Hi everyone!
I'm new here!
I got my first panic attack about 10 years ago, it was probably an effect from being on the pill, it got me very depressed and from nowhere I got my first attack making dinner in the kitchen. I lived alone then. Ever since then I have hade periods with anxiety attacks. They usually come when I have to be home alone or when I need to work with sharp kitchen knives for some reason. It's like I'm a fraid the knife will attack me or something, even though I know I would never do that because I love life! It's not logical at all!! It's just my thoughts playing weird tricks on me!
I have been living with my partner for 7 years now, he's lovely and he knows I have my ups and downs and do everything he can to cheer me up. We move to a new house 1,5 years ago and I have been feeling so good and safe because I love the house. A few weeks back though I had a major setback. My partner was working late every evening and one day while making dinner, chopping onions, I got a horrible panic attack. I had to hide the kitchen knife away in the dishwasher. That event made me feel really sad and worried and scared!! What happened? Why?
After doing session 1 online here yesterday I realized exactly what I do to master the anxiety. There apparently is something called "avoidance" and oh boy, that's exactly what I started mastering...
I have made sure I was never home alone, I stopped cooking while being home alone and all this lead to me being even more sad and worried. I'm a grown up woman and I hate being home alone!? My "safe" person takes some of his work home to work from there in the afternoons instead. If he has a late meeting I make sure to meet up with a friend for dinner in town... It's not making me proud...
I used to not even reflect on being home alone in the evenings in our new house just a feew weeks back. Now it's controlling my life... I don't feel safe. And I hate that feeling!
How can I get over this!? Will I feel safe and secure again!? I'd love to hear some of your thoughts! I sure need support!