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Feelings Creeping Back

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 5

Debora,

I just read your posts on this thread, and I want you to know I can relate about allowing feelings to creep back in. You are not alone, remember that. One of the posts on this thread that really grabbed me was from 11/20 at 5:43pm where you said you had a queasy feeling, and you were questioning why. This is exactly what I do. Why am I feeling this way? Then I start scanning my brain for reasons why, and I come up with all of these weird, negative, out of the blue thoughts.

Davit is right about negativity. And thoughts, I have to tell you about a movie called Inception with Leonardo DiCaprio. My husband and I just watched it over this past weekend. And one line in the very beginning of the movie is where Leonardo says

" What is the most resilient parasite? Bacteria? A virus? An intestinal worm? An idea. Resilient... Highly contagious."

Think about this. When you start to have anxious negative thoughts. Think to yourself when you begin to feel the sweat, the clammy hands, the heat wave from your stomach up through your chest, think, just how quickly one little tiny idea turned into something so big you feel you can't control it. And then close your eyes and breathe in and out slowly for 5 counts in, 5 counts out, for as long as it takes for you to realize you just conquered that thought and stopped it from conquering you.

I tend to take the worst possible things in life, and start asking myself, 'What if this happens, what if that happens?" Cancer, death, accidents, to myself, my family members and friends. I start to think about all of the What ifs. And the ones that bother you the most are the ones that will stick in your head. You need to work to unstick those thoughts. Everyone on this site is right and has shared in your feelings one way or the other, that's why we're all here. This is work. But guess what? YOU ARE ABLE TO DO THE WORK. You control your life. You control your thoughts. You control your physical self. You are the boss. You call the shots. YOU will not let this conquer you. These are things I tell myself several times a day. I look in the mirror and sternly shake myself out of the anxiety that takes me over. Sometimes it works, sometimes it takes a bit more, but more times than not, it works. You can do this Debora. We all have faith in you.

As Davit said, we're all here for you.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Thank you Davit and Carmie I am going too post another thread about my therapy, I need some advice badly concerning it.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

It would appear that progress breeds progress also.

Davit.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 373

Hi Debora -

I can't always post responses (I often read the forums using a mobile device that doensn't appear to be compatible with this site) but I wanted to know that I kept up with your progress over a tough weekend. So wonderful to know that your husband is noticing positive changes and giving you great feedback on the results of your efforts.

Good advice that I don't always follow but works wonders for me is to focus on the present and on the moment that I am experiencing. The breathing exercises help to remind me - I focus on the actual breath that I am taking - not on what I have to do today or next week or next month - and this is a gift to me. I am always grateful for your posts and I wish you continued progress and success!

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Hi Davit.

You are helping and I thank you. The info on the meds was interesting, maybe a change will help. Its great when people tell me I am getting better, how I love to hear that! My husband told me yesterday "you have made great progress" and that was such music too my ears, like winning the lottery, I know he has been through it too with me, seeing me suffer and his own health problems, that is what keeps me going I think my love for him and my son, I want to get better for them and for me!

I have read so may wonderful things about CBT, they say its better than meds and longer acting, hopefully CBT with prayer and less negativity it has too happen. I liked what you said about "pulling the weed out" that made sense. I will check into the propranolol it sounds like it could help me. Like you said I am not hooked on Klonopin on my low dose, instead of ativan I will ask for propranolol it sounds safer. The Christmas wish you mentioned is just what I want! No worry and positive thinking! Thank you Davit

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Hello Debora.

I said I would help and I will. You let a couple of negatives slip in, "have to and need to" instead of want to. You mention feeling fine but feeling like you have to talk in front of a crowd. The medication for this oddly enough is a mild Beta blocker (blood pressure med) called Propranolol. Surgeons use it to prevent hand shakes and singers for stage fright. It is also used for anxiety by those that find it works. It might be worth talking to a doctor about. It doesn't lower my blood pressure enough so I use it's stronger cousin Atenolol which doesn't work as well for anxiety.

When I talk about getting cured I mean you learn to live with anxiety to the point that it is not noticeable. You can never totally get away from it since anxiety and panic are natural reactions. Normal people do the things you will have to do subconsciously without even thinking. We on the other hand can get to that point but for most at some time we will still have to make a conscious effort. No big deal since you will know how. Benzo's are not that hard to get off with the exception of Ativan. It is like this. You are taking half or less than you are allowed so you certainly are not hooked.

Worry is still worry no matter what it is about, CBT will take care of it.

Vincenza is right, you are getting better. Treat that morning feeling when you have had a bad night with disdain. Like it is not worth your time to consider, don't give it focus other than to say " well it happened again, one day it won't so it isn't worth the trouble to consider " Take the power and control from it. Treat it like a weed in a flower bed, yank it out and throw it away often enough and it won't come back. Trust me on this one.

No it is not that you already suffer that makes it worse it is that you know what it is, they don't so they don't focus on it as much. This is just something you will need CBT to reduce. And you can.

