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12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1853

Hi loves trees,

I'm sorry to hear you've had these terrible experiences with therapists. It's totally understandable having trust issues when the person you are seeking help from, a professional at that, violates that trust.

Thank you for sharing more about yourself and your story. This is a very safe and respectful forum - as you have witnessed with ongoing support from fellow members. You can remain anonymous. Everything in your own time. I hope that you begin to fill the broken pieces and answer some of the questions you have as you go through this program and continue discussions with other members.

Thinking of you,

Vincenza, Health Educator

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Hugs, Sunny, Muse,

thanks.

I have not found that special someone in regards to a therapist. I realize like a lot of things it is also luck in just finding someone with the skills I need.

Well today I feel better than I have all week. I do think that the way mental health is dealt with now is primitive and history will show that. For those of us living now, we have to work wit hwhat we have.

I think being cerebral can be a blessing and a curse. I am not feeling like I can seek out a new therapist right now and I have had many doctors over the years and the system is broken here and the honest ones will admit that. You get what you can out of a broken system beacause one person cannot fix the system. I try not to dwell on that because it is human to be frustrated by injustice and it can feel unjust to go to a doctor and not get help. Can the good doctors even practice good medicine anymore? I don't even know. Therapists are different. They are working one on one and if they do not have integrity they cannot blame the system, lack of integrity is their problem but it hurts others. Sadly people with a lack of integrity can make it very far in this economy...

Some people are just not good people. Apples.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Hi Davit,

Why are you so kind and attentive? There have been several times in the last year I wish I could just have sent you the money I gave to people who di dnot help me.

I am going to be brave here and share more details. I feel a real strong need to stay anonymous here because I think that there are things in my life I would lose that I value if I were less anonymous. I also dream about a day when I can be honest and openn about what happened to me and risk losing the things I don't want to lose right now and cannot afford to lose emotionally or financially.

Even though the root of my problem is not my fault, and happened to me as a child (and therefore cnanot be my fault) I cannot be open about it yet. I plan in about 10 years or so I am going to speak my honesty to people in my life, and it is going to feel so good. Right now I feel I would be judged negatively for revealing how much pain I am in. That speaks to the lack of compassion in the people I live around, work with, I know that, and am just working around their limitations. I cannot make someone compassionate.

For now, thank goodness for this forum.

Ok so the thing is that I saw several people last year and the one I connected with is the one who smiled at me and worked to make me feel safe right off the start. The other therapists I saw were very indifferent, even cold in two cases, and I felt uncomfortable around them. But this one that smiled a lot, I fell for that one right away and this person ended up re traumatizing me so badly I have been told to report it. I have not, it is my choice, but it was bad. So now I have new trust issues with going to therapy. I was wide open in therapy sessions over the last 2 years. Telling strangers my problems. Now I feel sick when I think about the trust I had, the belief that "a therapist isn't going to hurt me". Its like another naivite lost. One of many. It is sad.

So I am still reeling from that. This person didn't apologize and has gotten away with it, with traumatizing me in a space I felt safe. This should not have happened although I struggle not to blame myself. I should have protected myself. I should have seen it coming. But at the same time, my wise mind knows that if I become that paranoid and closed and suspicious of everyone who smiles and is kind to me, I will be someone I don't want to be. Being open isn't bad, its just not safe in this world right now.

CBT is good for the thoughts related to self esteem. But CBT isn't going to undo the past. Nothing will. At this point, I know so much more than I did a year ago. I just havn't found the support I need. No one in my life truly understands where I am at and what I need.

I just love trees because when I was young, being outside felt better than being inside. Trees are strong and I like thinking about that strength. Trees will also survive the pollution humans are causing. Trees are just there, and grow without hurting anyone. I guess they symbolize a lot. That is reassuring to me. A butternut tree sounds so exotic! Where I am I do not think that would survive although I do not know. Maybe.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Hi loves trees

Relationships are so hard because it is so easy to get hurt. It is easy to think something was said that wasn't also. Dealing with a therapist is a relationship with no intimacy. In fact I became very close to my therapist. Too close in fact. This isn't a bad thing as long as a person knows it.

She knows more about me than anyone. But still not everything. But even asking me things I won't talk about brought them to my attention where I could decide if they needed to be addressed. A good therapist can do this. Your therapist should leave you feeling "ten feet tall and bullet proof" even if it does wear off. See it becomes cumulative and over time things get better.

Here Therapists are two types. Those that charge and those paid by the medical system. The latter have to be certified and good or they can lose their job. Unfortunately those that charge don't have to have even what I have, although some are very good and have the paper to prove it. So this being the case, if you are paying you certainly want to get your moneys worth.

Since you have researched your case a lot you are probably aware that there are things that CBT won't work for. Because the problem is based on a fact rather than a thought.

