Hello Everyone,
I am very happy I have not had a full-blown attack in awhile. That being said I am unable to rid myself of the negative scary thoughts that seem to be ingrained in my brain. Like yesterday I cleaned out all my old bills, junk mail, papers etc.....to shred they went back a few years and really needed to be done, as I was doing it I had a terrible thought "at least when I die soon this will be done for my husband"!? Why do these thoughts of death and sickness STILL are invading me? When I was having the attacks daily I thought THOSE would kill me, now I think something else will? its like I traded off and I dont want to do that, right now my stomach is in knots and I feel like I am going to be sick, this constant inner nerves are so very bad.
I also had an argument with my friend today, Our dryer broke this morning and my husband found one at a used appliance storage bin, it worked there but when he got it home it did not! He called the guy back and he said to come back in the morning and he would give my husband another dryer or his money back, but why wait till the morning? he should of done it today, I am so scared this guy will not show up, its a used storage bin and he has our money and my fear is he is long gone, my friend said "I am negative and have no trust" but this is a stranger at a storage bin, not a store or private home, there IS always that risk, we should not of bought used but new they are SO expensive, I dont think I am being negative, just cautious, she really upset me, she was ripped-off by a good friend a few years ago and thought she would understand, I need a friend right now, but she is SO hard on me sometimes its hard to take. I think I will take a break for awhile from her, she tends to yell at me like I am some stupid child or something, I think anyone would be concerned. Maybe I tell her too much.
I have to calm myself down right now, I feel very very close to an attack, I felt bad before the dryer situation, for some reason I woke very nervous, bad dreams again! Don't you all hate that horrible churning painful naucous butterfly feeling in your're tummies? Like you are going to be sick? I have to calm myself down, I do not want to go backwards, I know my brain and nerves are still not healed so I have to be very careful, any tips or advice would help. Thank you so much.