprises in life, I would have missed out on, if I had given into those thoughts. All I can say is your break through could be around the corner and you wouldn't want to miss it. Also, you give me a lot of joy and I know there are many people on this site that feel the same way and of course your family. And, your beautiful little bird depends on you. Don't make a permanent decision on a temporary problem. And, think of others that it will effect, not just yourself. Please keep going and don't give up. I know it seems hard, but it will get better. Don't believe the lies the negative thoughts are telling you; they are not true. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and you are an important person and we all need you. You have to be more persistent than the negative thoughts, you can do it, I have faith enough for both of us. Keep posting. If you can Google, "Footprints in the Sand", it says it all.

Shari

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 177

Hello,

Two years ago, I had bad agoraphobia but after about 6 months I was able to move on and get back into life. Last year, I started to notice the anxiety was coming back. I felt that if I stopped worrying, something bad would happen or I would something, like it would creep through the cracks and everything would fall apart. The anxiety was the only thing holding me together. But it all got too much, and my agoraphobia got worse again.

At first, I felt like a failure because I couldn't control the anxiety. I had failed at getting better because I couldn't stop that downhill spiral. A few months ago, I sunk into the deepest depression I have ever experienced and for the first time, I seriously considered suicide. I thought about dying more than I would ever admit. Even through all my past setbacks, I have always seen a way out and I knew it would get better. This time has been different though. I keep thinking that it doesn't matter if I do get better, the anxiety will come back. As it always does. Even now, after months of feeling like this, I still don't see a future for myself without this anxiety.

Sometimes, I do start to believe I can get there, that my life isn't over. But it seems whenever I start to make a plan, something happens and I'm right back there again. I feel as though the passion and drive that keeps me going is gone. I don't feel any enjoyment in anything and my motivation is non existant. This is what I find most distressing, I want to feel something again. But I just don't see a way out.

Kaitie.

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Stuck and I can´t get out.