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Forgiveness and the burden of toxicity which accompanies not learning to forgive

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Forgiveness and the burden of toxicity which accompanies not learning to forgive

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Thank you everyone for the kind words. I was really in a bad space yesterday emotion wise. I found someone to talk to today for alittle while and am feeling much better.

I am going to make a list now of things I could use to help myself get through the next time that will be helpful and I will talk to my doctor about other resources for help as well.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2508

Hello loves trees,

I am so sorry you feel alone right now..I think this is something I can relate to because I have been and felt abandoned many times before in my life. I had so many feeling at that time in my life..Anger, sadness, fear and loneliness etc. etc. The one thing that helped me was writing down what I felt and what I wanted to say that I didn't get to say to this person in my life while they were alive..When I was in grief group they had us write a letter to the person we lost, it was a goodbye letter where we could say the things we wanted to say..ask the questions we wanted to ask and such..Let out all our emotions and get some closure..than when we were done and ready we would get rid of the letter. Some threw there letters in the trash some choose to burn their letters. By doing this they were able say what the wanted to say, get past some of their pain and it helped them to move on..Kind of a purging of sorts..I don't see why this wouldn't work with the living as well..Sometimes we just can't talk to these people face to face..I know I can't..

I think Ashley idea of journaling in a good idea. I have been thinking about starting a journal on my laptop for a long time now..Something for my eyes only that I can delete when I am finished with it..Kind of like a purging..What do you think about this idea? Do you think it would help you?

Red....

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

loves trees

I am still here. I went to town this morning and am just on now. So you see we at least have not abandoned you. You can build on that fact and use it to dispel the core belief that everyone abandons you. You know I want you to make progress, so do others, core belief again. How can you rest? By being rest assured that these core beliefs are just half truths.

Here for you, a little late but still here none the less.

Davit.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi Lovestrees: I can relate to this as I just had an unpleasant phone call with a sibling with whom I feel uncomfortable for all kinds of reasons - won't go into them here. During the evening after the call, I kept ruminating about what was said and how it was said and all the things which bothered me about the sibling. I had remained calm during the criticisms and insults because our mother had just died and I was calling her to let her know. I was not going to argue or do anything disrespectful on the day my mother died.

What to do? I thought about writing a letter and doing exactly as Ashley says, just write everything as it comes into my mind and heart. Don't edit it - and most certainly, do not send it! I felt so much better after getting it all off my chest.

The next day, I read what I had written and decided I liked what I wrote, it was o.k. It really made sense to me. I DID NOT send it. There was no need to, it was therapeutic for me.

During the next day, afternoon, my sibling called. Since I had gotten the angst out via writing it all down, I was able to remain calm and collected and we had a fairly nice conversation. She sort of apologized, maybe not as much as I would have liked, but the olive branch was extended and I happily accepted it. Doesn't matter who is right - sometimes it is the love and forgiveness which allows us to move on. I feel so much lighter after this call. Doesn't mean we are the best of buddies, I want to try to be adult, be respectful and charitable.

Hope this helps you in some way.

Sunny

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11213

Hi Lovestrees,

You are not alone. We are here. I think we all know the feeling of really wanting to talk to someone when you are feeling upset but being unable to due to fear or the fact that no one is available right when you need them. It can make a situation feel even worse! Sometimes when emotions are ripe and you have no one to talk to a good thing to do is journal. Have you tried journalling? Journalling can be very theraputic. You could use your blog, post here or write it on paper. Write out all your feelings without fear of judgment or making others understand. If you want to cry while writing it, cry. If you want to be angry, be angry. Let it out, it sounds like you need to.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

i don't have anyone that can help. i reallyw ant to talk to someone right now but I cannot call anyone. None of the people in my life know what I am struggling with and it is too complicated to be able to explain to any of them. They would not understand. theyare all of the opinion that people who whine aobut their childhood are whiners, and they don't believe that people can be traumatized and they don't understand what trauma is or what it does to a person. I just feel alone.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11213

Hi Lovestrees,

I am sorry you feel abandoned. This is a very strong, painful feeling, that can leave a person feeling helpless and defeated. You are not alone. We are here for you. It sounds like a situation that you have no control over and cannot understand. What can you control and understand?

How can we look at this time as a challenging learning opportunity and not as a set back? Sometimes tests like these pop up when we are not ready for them. I think you are ready; you can handle this. Don't give this individual power over you, don't let this person take away from all the progress you have made.

I am hearing you thinking a lot of negative core beliefs: "I cannot make any progress. No one wants me to make progress. I am exhausted." How can we challenge these perceptions? How can you make progress? Who wants you to make progress who can support you now? How can you rest or get the energy you need?

We will help you through this!

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

How can I make any progress when I keep getting re abandoned in the present too? I cannot make any progress. No one wants me to make progress. I am exhausted.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

i've been abandoned again. By someone who knows how much this triggers fear. I do not know why. I do not know what to do. I am tired of these feelings and I trusted someone that they would never make me feel this way. So of course, they take advantage of me. I do not know what they are gaining from this.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

loves trees

When I first learned about how the triangle worked I was amazed. I had no idea how the mind salvaged experiences for future reference. I did not know how emotions dictated which of these to use. I thought just like everyone else that all my actions were random and at best base on my surroundings. I had no idea that the triggers just opened experience memory and it was previous memory or something related that dictated my actions. I think this is why I like a challenge. It allows me to add more to my experience bank. It explains why I do so well with theory. Theory being the base that thoughts are built on. Getting a little deep here.

But with previous experience being such a strong dictator of our actions it surprises me that we are not more negative. I think this is where perception is a big help. With a positive attitude a person will perceive the triggers in a different way and look for a positive experience to dictate the action. The mind works literally at the speed of light and can process a lot of information in micro seconds. But when a person doesn't like the answer it chooses then it goes round and round looking for a better one. This is information overload. Some times the choices get worse and worse from stress or frustration and some times because of dissociation there is no answer. Then a person gets panic which for those without adequate coping skills turns to an attack or an emotion attack. Heavy sadness or depression, or worse, anger because there seems to be no answer. And often there is no answer other than to make one and install it in experience memory. Do this often enough and the impact from dissociation is lessened.

Davit.

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Forgiveness and the burden of toxicity which accompanies not learning to forgive