Here is my attempt at writing about the Scared..as I am feeling it...
I was awakened by fearful dreams again at 330am and 430am. I have given up on sleep and am now up dealing with it and still feeling the fear..It is in my chest and feels constructing..I feel the doom and gloom of it. I am in a doctors office this time. The time before I was walking the halls of the clinic and the time before that I was laying on a hospital gurney waiting for a procedure..I am afraid, I want to get up and run..I wake up in a fright and have gotten away from the scene..The fear and images the color of the wall musty green and the carpet also dark and earthy linger on..The halls are long and lonely. Once awake it is a long time before I can get totally walk away..I am short of breath and have tightness in my chest, plus this doom and gloom that lingers for a few hours and the images continue in my mind..My mind keep saying don't do this test..don't do it..Runnnnnnnn..
This was a hard exercise, feeling and writing all this down...The coffee must be done now..I am going to get a cup and take a deep breath now...I am tired and sad..Talk to you later....
It is ok to be scared. I think most people would be scared in your situation. Sometimes life requires us to be scared unfortunately. How do you want to handle the scared? I am sure you know that running away will be counter productive and you know what I don't see you doing that, maybe the old Red but not the new and improved Red! So how does authentic, brave, wise Red want to handle the scared?
Let's look at the scared a bit. Not so much the what you are exactly scared of but the feeling of scared. Try to really feel the scared. Where in your body do you fill it, what does it look like (colours, images, etc.)? Anything that comes up while you are focusing on the scared write here. I know really diving into the scared is.....well scarey but we are right here with you.
Red: I hope that your morning improves. I have had similar mornings, for sure. Lately, what has been working best has been an exercise in focusing on "this moment" and breathing slowly and deeply and taking in everything that you can see, hear, and everything you are feeling (without judging or making assumptions - that is the tricky part). When thoughts other than what is happening right now enter my mind, I make an effort to "drop" them and to continue focusing on the present. Just a suggestion for something to try.
I am looking for a way to face my fears this morning..I woke up from nightmares this morning about some medical tests I have coming up. I seem strong on the outside but on the inside I am really scared. My natural instinct says run..Lock the doors and shut off your phone..that way you can ignore it all..If you ignore it, it will go away..You can hide in your safe cocoon and all will be fine..This is my irrational thinking taking over. This is what I do when I am scared..Run...
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