Hi Spartan: You're beginning to see that it doesn't matter where you are - your thoughts and emotions follow you, are a part of you wherever you go. Believe that this CBT program is teaching about this disorder and that with this understanding, you will get better. Believe in the coping techniques you are practicing every day, the breathing, the relaxation; the knowledge you are learning of what's happening re: your thought patterns which may be negative instead of positive. When you become aware of that, switch to a postive thought, lots of positive self talk helps.
You could take a time out, get a big glass of water, sip it all down while thinking positive thoughts. Do some deep breathing with positive talk. It's just a setback. Remember the two steps forward and one back. Sometimes it's one forward and two back. This happens at times but it doesn't mean you are failing. Failing would be if you didn't return to your old home because you are fearful of another attack.
This is rebound. You are actually getting comfortable away from home but your mind won't let you believe it. You are saying to yourself this isn't supposed to happen even though you know it is. It is a good sign. Just ignore the confusing thoughts and accept it. You are going to get better, no matter how many time you have this type of sabotaging thought. You now have two safe spots even though you don't want to believe it. There is that word again. "believe"
That must have been really unpleasant! I've had a similar thing happen as I've readapted to living away from my parents this spring. For a while no place felt "safe", but soon the new place I'm living became that place.
I used to be really upset when panic attacks would come "out of the blue", but as I've worked through the program I've realized that there is always something that triggers a panic attack - something in the situation or something that's going on that you're not recognizing is causing anxiety (that's what it often is for me - I ignore emotions, things that upset me, etc. until they come out as panic). Since you've had a lot of anxiety about being at one home or the other, maybe going for a visit just stirred all of that up for you?
I recently have been really afraid of developing agoraphobia too, but I keep making myself go out and face at least some of my lesser fears to keep it from getting worse.
Something strange happened to me today, and I'm not at all pleased with it...I'm actually quite upset.
I get really constricted breathing when I am very anxious, or if I know I have to go someplace I don't really want to go, or if I'm just having a crappy day and I don't want to leave the house. So this morning I left my apartment with my husband to go to my Mom's house to actually spend time with my little brother and play video games. Anyway, about half an hour into our visit I got the very constricted breathing and it was very out of the blue and scary. My first instinct was "I have to get out of here", which was alarming. Then after a few minutes when my breathing wouldn't return to normal I thought, "I have to get out of here...I need to get home". And it was like I got punched in the stomach, what was I thinking?? Usually when I have a panic attack at home (my apartment) I cry and want to go to my old home, my Mom's house. But then today when I had the constricted breathing at my Mom's house I just got this overwhelming feeling that I needed to get home. I'm just upset because my old home was (and I thought still is) my "safe place". I just don't understand how this could happen. I'm beginning to feel like no place is safe anymore.
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