I want to mention something that might happen to you after successful exposures like this. You can get a sad anti climatic feeling like there should have been more. If it happens ignore it it is just your body disapointed because you broke the old negative routine. It goes away in time. I am very pleased with you and you have the right attitude.
thanks so much for your stories and great advice, so i got up this morning and while i was in the shower started thinking about it and thinking about and then i thought that overthinking will stress me out and that the drive was enough of an exposure on its own, so i left the house at 8am with the Ativan in my bag i drove all the way there spent three hours at the hospital having my preop checks and then went to lunch and shopping with my mum, we had a great day and i did not get home till 4 in the afternoon, of course i did not need the Ativan but i still had it with me, i came home and went for my afternoon walk and just had some dinner i think i did really well to do all that today and so far away from home and i am not disappointed that i did not meet my therepists expectations of me because i met my own.
I have a couple of stashes of ativan around..my doctor wanted me to get rid of them also..but I like the security of having them there...so what's wrong with that..I never have taken any...in fact, I only ever had one dose of it in my life....so I decided to do it my way...
Take the time to read through all the support and keep what you need close. Slowly you will be able to change "bags". If you are ready, then make the switch, if not... as Davit said save it for another day.
From a personal point of view I think your therapist is wrong. I have two bottles of Ativan some where. I have lost them. I think one is in the car. I will never take it again and at the time I packed it around I still knew I would never take it again.
You can not force CBT. Yet there is a school that tries this with exposure. A shock therapy that does work for some. Sort of like getting back on the horse. But if it has been a while it doesn't work. Then it takes time to work into it.
You can try the cold turkey off the deep end thing but if it doesn't work for you, don't feel like you failed. I like to think of it as carrying an umbrella in the car even though the sun shines just in case. I'm sticking my nose in because I think what you are doing right now is too important to do as exposure. Save the exposure for every day challenges.
I use to do that very thing with zanax..i started to cut mine in half,and slwly let go of it,,but it was a bit scary for me to do,as i always felt i needed it!!
Now,like you..i take my ativan with me all the time...
I think its a security issue,it is with me anyway..
I have to drive to the hospital for my pre op appointment tomorrow its is about 40 minutes away and i have been to the area many times (not in the last year) my mum is meeting me there and we will probably have lunch after.
I saw my psychologist a week ago and we discussed my next exposure, I have not used Ativan in 5 months at all but i still have about 4 quarters in my bag all the time, if i change bags i move it into my new bag, i never take it and never need it, the therepist says she would like me to make the journey tomorrow and leave the Ativan at home, I agreed but now I am feeling a slight hesitation in doing this, i dont even think about it being in the bag 90% of the time, why do i feel this hesitation?
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