All of what you all say is very true. I just wish there was a "move one" button in my head that I could push. I find it so hard to let go. I do have the Jon Kabat Zinn courses here but they fill up super fast and are expensive. I would prefer a book version anyways.
It's critical that you care for yourself, as I stated earlier.
Imagine if you left a sunflower, without nourishing it with sun, water, space and freedom from predatory insects?
Similarly, you need need nourishment to flourish and love those around you or you'll become worse. I think with caregiving, the pressures come subtly sometimes and in novel unrecognizable ways. Sometimes we're thrust into crises without resources.
...and no one can change such patterns now except ourselves... this I've learned from the CBT... about letting go of the regrets and hopelessness... discovering who I want to be now... and becoming so. It can be done and it is wonderful!
There is a reason why you are the way you are so don't blame yourself. It has more to do with genetics than you think. This is why two children can be so different yet have the same parents.
How a person is treated and by whom in the first 11 months of ones life sets the pattern for the rest of their life. Knowing this pattern is the first step to changing it. And it can be changed.
I never take care of myself. I know I should but I don't like myself much I guess. I would love to take workshops, art classes etc. but I can't seem to do it. I have never had a pedicure or anything like that.
I try to not show my anxiety but genetics wins every time.
As for guilt...I have guilt buried under guilt buried under guilt....I have an endless supply :)
It strikes me how important is to care for ourselves, since our circle of loved ones and friends feel through us...hope this doesn't increase your guilt
My daughter is filled with anxiety and stress right now. She is starting Grade 5 on Wednesday. I understand her stress and worry. I hated school so much. I used to dread it all. I didn't have good friends so even that angle didn't work for me. I actually still feel stress whenever September rolls around. Back to school jitters and I am not even going to school anymore!
My heart goes out to all the other "fall" worriers.
I am going to try meditating every night with my daughter. I read that meditation reduces stress etc. I will try just about anything to help alleviate these feelings.
We really do have a choice how we see things. That is why I left out the bears after the apples and the electric fence to keep them out of the orchard, And all the aches and pains that are payment for a bit of paradise. I wasn't always like this. There was a time when I was very negative. Nothing seemed worth the effort and so that is what I got. You harvest what you sow. But if you spend all your time thinking about the weeds you will have little worth harvesting. Sure there is negativity, the world drips with it, but we do have a choice in our thinking and our actions. We don't always have a choice in our surroundings but that is no reason to let them influence us. Easier said than done. Still an attempt at positive makes the world of difference. Maybe that was a poor choice of words considering how much unpleasantness surrounds us.
I have some blue Gladiolas this year, that is interesting. The weather is unbelievably good and going to stay that way for the next week. I just made an apple pie from my own apples. Life is good, even if anxiety still sneaks in when I'm tired or frustrated. Tonight I'm tired. Harvesting is hard, but this winter I can say, "I grew this".
Like this program, you do the work and you benefit. You get to say. "I did it". ME, I put in the work and I won.
Time to have a cup of tea and watch the sun go down on another good day. (everyone can have there life back, I got mine back and then some)
Your plans for the fall are important for any type of sanity. I was sad as I saw the small number of tomatoes withering away, and then there was hope from mom. She said that one of the seasoning plants we bought, which is I guiltily admit isn't planted(I've been wonky for days), could be planted and covered for the winter!
Also, the roses which I adore(and sunny always has so many pics as do other members) will last until november.
I wish to begin some planning, but some necessary rest and daily obligations are keeping me engaged to the present. Being present is just as important - maybe more - than planning - so I'll press on.
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