Hello,
I just signed up for this program and I am hoping and praying it will help me. I had this condition five years ago {panic depression anxiety and agorophobia and hypocrondria} five years ago and it went away and I was so grateful. Now it has come back with a vengence, I am basically housebound and only go out after dark I cannot tolerate the heat and sunshine I get dizzy faint and sick too my stomach, I am barely functioning and sleeping alot because its the only time the panic crying and pain go away for awhile, but you cannot sleep your life away and I have a special-needs teenager, a husband who works 12 hour days and no family nearby and very few friends, I feel so alone and isolated, the few friends I did have have gravitated away from me because of my condition and even my husband has, he is angry because this has been going on for eight months with no relief in sight. I have been seeing a therapist for five months {he comes to my home on insurance} but it has NOT been helpful in fact my husband thinks I am worse since seeing him, I also take klonopin {low dose} every day but I fear its going to hurt my liver and it does not work as well as before, I feel so alone like I am hopeless and beyond help.
When I suffered this five years ago I had a wonderful nurse practioner, some youth, and was not going through menopause. My nurse moved away {I see another one but its not the same} I am older and perimenopause is making it SO much worse! Am I "too old to get better" I am fifty and feel like its too late too get better like this is the way its going to be the rest of my life. My main worries are having a heart attack or stroke or getting cancer or getting locked up in a mental ward and leaving my son, I feel like now that I am older it will so much harder to get better and I know that is not positive thinking. This whole thing started last november, I got the flu then it went into broncitis, then I had an ovarian cyst burst, then another relapse of broncitis then I got a blood clot in my leg! and this all happened within six short weeks, somehow I got through the holidays but really fell apart in January, I really thought upping the klonopin and getting a therapist would help, I jumped right on it this time never did I think it would last this long and get worse, I am unable to take antidepressants because of severe side effects so Klonopin is all I have along with breathing and prayer, I have been praying for so long for God to help me or at least lessen it so I can function, I have lost so much because of this panic and depression, I fear I will lose my husband too, if I survive it, sometimes during an attack my blood pressure goes sky-high, like 176/104 and it terrifies me! Every panic I think I am dying, you would think after so many I would not think that but I do and now the depression has come, I cry everyday and the hypocrondria is so severe, I think that is what is causing the panic and crying. the severe bodily symptoms of death.
Has anyone ever been this bad and recovered? and I too old? I feel like all I have too look forward too is sickness, disease and old age, I feel like my life is over and I have spent so much time and money and I am even worse now, I am so afraid of death but I cannot live like this, its not fair too my son or husband. Is there hope? will this program help? will I ever be able to function again, even if it would just lessen or ease up it would help, I feel so scared and alone and people have been very very mean too me about this condition, my nurse called me a "nervous wreck" and my therapist hinted I got some "payoff" from it, 90% of my attacks come when I am alone so there is no payoff, I have lost such confidence in him since he said this.
I am so sorry this was so long, please forgive me, it felt some relief just too get it out. Do you think I can be helped at my age? Thank you very much for listening.
