This is going to probably disappoint you, but yes it is normal. The monster attack was the culmination of a day of subconscious anxiety. That shaky feeling. Forcing yourself to do the exposure if you don't want to is not the same as forcing yourself to because you want to. You let some negative sneak in there and it set the path for the rest of the day and night. So if it happens again you have two choices. Do the exposure because you want to, or go watch a movie with a cup of herbal relaxing tea. Focusing on whether you will be ready to go back to work won't help. Consider the possibility of using a small amount of medication to go back to work so that it is off the worry list or taking more time. Try to watch for that shaky anxious feeling and do some calming relaxation exercises and also if possible stay away from the caffeine. Caffeine does not cause anxiety but it does increase the effects if it is there or on it's way. If you want to do your job again, going back can work like the "this is my decision" mantra. It is different when you want to do something than when you have to do something. One is positive and helpful the other is negative and makes it worse. We haven't talked about distractions and having a way out. Basically having a way out is having escape routes to temporarily get away from the panic. How it works is like this, say you are talking to some one and you feel your skin tighten and the anxiety showing up. Don't try to figure out why. Look at the floor or out a window like you are thinking on the subject but think of something else for half a minute and come back to the conversation. No one will notice you are gone but the anxiety will be broken.
This is distractions. There are lots of ways to do this. What ever you do, do not focus on the fact you are anxious. These anxious moments are normal and everyone has them, they just don't notice. You on the other hand are going to want to focus on them and bring them to the forefront. Don't let that happen. Make use of the washroom as an escape. Cold water on your face or wrists is a distraction and breaks the anxiety focus. Once you convince yourself that it doesn't have to be there or you don't have to play to it, it will happen less. A few of these skills to help you and you can probably go back to work even with the potential of having panic. That and some relaxation techniques. It won't be perfect but it will be possible.
There is also, "I did it" or "I won". Keep track of the number of times you successfully did something uncomfortable. Try to increase it a bit each day. DO NOT keep track of the number of times you fail. This keeping track is a reward in itself but you can and should reward yourself for your successes. Any thing to keep them at the front of your memory. Just don't start doing things for the reward. That is counter productive.
First of all, don't worry about normal and not normal. Everyone is an individual. Focus on the good periods. What is working then? What triggered the bad periods? The set backs shows there is still chances for learning and with continued learning you will see improvements. Keep working at it and you will get where you want to be.
I just wanted to ask a question. Is it normal for anxiety to go up and down frequently when you first start the program? I'm 2 weeks in and have already noticed a large overall improvement in panic. However, last night whilst eating my dinner I had a completely unexpected monster panic attack. In fairness I had felt a little shaky all day although I forced myself to do the exposure work even though I really didn't want to do it. Last night I felt dreadful like I did a few weeks ago and thought I'm getting nowhere fast. However, today I feel great. I wouldn't say I was "raring to go" with today's exposure but I only had minimal anxiety about doing it and I was fine. I suppose what I'm asking is, is it normal to be up and down a lot to start with and will this get better with time? I think really I'm just frustrated that it's taking so long as I don''t want to lose my job. I've been off a month so far and really want to get going again. Thank you for listening.
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