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Fear of driving, I need help :/

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Fear of driving, I need help :/

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Hugs.

Yes, some times it is sort of exposure, sometimes it is pain but I am doing it anyway. I can't seem to not. Social can become addictive in one who never was.

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Davit,

Being open emotionally means being open to receiving, or listening or being empathic or caring for the person doing the caring for the other. In a relationship, people switch those roles.

In marriage vows, "...for better or worse..." means either can be cared for at some time.

If you're sensitive, then you're doing this anyway, and this comes through in your posts.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Hugs.

I feel there are different forms of control. I think it is like the difference between aggressive and assertive. I think a person can be in control without being forceful.

I don't understand the vulnerable part. The care giver or the cared for? I once spent four months in a hospital bed unable to even roll over. Accepting that that was how it was going to be got me through it. I never felt vulnerable, what I did feel was anger when I was neglected. That I treated with understanding and gratitude for the assistance I was getting. To this day I still have one nurse that I dislike even though I have forgiven her over and over for abuse and inconsideration. I do not hate her, I find that word and feeling too corrosive. I Have been requested to make formal complaint because apparently she treats the elderly badly. (I have seen this happen also) I have mixed feelings about care givers. I've seen the good and the bad. It takes a special kind of person to do that every day. I could do that for someone I cared for but not as a job I don't think. I'm too sensitive to others pain. No one plans on being dependent but unless you die early it comes to all of us. It is my one fear and that is not a phobia.

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Tanya and Davit,

My point with the athlete caregiving was to illustrate that surrendering to a situation is as difficult as controlling.

When controlling, I am dominating. When surrendering, as in a caregiving relationship, one has to be vulnerable, compassionate and empathic with rewarding results because the need to be present to a needy person.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Tanya.

Knowing it is a case of control that interferes with normal driving is really a good thing. That you can fix. I'm sure I have a dint in the floor of the passenger side from riding with some one else. I'm always trying to go faster or slower so I know I don't like letting go of control. This control thing sometimes carries over to stores, busses, planes, LRT, and appointments. "I'm doing this because I want to" along with some relaxing skills and distractions works well for this. The interesting thing is that once you conquer one the rest fall in line and you do it subconscious. The hard part is accepting it could be that simple. You might start to look for the anxiety like a person worries a tooth ache. This too will pass with time.

Hugs has a good point about challenge. Challenge is good even if as just a distraction.

Speaking of distractions, they tend to be different if you are an introvert or an extrovert. Introverts tend to look out windows or at the floor. Extroverts tend to use noise, (music) or visual stimulus as a distraction. Pick your own distractions. What works for one doesn't work for everyone. Same with exposure. But that is another subject. Sort of.

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Hi Tanya,

One aid may be learning the skill of living in the present.

Athletes need to learn to control and execute with great precision. An olympic athlete described her transition from being a controlling elite athlete to becoming a compassioate and present caregiver for a special needs child as challenging but rewarding.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 25

Hiya Hugs :)

When I was refering to my "control issue" I was refering to my subconscious feelings to need to be in control of a situation. It seems I have more panic attacks when I feel like I am trapped; like when someone else was driving and I could not speed up or slow down the car, or when I'm on an esculator and I can't control whether I am going up or down once I choose one ... It sounds silly I know but it really messed with my head. Hope that clears things up alittle.

Tanya

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11

Davit, I really like that way of looking at it. I've found myself saying " I want to do this", while driving, when I start to feel more anxious. And it relates back to these posts. I try very hard not to say "have to", anymore. Definitly trying to eliminate that thought. So far, some progress has been made. Thank you! :D

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Starbucks.

Okay, So think on this. As a person does exposure they start to say to themselves "I can do this" and then you start to think "I want to do this". This is the opposite of "I can't do this" and "I have to do this". Negative to positive, CBT basics. Simple hey. Time consuming and a bit of work but still simple. Bet when you first went to the restaurant you did unconscious distractions too. Like looking out a window or at the floor. And the washroom is every ones escape. Common coping skills. Think on it and I would bet you have used similar skills to take back control. Going to stores, riding busses or elevators and driving all have the same answer. "I'm doing this because I want to" Never "I'm doing this because I have to", that is negative and negative breeds negative and sets up your thought patterns to think negative, in other words the worst. It is a fact that thinking anything negative leaves you with a tendency to think negative the next time you need to make a decision, conscious or unconscious. A negative thought getting in the car leaves you set up to have a negative thought at the first light or other trigger. Positive thoughts do the opposite but it takes time to instil them. (My shopping bag and panic triangle analogies).

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11

I know that some of my major triggers are being in drive throughs, with no way out. Roads with no u turns, stop lights with no easy way to "escape" the red light (say there is traffic on both sides). I also don't even like the feeling of being in the car. I think this fear of driving took over after I got rid of my fear of something else. I find I seem to replace fears with other ones. For example, I used to be terrified of restaurants. My anxiety on that has decreased, I'll go to restaurants now. I'll even sit on the inside of the booth, when I used to have to sit on the edge or be close to a door. As that subsided, my anxiety with driving went up.

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Fear of driving, I need help :/