Glad to here from you, you are right it is time to focus on you, your dad would want you to be healthy and well, I am glad to hear your meds are starting to work and you are feeling a little better.
30 years and I still miss my Dad, he would be 93 though. He still roams around in my mind and when I do something I always wonder if he would approve or if he would have a better way. I don't actually still grieve, I just miss him. We did not have enough time together, and he had so much to offer. Some times when I get something really right I wish I could show him. If he can see, I hope he approves all I have become.
So now when things get tough do them for your Dad, do them because he would approve. It will keep you motivated and his memory with you.
Sorry it's been awhile. I feel like I've been in limbo and the entire month of February just slipped by in a blur. I went for a walk the other day for the first time in a couple months because I finally felt strong enough to get some exercise. It felt like Spring outside and it woke me up. I realized that it was March already and I was honestly shocked! I also realized that I've been so wrapped up in depression and anger that I lost track of time. I hate that I allowed an entire month to slip away and I know my dad would be upset with me for allowing it as well.
I'm still incredibly sad and miss my dad. But, I am going to start focusing more on life now. The beta blockers seem to really be helping with the flutters. I am feeling a lot stronger in the chest and even though I get an occasional flutter, it's not like before. I feel stronger when I walk. I deep cleaned the house yesterday for the first time in about a month and a half, which it desperately needed!! And I actually felt strong enough to do it! Woo Hoo - So, today I can sit back and relax -in a clean house- and do nothing. I need a day of nothing. It's time to start living again.
Its been a while since you posted, i am guessing you are taking some time out after the loss of your dear father, but i wa wondering how things are going for you, are you doing ok, are you having anymore flutters.
Well, I am back from the funeral. It went better than I thought it would. My dad had a lot of people that loved him and they came up and told really funny stories about him and instead of crying, we all laughed the whole time. He was quite the joker his whole life and loved to be the clown, so there were plenty of funny stories. At the cemetary, there was a huge hawk circling his grave. I believe it was a message that everything is ok. He would have said it was "good medicine." It brought me some peace to see it circling.
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And I actually felt strong enough to do it! Woo Hoo - So, today I can sit back and relax -in a clean house- and do nothing. I need a day of nothing. It's time to start living again. 
