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Dejavu?

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4

It feels great a lot of the time. Knowing I am in control. Though I guess there is a sort of fear still of taking control and then fearing loosing it all at once. Like if I am making an effort then it won't mean anything in the end. Making the effort to control my irrational thoughts seems almost more scary than having them sometimes. Like by coming to terms with having to be a real person or the idea of coming to the reality of my current situations. I don't know. Sometimes my thoughts are also pretty abstract and hard to define even what I am thinking. So that has been a challenge recently I suppose. But in comparison to some other stuff, this isn't so hard.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11214

That's great to hear Jos7h!

Knowing your main triggers and being aware of your thoughts is a HUGE first step. Congrats! You are well on your way and just think, you've just started the program. When you continue with all the homework it will get easier and easier to control these thoughts. How does it feel to know you are starting to take control of this?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4

What I have learned so far I suppose are my main triggers, repeated behavior, projecting a lack of success in my future, and assuming things are true when I do not know absolutely beyond a shadow of a doubt whether they are or aren't. Tracking my thoughts, and finding ways to combat them effectively is amazing. I haven't had a full blown panic attack in a week. Which is major for me lately, I still have horrible thoughts of abandonment, "going crazy", and the insane idea that I am about to start life over again from complete scratch. But simply by tracking my thoughts, seeing them put down in writing, has been immensely helpful.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11214

Hello again,

Remember you have a choice in regards to what parts of you you let go and which you hold on to. Only you can decide the person you are going to be moving forward. In addition, you will never start from scratch completely as you will always have your experience and gained knowledge to help you along. Everything you have learned in your past is still with you and will help you moving forward.

It sounds like you have a very good understanding of how you feel as a whole. To make your fears easier to challenge it is helpful to be more specific and less abstract. Pin point exact thoughts that seem to scare you and then you can go about challenging them. The session on challenging negativity will give you concrete tools on challenging these thoughts. The 10 questions is especially helpful.

But before jumping forward the best thing you can do is start with Session 1 and go from there. Managing anxiety takes work the program will walk you through it.

When would you like to get started on the program. If you have already started what have you learned so far?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4

Sometimes its the part of me keeping me sane. Other times it feels like the part of my youth. My childlike innocence. And I feel if I were to loose that part of me I lose all of me. I feel at times I have never grown up an others as if I am far from my youth. I don't know if its a transitional period but I feel torn from my past and my future and it is severely affecting my present. The terrifying part of starting over from scratch only, as I feel I have done many many times, is that I will have lost any progress I may have made. That my life is too good to continue on like this. Like I deserve some sort of punishment for I crime I never committed, or even remember committing. Sometimes I worry these moments of Dejavu are me remembering that moment of crime against myself or others I committed, and that by remembering it, it means the end of the life I am living. Whether it means death or just the end of the chapter in my book of life. I don't know, but these moments scare me. I push and I push, but they never seem to get better. Mostly only marginally but even when I take a step forward I feel that I taking also two steps back. Or in a different direction. I just don't know anymore.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11214

Hi Jos7h,

Welcome to the forum. It sounds like you are in a very good place in your life and finally have a chanc to take control of this anxiety. This is a good thing! Anxiety is one of the most managable disorders out there and if you are at a place now where you can focus some attention on taking control of it then you will likely be able to. This program is based on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy principles and is proven to have an effect even after only a few sessions. Do the program and homework and you will see results. It will take time but it will be well worth it. In addition to this post in the forums often - you are not alone in how you feel.

You mention you find the thought or starting over is scary to you. What specifically is scary about it for you? I have a hunch that there are a few negative core beliefs that need to be addressed - doing the program will help with this.

You also mention it feels like a part of you is dying. What part?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4

A lot of my panic attacks are triggered by Dejavu. Due to two instances on Marijuana where I have dreamed things and then made them come to pass or thought I did. Sometimes I have a hard time gripping reality because of these dreams as a child were like unto premonitions during my drug use and experience. During that time in my life though I was in a bad place, unemployed, living a lie with someone who I told I loved when in all actuality I didn't. I was a leech in the worst sense. But now I feel much better than perhaps 2 years ago or even 1 year ago. 1 year ago I was sleeping on a couch and right before homeless. I have a stable job and a wonderful boyfriend. My life is coming together, and yet I feel like a part of me is dying inside and it scares me because in my head it symbolizes a starting over. Which is somehow terrifying to me, and having these moments of Dejavu are both unpleasant and unexpected, what can I do?

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Dejavu?