Reading over what you have written, it sounds like you rationally know that your relationship is ok. In fact it sounds to me like you really love your partner and would be very upset if it ended. However, this compulsive and obsessive thinking is getting in the way.  The good news is, I really don't think there is anything wrong with your relationship; it actually sounds quite healthy to me. But you are right no one will be able to guarantee that your relationship is a success or not. Relationships take work and commitment and again it sounds like your relationship is doing fine. However, this type of thinking could be very damaging to the relationship. So first of all when you start thinking like this recognize that it is not you (the authentic you) it is your anxious thoughts. Then do your best to cognitively challenge these thoughts. Use the 10 questions in the Challenging Negativity Session (Session 3). Completing the entire program may be helpful to you but again please get a proper diagnosis to ensure you are receiving appropriate treatment.

 

 

hi.

i am wondering if my experiences are normal within the world of anxious people! i have a lot of obsessive thoughts and have done all my life (e.g. not being able to be around pencils in case i used them to kill myself, or obsessing about past minor situations and feelign horrendous about them). i haven't been too bad for the past few years and have been stabilised on medication. varioius other things have happened in the last year, including a disaster with altering my dose a few weeks back, but i now find myself obsessing about whether or not my relationship is doomed. do i love him? will we have to split up? does everyone else think i'm stupid because i stay with him? do i find him attractive? (and then i find myself looking at him in a very clinical way and wondering if, for example, his nose is attractive, and if its not the anxious spiral deepens) - the list goes on and on. there isn't actually anything wrong with my relationship. it has its up and downs as any do and there are things that we're working on (our sex life mainly) but generally i think we're quite happy. but as soon as i tell myself that and try to challenge my thoughts i get worried that i'm lying to myself. what if i just don't want to admit to myself that we need to split up? what if it is doomed and everyone can see that but me? if there isn't a problem, why am i thinking about it so much? i have recently read the book 'Imp of the mind' and it might as well my autobiography, but because this specific example isn't in the book i am struggling with whether or not this is a manifestation of my obsessive worrying. i feel like i need someone to tell me for definite if we'll be together forever or not. I know this isn't realistic as we can't predict the future but i am struggling with the uncertainty of it all. i just want to be happy with what i have but i feel like my mind won't let me. i just read the relationships module and got massively anxious about the stages of relationships because what if i have decided the relatinoship is over and i just don't want to admit it to myself?! i feel panicked and sick when i think of us splitting up, and the feeling is the same as when i would panic about the other things i obsessed about which makes me think it might be the same, but i would find it very reassuring if anyone else could relate to this type of thinking? fingers crossed somebody does...