I have determined that one of my major problems is with relationships. I mean romantic relationships and friendships. My problem after reading relationships from the toll box is that I have sequestered myself away from most relationships. My biggest problem with romantic relationships is that I have been sick for a long time and unable to work. So I envision when talking to a girl that the question of “what do you do for a living” will come up. Then I met an acutance in a support group I go to who also has the same mental problem as me and has not worked for a while. His experience is, he joined a dating site and gets in touch with the women from the site and then goes on dates with them. So I asked him what do you do about “what do you do for a living question”? He says he does not discuss it or he talks about what he used to do.  I thought great it is just my perception that I am afraid of a question that is not important. However, upon further discussion with him he told me that he only goes out with these women for three to four times and then goes onto another. Then I elaborated that I do not want a three date friend that I need to develop friends or girl friends that will be with me in the long haul. He is also trying to get back to working full time as am I. So then, we started discussing what kind of girl friend would be best for use. He said what I have thought all along, that he is looking for a girl after he goes back to work that does not have the same problems we have. I see the benefits in being in a relationship with a supposed normal person (I know there is no such thing) but some one that is more stable then I am. Here is my experience so far in my life, when I was in high school I had friends who I lost when I went to university. Then in university, I had friends who I lost when I went to work. Then when I got sick I lost all my work friends, and I know in the relationship it says it is a two way street. I also have tried to maintain contact with them, I did try several times to phones them and there were always busy or whatever so just gave up. I seem to have the impression that so-called normal people do not want to associate with a person with a mental illness especially one that is not working. This is not an unprecedented opinion as I was on the board of a mental health agency where we discussed that stigma and discrimination is one of the biggest problems people with a mental illness face. I have been trying to establish friendships with people even before I read the toolbox on relationships. I asked a girl out and made it explicit that I just wanted to go out and have some fun and that I did not want a girl friend. She said no, so naturally I read her mind and determined her answer was because I had an anxiety problem; (this certainly is where one of my problems lie in interpreting other people’s response to my question). I was wondering what women feel about this problem do they think the same way I do. Which is that normal people do not want to be friends with a mentally ill person, also that I think it is a man’s experience to be friends wherever he finds himself at the time. The reason I think like this is evidence driven my two closes friends in high school do not associate with any one from high school or me. It seems to me that when a woman makes a friend that they are friends for life, (of course, this could be my false perception). I do not mean to offend anyone and I am not asking for personal experiences. One last note is that I notice that the same people have been posting a lot to each other the reason I have been contributing to posts is that I have been spending a lot of time thinking about my false core beliefs and false thoughts. I fact as Davit suggested to me one of my biggest problems may not be situational but that I need to expose myself to the thoughts I have so this post is exposing myself to, I hope false beliefs, or depending on your answer I will have to come up with an alternative view.

Dizzy