EvolutionHealth.care

Home
Main Forum
Anxiety
Introduce Yourself!
Hi, I´m CdnGuy, but please just call me Guy

Advanced Search Form

Hi, I´m CdnGuy, but please just call me Guy

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 89

Thank you Tiana and Davit,

I just went through the Role Transition section since it really addresses this situation for me. Wow. I thank whoever is responsible for this site.

My sweetie and I worked through some things today. Things like taking care of our home, taking care of ourselves and each other. That hasn't happened for so long. But we both want that! It wasn't happening because of our lifestyle.

Oh, do I love her!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 653

Guy,

Great work! I'm glad you have your CBT thinking cap back on! I see only positives when I read the last half of your post. Keep that in the forefront of your mind. You can do this! Expect moments of wavering so that when they occur, they don't knock all the wind out of your sails and make you feel like a failure. We all have our moments. How we manage them is key.

Thanks for sharing your story, Davit, and the song, Hugs. Both have important messages!

Tiana, Health Educator

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Sounds like that "What If" poem...

WhatIF

Last night, while I lay thinking here,

Some Whatifs crawled inside my ear

And pranced and partied all night long"and sang their same old Whatif song:

Whatif I'm dumb in school?

Whatiff I get beat up?

Whatif there's poison in my cup?

Whatif I start to cry?

Whaif I get sick and die?

Whatif I flunk that test?

Whatif green hair grows on my chest?

Whatif nobody likes me?

Whatif a bolt of lightning strikes me?

Whatif I don't grow taller?

Whatif my head starts getting smaller?

Whatif the fish won't bite?

Whatif the wind tears up my kite?

Whatif they start a war?

Whatiif my parent get divorced?

Whatif the bus is late?

Whatif my teeth don't grow straight?

Whatif I tear my pants?

Whaif I neverlearn to dance?

Everything seems swell, and then

The nighttime Whatifs strike again!

Guy, someday we'll learn to let the "what ifs" slide off our backs...

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Hi, Guy.

The biggest and most important thing here and I'm sure you know it so I'm only mentioning it because I agree with you, is that you recognize what you are doing to yourself. You are the one in control.

Thirty years ago I moved with my then wife to the valley I live in now. We were both working full time jobs and managing an apartment also. It was too much. We had bought a piece of land together because I wanted to go back to a quieter life. She thought she did too. The quiet life is great if it is in your soul so to speak. And I did want to have a nice little homestead and for a few years I did. It turned out not to be as idealistic as she thought. I made a major mistake, I tried to make it more like she thought it should be like in a hurry. So I was back working more than one job and never home. I should have dropped it and spent more time with her. I did every thing wrong so we eventually split. And why. Because we didn't mean enough to each other. You are far more in love than either of us were. You can do it, you know how. You can be what she needs and what your kids need. I'm not sure I could have. This was not destiny it was just me being blind and not trying hard enough. Two people have to have the same dream or they have to do something different so they do.

I have another chance now. And I'm doing the same as you with the what ifs. My list is a bit different because I'm retired but what ifs are still what ifs. And you know even though I'm one of the free (cured) I still get them. But for every negative what if there is a positive one.

Keep posting. It helps, it really does. And may no one ever have to go through what I have in the last few years. And they won't if I can help in any way.

Here for you,

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 89

Oh what a day!!!

First the what ifs started. Not the good kind either.

What if I can't sell the house?

What if I can't find a decent job there?

What if I get there and we find that the problems we had together weren't just a result of a rat race lifestyle?

What if I get there and I hate it?

Then I started questioning if my sweetie really loved me.

Why did she do this so quickly?

Why couldn't she wait for all of us to go together?

Maybe she's using this as a way to leave me or control me?

The last couple years of our life together has been tough since we have jobs where we are on call 24-7. Her more so than me for the last 2 years and before that it was me. We're sick of it. We never talk because we know that as soon as we start the phone will ring. We had one 6 day vacation in the last 5 years and both of us took work calls during them.

I keep forgetting that I want this too. I encouraged her to pursue that job. I saw the beautiful little homestead we could have when she bought that house.

What if I find a good job?

What if I really like it there?

What if I can sell the house and make a bit of money off of it?

She did this quickly because it was a job that uses her skills, pays decent for the area, and should be relatively low stress compared to managing a hotel. She did this because she wants what I want - a life where work stays at work and family endures.

She couldn't wait, because it actually took a long time to get the job and I actually encouraged her to take it.

If she's trying to control me, it seems pretty dumb to try to do it from 4000km away. If she's trying to leave me, why would she keep calling me and telling me she loves me. Why would she cry when she tells me she misses me?

I'll get through this. Plus I promised her I would join her down there. I haven't made many promises in my life, but I've yet to fail to keep one. That's a core belief that I need to maintain and keep with. Being a man of my word is a big part of my self-worth and I've done that so I AM worth something!

Thanks for letting me bend your ear, or eyeball as the case may be.

Cheers,

Guy

PS Davit, I read some of your blog. You, sir, are an inspiration!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi Guy: Welcome to the site. It's rough apart from the one you love. Add to that the stress of selling a house. And then wondering if all is well with your family. Keep in touch with your spouse and the kids, any time you feel like it. Maybe the phone bill will be a little high but it's a need right now. Take good care of yourself because she loves you and needs you and when you do reunite, it'll be happier days again. Keep the faith.

Sunny

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 152

Hi Guy,

welcome to the group, you have plenty of friends in similar situations here, its a busy time for you at the moment and a little overwhelming, believe me i have had one of those weeks also, i am usually like you and what if and worry about things because you think if you stop worrying you will lose control, but all the pre worrying in the world wont always effect the end outcome, you have to try and only worry each day about what you have to deal with on that day, the decisions you will make on the day for the best outcome, the things you deal with each day are the things you can change or effect, think past all of this till your in your new house with your family, start planning the things you will do once you are all there, happy positive things.

Your friend Debi

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Guy.

Good, and good luck with the move.

Here for you,

Davit

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11

Hi Guy,

Welcome.

My advice, try not to be so hard on yourself. If your wife knows that you love her, that's what counts.

that is all that you can do. Try not to take the fear from your past into your present relationship. Stand tall and confident, be who you are, and everything will fall into place.

Angel

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 89

Hi Davit,

I tell her I love her several times a day, and I have since I first told her 5 years ago. I do what I can to make her feel loved. I've always been a sort of romantic, with surprises and little notes. I wrote her a note on our bed frame before I packed it up, and she took it with her. My hope is that she'll read it and think of it every time she goes to bed.

Hard words are sometimes good words. I believe I've been a good man for her and her kids, and my son. I'll continue to work on being better too. Thank you.

Hey Tiana,

You are right. I will get through this just like I got through everything before. Thank God I found this site. I went out for coffee with a friend this morning and that helped. I'll try to do that at least once a week. I'll continue to work on the program as well.

Reading this thread:

today's top discussions:

This Month’s Leaders:

Most Supportive

Most Active

Most Loved

Hi, I´m CdnGuy, but please just call me Guy