Hi Ashepp... you have been on my heart and mind as your concerns about death have taken me back. Thank you Sunny for your thoughts and sharing your experience about your father's death. Your calmness of spirit is so apparent in your posts... it is soothing and oh, so helpful.
I learned a really big lesson on fear and worry and death through the recent passing of our son. His first deployment to Iraq was in 2004... the worry and fear that came with that deployment changed our whole lives. We worried, we fretted, we prayed, we had everyone, near and far, friends and strangers praying for his safety. The anxiety caused a lot of friction at home and severely tested our marriage and relationships with others. Our lives were consumed with fear of his dying.... consumed with fear for his safety. He went through a lot in the war... he came back changed.... but he came back alive.
Fear of his next deployment gripped our lives in even greater measure once he was home. Eventually, he was deployed again. Again the anxiety, fear and prayers increased. Six months into his second deployment ... he came home, but he did not come home alive. All that worry and concern and hampering of our lives put on hold since 2004... were for naught. It did not keep him alive or safe. All that worry and anxiety and fear and prayers did not make it easier to deal with his death. It just made us all the more depleted at a time when we really needed to be present to handle... things.
What a waste of time and energy. How pointless. When asked, I now tell parents of soldiers to let them go with your blessing and let go of the worry because it only hampers everyone's life and does not enhance their soldiers' safety in the least. Support them. Listen to them. Be available to encourage... but let go of the worry. What will be, will be. I guess it all comes down to that.
If and when death does come... you do what you have to do to deal with it, get through it, grieve it. (and... it is not at all how you think or plan it will be). I think it might be easier to grieve when the time comes, if we stay in the present... right now... and appreciate our loved ones.... and express our love each and everyday as if there is no tomorrow. Then there are no regrets. Or fewer anyway.
Now, sometimes, I worry about my grandchildren dying... especially after reading news about young children dying. It can creep up on me so swiftly it takes my breath away... I can feel myself start the downward slide.... but now I am more aware and can catch it early. I take away all the chairs and tell the thought not to bother to get comfy because it is not welcome in my head/heart/home... the grandkids are fine today and will likely be fine for many years to come. There is nothing helpful or healthy about the fearful thoughts. Sometimes, after I kick those thoughts out, I do then have a discussion about safety with their parents because they can sometimes be lacadazical about such things and sometimes I will call the grands just to tell them I love them.... but that is a calm choice I make... not something I do out of fear.
A lot of words.... trying to explain a complex topic... which at it's core is quite simple.... death is a part of life .... worrying about it steals all the life out of the equation.
(what is with our adult children??? Sheeeeeesh!) Take care. I'll be counting the days down with you and expect a full update come end of July. Cyber hugs back at ya! 
