Again, thank you ALL for your insight. It's always very helpful and put a big smile on my face today. I've gotten a lot better at spotting the negative thoughts that pop into my head and telling them to go away, or just trying to switch them to something positive. But man, it's hard! Holy cow! It's hard to describe...but imagine you're trying to swim out to sea but there are waves constantly pounding you, making it near impossible to get out to sea. Well that's what it's like with my thoughts - the waves are the negative thoughts just crashing down and being overbearing but at least now I can spot them and tell them to back off. So that's good! :)
I agree - quite true. We are not the same people - we have changed. Life's experiences have changed us. We are going forward in a positive way, with new knowledge and new skills. We have trained ourselves and are ready to tackle new anxieties. And most importantly, we have learned to take better care of ourselves, like a good friend.
Your councillor is right. There will always be things that cause anxiety in your life, there will even be panic. What there will not be is panic attacks because now you have the knowledge and tools to shut them down before they start. Even if you do have one and you probably will have the odd one sneak in over the next couple of years they will be less trouble than the common cold. Much less. A while ago when that would happen I would just go ho hum where did that come from. Usually it was something simple and easy to laugh off.
Don't worry, it is like learning to ride a bike, you will always be able too. The same with panic attacks once you learn how to get rid of them then you will always be able to get rid of them. That is just how it is. If you do the whole program you will not be able to go back. It will change your perception and your life. Guarantied.
I too worry sometimes that all this work will be for nothing and the anxiety will just "come back" unbidden. I remind myself that the road to recovery will not always be smooth, and that a bump in the road doesn't mean a total relapse. My counselor also told me that even if there are flare ups, I have more tools in place now to navigate through them and get back on track faster, which I've found helpful. I just thought I'd share in case these thoughts might be of help to you!
Sounds like you had a great week! So glad to hear. I know you have had a tough time lately so a little excitement sounds like just what you needed! It also sounds like there is a lot of exciting options for your future! Isn't it funny how things seem to happen for a reason? Perhaps you needed this time off to change career directions? Perhaps this is just what you needed to work on the anxiety!
Hi Spartan: congratulations on finding something you really want to do! That's half the problem solved right there. Many people don't know what they want or what they could happily do. I think by the time this yr. is over and you have all that knowledge and practice of the CBT program, you'll be ready to start classes. Remember, have faith in yourself and believe in the program. Positive over negative, that's the way to go.
The panic will not happen unless you want it to. Unless you purposely set yourself up to fail. You know what panic is. You know what causes it and how to make it go away. Just believe and it will be gone. You and me both know you can bring it back if you want to, that is the purpose of exposure once the coping skills are in place. They prove to you that there is no basis for panic. What ever was causing it was false. If you believe this then when it appears it will have no power. You might never have another attack. But if you do you will have the skills to tell it to go away. Do you think you can do this. Remember when it happened before you did not know what it was. Now you do. CBT works, this program works. You will be fine, Just please don't stop at coping, too many quit there. You need the whole enchilada. It worked for me, it will work for you. I'm not a grey beard veteran. I'm only a little ahead of you, only a couple of months actually, I've only been here almost a year. And I am not going back ever. I like life this side of the fence.
I just finished reading your post and am so excited for you. You saw your therapist this week and went to check out the some classes at the local collage by-yourself. You have accomplished so much this week and should be very very proud of yourself. I am so proud of you. You are making real progress. This definitely calls for a special reward. By the time next fall rolls around you will have no problem with your classes. I am sure of this. You will probably be in some sort of class before next fall gets here. You can do this. You already are. You are winning the battle.
So last week was my first "official" week off work, and it was kind of boring...BUT I did manage to get a lot of things accomplished. I visited with my therapist, and we had a great session so I'm really looking forward to seeing her again. But the biggest thing I did was I went to a college here in the city to inquire about the Animal Health Technology program (basically, that would make me a veterinary assistant). Anyway, it was pretty scary but I went - by myself! The reason why school(s) scare me is because University is where I first had my panic attacks, and not knowing what they were. I'll admit I'm just ecstatic to go back to school next fall, but at the same time really scared too. I'm afraid of failure, just terrified...especially in a school setting because in 2006 I had to withdraw from University because of my panic. I'm just afraid that this is what will happen again next fall. I had a good hour long chat with my brother's girlfriend, who graduated from the AHT program this summer, and she told me all about the school, her job and everything and I was just THRILLED I can't even begin to explain how excited I was. But then these memories keep flooding back to me...y'know, like...going to school and stuff. I'm just scared. I don't want a repeat of what happened in 2006. I want to be good at something, I want to succeed - I don't want the panic holding me back all the time. I think what scares me the most is that say during the coming year I get all better and I start leading a normal life again and then all of a sudden I go to school and then bam...panic sets in and then I'm back to square one. I think out of all this...that's what scares me the most.
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