Hi guys,
Lately--the past month or so--my panic and high GAD have taken on a curious, alternating quality that feels confusing to me. Within a single day, I may feel tired, then wired, then sort of okay, then depressed, then panicky, then agitated, then mildly content, in no particular or regular order--all randomized. Some days I'm mostly feeling one way or another, or feel one of a few symptoms, but other days I feel what I can only describe as wild emotional instability. My best friend died this summer, which precipitated all this panic, and I do realize that part (maybe most) of the oscillation comes from trying to cope with grief, physical distress and illness, panic, depression, and GAD simultaneously, which wears you down and makes you more susceptible to mood swings. But I feel as though my days have no emotional predictability. I may feel anxious but contained one moment, and then, five minutes later, morbidly melancholy. Then, thirty minutes later, numb or panicky or anything else. (Note: I'm not bipolar, or at least never been diagnosed as, nor has any of my friends or family suspected me of anything remotely like it. Also, I don't think even super rapid cycling can cycle that quickly.)
So two questions: first, is there anything anyone can recommend I do or try that may help me to regulate my emotions as I go through this? I'm trying mindfulness, CBT with a therapist, diaphragmatic breathing, and meditation, and I know that at some point they will bring about changes, but so far not much. Recommendations can be herbs, foods, behaviors, docs to see, questions to consider, anything. I'm pretty desperate. (Note: before the death, I wasn't prone to mood swings.)
Second, anyone have any idea how normal ("normal") this is? I've dealt with panic for about ten years now, and anxiety my whole life, but this is the first big loss I've experienced, so I don't know if mood swings like this are common or signs of something quite wrong with me. I'd rather be down all day than up and down and up and down. It adds so much to my anticipatory anxiety and keeps the trigger on my panic alarm too tight.
Note: just discontinued imipramine, which I'd been taking for three years, and am currently cross-tapering from Lexapro (also three years) to Zoloft (at 25mg). The mood swings started before the meds transition, but I'm sure it hasn't help.
Thanks, and sorry for the epic post,
Nick