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Being home alone, scared to death!

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Being home alone, scared to death!

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi aswa: That does sound scary to me, but don't give up! it takes time to change that negative thought to a positive one. Every time you feel the negative, right away, put up the positive one. You may have to do it repeatedly for a long time. But that's o.k. it took a long time to get where you are, you've experienced this negative thought for a long time, now give yourself some time to do the positive. Have faith that it will get better. Are you practicing the relaxation techniques every day? Read the section on the "what if's" over and over if that's what it takes. It will sink in. You can think you know that section, but do you believe it? Have you tried writing down the negative thought on one side of paper, including the emotion which goes with it, such as fear? What are the percentages of each, or use a 1-10 scale. Write that down beside the thought. Then on the other side, write down your positive thought. Reading about it, thinking about it and now writing about it adds layer upon layer of positive onto the negative. Let's bury that negative thought for good. You can do it!

Your friend, Sunny

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 7

Gah! I was feeling really good yesterday looking forward to the friday evening in the sofa. Then my mind played tricks on me again...

I needed to use a pair of scissors to open a box and the I got an attack again. The attack was triggered by a thought that went "What if I turned in to a person that would be curious how it would feel if this scissors cut me".

It's so bizarre because my biggest fright is to get hurt and I get cold chills when I hear of people who cut or hurt themselves to release anxiety. So why does my mind scare me this way? Most of all, what questions can I ask myself back to calm down or to quiet these irrational thoughts?

I really could use some advice to understand what's going on and how I can take control over my thoughts!

It's very turbulent right now, I guess it's because I'm finally dealing with something that has been torturing me for ten years so it feels like I have opened the flood gates and can't make sence of anything! But I'm doing this and dealing with it because I want to get over it! My partner is so sweet and thinks I'm very brave telling him about my most scary feelings and thoughts. I'm glad I have him to support me :)

Thanks again for reading!

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Welcome to the group aswa,

Yes, we really understand here!I remember how wonderful it felt when I finally had people to talk with that really understood what its like to have anxiety and panic.

I was..yes.... I think I can say was now...a worry-wort too...not anymore, having learnt the technique to question my worrying thoughts and break them down from "what ifs" to "whatevers" is the best thing I think I've ever learnt. And I am using the exposure plan to rid me of my advoidance tendencies. I believe that's the answer. You have come to the right place!You can beat your fears too! I'm glad to hear you have a supportive partner and are able to let your true feelings out..like Sunny says, that's so important, and we are here for you too..

Juanita

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

aswa

You are definitely on the right track. Negative verses positive. It is okay to be concerned, verses worried. Take each one of those worries and turn them into concerns by finding something positive to do with or about them. Putting a positive spin on them allows you to discard them. Even something as simple as, "it is good that the knife is sharp or I could never cut the tomatoes." This is a positive focus and takes the power away from the knife. It is like saying,"I know you are there and if I set you down carefully out of the way you are harmless." You can focus on another task to get the sharp object out of your mind but it works better if you deal with the sharp object first. This will keep you from getting dragged back to it. This works for any fear situation. Avoidance just leaves the fear there ready to spring on you.

Like sunny said " I know you are there, I just don't have time for you right now."

Here for you,

Davit.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 7

Thank you everyone for your replies, they are invaluable. I'm not alone! Someone understands me! Yippiiee! :)

It's so funny because when I calm down (like now) I don't really see what my problem is. I have gotten over my sharp object phobia before by learning to divert my scary thoughts to something that I like and focusing on that instead.

My biggest problem is worry. I worry about my friends, my pets, my partner, my house, my job, my health, worried about being worried (!).. bla bla bla... I very rarely proper panic attacks when I think about ut...

I'm a master at making a bird out of a feather!

For a worry wart like me, isn't it all really just about to learn how to think differently (or not think at all)? Breaking habits, both in behaviour and in thoughts.

Right now I am worried that I the panic attack I had a few weeks back will get me into a depression, because that was what happened 10 years back. But I'm a different person today. I know that time makes me stronger and the fear I feel is not necessary.

I remember a Qigong teacher I once had. She taught us that sometimes when bad thoughts come knocking in our heads, it's perfectly OK to tell it "hello, i don't have time for you right now, perhaps later". I think that is a great line to divert thoughts. Or just to say "Stop!" when a thought like "you are always so worried, it will never go away" turn up.