If this is the case then in my opinion, and it is only my opinion you need a therapist that deals in the alternative. Also the forums will be of more value than CBT.

CBT will deal with all your issues if they are thought based. If not then you need a different therapy. You will notice I have been here a long time. It does take time. I have some personality problems but not strong enough to need alternative therapy. Not quite BPD. My brother on the other hand does have and doesn't know it.

I strongly believe that if a person knows what is wrong and wants to change they can. But Again it can take a long time.

Now for your issues. You can use us to treat them. You know what I look like because I put up my picture. But you realize you are anonimus. Therefore you can say anything you want to. I can too even though people know more about me. That is just because I am far more confident. You could start by just saying what ever you want too. To us you are "loves trees", some one we want to help and be friends with. No pictures, no preconceived impressions, just "loves trees".

Davit.

Ps. Do you have a favourite tree. We are going to try to grow Butternut (white walnut) here.

It isn't native but with the climate change it might grow. We are pretty limited with what is native to this area.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Hi LT,

CBT is great, but the intimacy issues you describe might best be dealt with someone who deals with the relationship with the actual person you are seeing, so you can explore the relationship in an "emotional lab", which is safe. I have to admit that I didn't like confrontational people, and wanted gentleness.

My experience is that the time lag between the homework with my frustrations(which I couldn't bear) would discourage me and I'd just blame the guy/gal trying to help. Some practise more than CBT, but it sounds like you're not finding anyone.

I had to get over my perfectionism to work with someone who wasn't perfect(who is?) and realize that "I"(not the guy/gal you're paying) am the one in treatment. A number of times my dissatisfaction was threatened with ending the treatment, since there's no lock on the doors of the ones I saw.

I'd be embarassed to admit that only now do I prize these people and realize something which I never realized before. That is that "they" can be choosy now. With physicians, there is an increasing shortage, and they're doing the choosing.

What I'll do if I can't continue, is narrow an area of behaviour, since CBT can do that, if there are limited resources, and work with that behaviour.

I think we're both "cerebral" people, and that has it's drawbacks. I feel like the scarecrow in the "Wizard of Oz" wishing he had a heart(and sometimes I wonder if I have the brain and courage!)

Never give up.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 59

Hi Sunny ,

I was worrying about you as I hadn't seen a post from yourself or Davit for a few day's.

I'm happy to see you post again

Take care

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 59

Hi Lovestrees,

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles with your therapist, I have had many therapists in my 20 years of therapy 2 of them I just could not relate to, I didn't feel at ease with them and as such could not share my life & experiences with them, it sounds to me like you are experiencing the same with your new therapist, if you can't truly open up then that defeats the object of you being, there.

Maybe you could find another therapist, I know they are hard to find & finding one who you can trust implicitly is extremely difficult. As you say you find yourself back here again, that could be because you know you have friends here who wont judge you, will listen, support & advise you whenever we can.

As for your Doctor being dismissive & telling you to go find a psychiatrist, shame on her that is very unprofessional of her maybe you need to change your doctor too.

Take care we are all here for you, please let us know how you get on.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi lovestress: sorry to hear your therapist isn't helpful for you. You wrote you do not "open" up to her. Is this because you are uncomfortable with her or do not trust her? I don't know how she can be of help if she does not know your true feelings or fears. It isn't easy to discuss private details of our life. I know when i went for some therapy it was difficult to open up. Don't know if this is what is happening or not, we have to let them know what is bothering us because that is where the anxiety comes from. Maybe she is waiting for you to open up without any pressure from her. You mention talking about yourself for an hour or so seems to help you. My suggestion would be to take advantage of this time with your therapist to talk about the "real" you. I hope you don't give up and continue to be hopeful...there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Cheering for you,

Sunny

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

I joined in 2010.

Since then I have learned that I suffer from attachment issues, intimacy issues, anger, anxiety and low self esteem.

Not much has changed since I joined. I just can't find the support I need. I spent over a year trying to find a therapist and just have one I can only see about once a month which is not enough. And she doesn't help with anxiety or self esteem. She doesn't give me homework to do between sessions and I do not show her my true feelings or fears so I do not think I get much out of seeing her except to talk about myself for an hour to anyone helps a little bit.

I have read a lot of books and websites but I still end up needing other people to be there for me and they are not so I can't get out of that cycle of needing them and feeling bad. I do not understand why I cannot find anyone who can help me. My doctor said she does not think I need a psychiatrist. She is dismissive and thinks medication can solve everything. She told me to "go find a psychologist" but none that I talked to helped. Do I have bad luck or are most therapists just in it for the easy money because they can sit there and make 100+ an hour whether they help you or not they get paid.

It is awful to have a health condition no one can seem to help with. I am hoping Davit, Ashley or others who have known me here for a while can shed some light or something?

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