divorce your husband...? Just kidding. Hi Maggie... it is good to hear from you again, although I'm sorry this situation is causing you stress. Does it help to know that having a new puppy is ALWAYS stressful? And is most stressful for the mom because it usually falls on her to take care of everything? I can so relate to your situation. My husband really gets freaked out by critter dander, hair, accidents, food bits, excrement... etc., etc., etc. and HE was the one that wanted these dogs... we have two dogs and two cats. It fell to me to house train them all and still to me to clean up after them.
Does it help to know that you are already doing what you can for the puppy situation? Crate training is absolutely the way to go. Do you have a trainer or friend or someone who has crate trained before to support you through this? You won't get to sleep through the night until the puppy is older and has more control. Although... it really should take about 2 - 3 weeks to fully house train a puppy that age. It could be sooner... depends on the breed and temperament.
As for the anxiety... perhaps accepting that it is what it is and you are doing everything right??? Renew your relaxation techniques, remind yourself to breathe, lock yourself in the car and scream at least once a day??? You have my deepest sympathies. Try to remember that this too shall pass but it will take a good while.
One more thing and this sounds contradictory... but, if your marriage can't handle the strain of a puppy... then perhaps it would be best to either return it or find it another home. When you have a family, surviving that first year of puppyhood is really tough if you don't have a supportive partner.
Good luck!