Teebs, its great to hear that you were able to make such a breakthrough. Part of getting through anything difficult time, is just knowing that people are there for us and like you said, its enough to make you feel like you're not alone.
You know I believe in you and you know I have seen the progress. But I also know the need to hear it. And I do believe in you. Just coming here and opening up is proof of the progress. You are doing very well and I for one enjoy hearing from you, good or bad.
Your first paragraph really expresses a transition I went through in my thinking about a support person, too. I used to want both encouragement and insights from my support people, and I realize now this was unrealistic. I pay a counselor for the insights (or come on to this support forum where people know more what it really feels like!), and hopefully still get the encouragement from my loved ones.
This transition really became apparent to me when I was going through withdrawal from Paxil. I was always very attached to my mom growing up, and had an underlying belief that she could fix anything, often just by being there. When I went through the Paxil withdrawal I felt helpless - and so did all of my support people. It was a miserable experience but it really made it clear to me that other cannot magically fix my problems. I have to put in the work to fix them myself, and they can be there with me to offer support and encouragement along the way. That was a huge realization for me.
Now, the biggest role of my support person(s) is telling me they believe in me and reminding me of other things I need to hear, like the progress I have already made. Sometimes just being there is enough, so I don't feel so alone.
Often a support person doesn't change, your need does. I can be as much or as little as a person needs and still be a support person. I am like a well, draw what you need. This is what makes a good support person. That and dedication.
I think the interesting thread here is that a support person means different things to different people. Since we all have different problems from the same mental problem. I also see in loves tees response that a support person role can change as we change interesting dialogue. Gives me something to ponder instead of looking for a specific kind of support perhaps the best support is one that changes with you.
I have come to understand over the last few months that a support person may not be able to offer any insights, but they can still be supportive. I really wanted supportive friends who also had some insights to share. I am now going to pay a counsellor for the insights and hopefully expect less from people in my life in terms of insight, and just be grateful for the supportive words or hugs they can offer, if they offer it.
A supportive person can also help you with tasks that might get in the way while you need time to focus on the program. for example, offering to help with grocery shopping or something like that, or cleaning up the house or hiring someone to clean up the house so you have more time to yourself. there are lots of ways people can be supportive if they want to be.
I agree about a support person being someone who is accepting, and encouraging. those are not small, those can be a big help. I just wanted to echo what you wrote and share what i've learned about what a support person is or does since my stance on this has changed recently from going through the program.
I think what you've said is really positive. You're accepting others people's help in your road to recovery, and at the same time you know that you are strong enough to do it on your own.
How do you feel about what you want out of relationship?
Ashley asked me if my father was supportive for me. My question is what does support mean to you. Here is the way I think about our illness. It is CBT, medication, or the help of a professional that we use to help ourselves. I think I must learn to be able to conquer my fears by myself. If I did have a support person and they were gone, I would not have developed the tools to keep myself mentally well. I am I no way putting down someone that has a safety person to help them get over their fears but eventually you are going to have to do what you fear yourself. CBT is not a one shot deal that cures what we are thinking now and we will never need it again. All I can think of that a support person should do is accepting what we are trying to do and give encouragement and perhaps they could provide some insight where our false beliefs lie. This would also help me to think about what I want out of a relationship. Perhaps I want too much or perhaps I should be seeking more. What does a support person mean to you?
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