What I want for Christmas from you is for you to worry less and be more positive. Do that and we may get our wish by Christmas. That too is CBT.

Davit.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Thank you Vincenzia, It was very nice and comforting to hear that I am turning a corner its been kind of a long time coming.

I do re-read the posts often, Sunny and all the other members have really opened thier hearts too me and given me such good advice and tips and the moderators are always there too, its so nice to know I am not fighting this alone and others care.

You had asked me when my anxious times come, Vincenzia, I am trying to figure out a pattern to them, some days are better than others, actually when I am sleeping is my best time because my body is at peace but I do have strange bad dreams sometimes which I do not like because then I wake up with that dreaded morning feeling I detest so much, I try to keep my body and mind occupied so the scary thoughts do not come, sometimes that helps, and the breathing will relax me a bit.

The last few days however I noticed a increase in my anxiety, I have not changed anything, my meds or nothing terrible is coming up, I am hoping its just PMS, I have read even women who do NOT suffer from panic and depression get feelings of anxiety and weepiness and sadness, so I guess if you already suffer from it, it will probably worsen, hoping thats what it is.

If I could just stop worrying about the future I think I would be better and figure out how to give my brain more positive than negative, it seems to hit my stomach the hardest which makes it hard to eat and get minerals and vitamins which I know are so important to recovery. The holidays are coming up and my "christmas prayer" is to get better, like thats all I want for Chrismas! Wouldn't that be nice to have in my Christmas stocking! I am going to go over some of the other parts of the program, I really do NOT want to increase the benzodiazapine, but the nervous stomach is bothering me badly, I am going tot research natural remedies for stomach anxiety. Thank you Vincenzia for you're encouragement and support.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1853

Hi Deb,

I enjoyed reading your post - it sounds like you have turned a corner in understanding your way of thinking and how to work on turning negatives into positives. A lot of great suggestions were offered from members. Re-read the posts as much as you need.

I'm sorry to hear you are still experiencing some of the physical discomforts of feeling anxious.

Sunny mentioned the importance of taking time for ourselves in s couple threads. I suggest taking a half hour for yourself, maybe now, to lie down on your back, close your eyes, start taking deep, long breaths and focus on the sensation you are feeling in your stomach. Do you feel any different when you are giving yourself time to relax and focus on yourself? When are the times in your day that it feels worse?

When does it feel better, or, when do you notice that you don't have those stomach sensations?

Keep working on the program. You are doing so well by staying connected with us and writing out your feelings, experiences, questions etc..

Here for you,

Vincenza, Health Educator

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

I think I am finally starting to understand Davit. My negative thinking is a very very bad habit, almost like a harmful addiction, years and years of "practice" and I have ingrained it in me, I just wish if I had to worry about something it would be like about money, the economy, world peace, etc..... instead of my health the health of my family and impending death sickness and doom! does that make sense? I see I have much work too do, I am very very happy that the horrific full=blown panic attacks have decreased almost stopped, but I now need too work on the GAD, depression, agorophobia and health anxiety, you say that CBT will work for that and I do believe you, I just have to believe in myself that I have the courage to do and succeed.

Like today for example nothing is wrong, but I have that "queasy anxiety butter-fly stomach" but why?? what am I afraid of? The future? all the work I have to do to recover? feelings that I will not? it must be, like I said I am very happy about the attacks but now I have to work on the all day constant anxiety and getting out of my home and looking better and healthier.

I think deep down this terrifies me! That is why I feel so anxious, it was SO much work getting rid of the panic's and I think my brain knows that is not "all of it" there is much work too be done, living without panic is wonderful but the constant anxiety now I have to rid myself of, it all hits my stomach, like right now I feel I have to give a speech in front of a thousand people, or take a turbulant flight, or go to the dentist or something like that, but those things are not occuring and my stomach and nerves feel like they are. I guess what I am asking is, is it normal or common too still feel these feelings once the full-blowns have, the most part ceased? will the rest of it go too? I guess I sound very impatient, I am sorry, I just want to feel good again, its been so long, I want to feel and look healthy, go out into the world again, join the land of the living and not worry about sickness and death! My brain and heart are ready, I just gotta convince my body! I do NOT want to take more Klonopin, my nurse says I can take 3-4 a day, 0.5 tablets a day I take about one and a half or two, I dont want to feel sedated or like a zombie, and I know its so hard to come off them, so I try to keep my dosage low, it takes the edge off.

With prayer and the program hopefully one day I will be anxiety and worry free or at least much decreased, that is my goal and what I am working on, I want it so bad.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Debora.

Congratulations, see you can do it. Nice positive post. And I'm proud of you for your effort. You can still vent when something bothers you. Just try to find something positive to end it with and you will find your days going better. I'm in total agreement about anxiety and food as an irritant. I've been through that. I used a lot of calcium based Tums. Here for you as are the rest.

Davit.

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Feelings Creeping Back