If I get busy filling my mind up with lots of things to look forward to, my negative thoughts won't get that much room... isn't that true? I think I need to focus more on diverting my thoughts than anything else...

It's also funny because one of my favourite weekend activites and something that I really can look forward too is to cook good food together with my partner, over a glass of wine. And I actually think I want to do that this weekend! What can be so scary about that? We will probably have a good laugh in the kitchen!

Sunny, I actually bought a bright, green plastic knife a few weeks ago and I have no problem with that at all! :) And I don't have big problems with the ragged edged knives either. The worst one that we have is a big shiny Global knife and isn't it quite common sence to respect such a sharp knife? I don't really have to work with that one, do I? Well atleast not in the coming weeks :)

Wow this turned out to a long message but it felt good to write my thoughts down, mostly for me, but also to get your inputs on them! Thanks for reading :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi aswa: I think telling your partner everything would be a relief right there. It's hard to hide our feelings all the time. I know, I've done it often enough.

Just an idea, can you start with plastic knives?

Sunny

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

Hi aswa,

It's definitely okay to start out by not having the knives around. I would encourage you to work through the first few sessions of the program and develop an exposure plan to work up towards being around knives again. It's something you can also do for being at home by yourself. The exposure worksheets were the most helpful part of the program for me because I would list all my anticipatory fears, then see afterwards how it was all just my mind getting me worked up and there was really nothing to be afraid of. I've still got several things I want to expose myself to and work on, but I have overcome a few fears already using the exposure tracker!

Teebs

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 7

Me again! Just wanted to add that the worst "what if" thought that goes through my mind is "what if I die", that knife can actually kill me! It's a weapon! That's what scares me the most! I don't want to die! I guess that is what goes through the minds of people who are scared of snakes or flying etc aswell..?

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 7

Thank you all for your replies! Davit you are spot on with the what if's. My mind really plays tricks on me and it scares me terribly!

My partner that I live with know that I am afraid of sharp objects (could it be a phobia?). He didn't realize it was this bad for me though. Last night I told him everything, how the knives trigger attacks and he was very understanding, comparing it with someone being scared of spiders or snakes and having them all around.

He wanted to know what we could do to calm me down and make me feel safe at home again and we sort of made up a plan. Last night what he did was collecting all sharp objects and hiding them from me while I was in a bath. Avoidance, I know... But the plan is to introduce me to the knives when he is with me so that I can learn that they are not bad, they are just kitchen utencils. Start cooking together. Knives with ragged edges are not as scary so maybe we should start with them?

But perhaps I shall do what you suggest and start imagining me holding it as a first step? And thinking of what can happen? The thought sure is scaaaaaryyyyy though... But I want to feel safe again! So I will try and think more of how I want to feel again. And that is not afraid!

Thanks again!!!

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

aswa

I had a busy day but wanted to get back to you. I have a few things you might want to look into.

First, panic attacks are an exaggeration of survival techniques. We constantly are checking our surroundings in a minor subconscious way. This is a good think, it keeps us from tripping over steps or getting run over by busses. We do this all day and night but it is subconscious. It is when we start to dwell on it that it becomes a problem. No longer do we check it out and discard it. The knives are sharp and if some one was to attack you a sharp knife would be a deterrent. Not likely anyone is going to attack you in your home. The thought may have come from a movie or some memory from the past. Here we get into perception. How you look at things. Avoiding the situation makes it worse. This is where thought exposure comes in. Looking at the situation and deciding if it is true or not. (usually not if it is an unrealistic fear) Yes it will cause some anxiety when you do this, but it does get better.

We had some champions of avoidance here. (had)

The other thing is "what ifs" Lots of people get the what ifs. What if this happens, or what if that happens. "what ifs" can keep you from doing things. Like "what if I cut myself". So what if you do. If it's minor you put a bandaid on it. If it is bad you rap it in a towel and get help. There are good "what ifs". What if you do something fantastic you are afraid of. What if nothing happens when you do something you are afraid of. What if it is bad but not as bad as you thought. Positive verses negative. Bury the negative with positive thought. I know right now it is so hard but it does get better.

We had some champions of the "what if" here. (had)

Keep posting.

Here for you

Davit.

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Being home alone, scared to death!