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Challenging thoughts of being crazy

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

Dawuad -

I too wanted an instant cure to my anxiety - I think we all do. Eventually we come to the realization that it will take time and hard work, but also that it will be totally worth it to work through the root causes of our anxiety (as loves trees said) and regain the freedom in our lives.

With regards to the program, I did too much reading and too much homework at the beginning too. It is important to work on it every day I think, but also to take time to do something else that you enjoy that will hopefully take your mind off of working through all this. You do need to put a lot of time into it, but not all your time - then you'll just wear yourself out really fast! Find something to do that you really enjoy. Take care of yourself as you work through all of this, because it is hard work.

Maybe try writing down anything during a panic attack, even if it is not what is happening during that time? It might get your thoughts flowing out of you and onto the paper, which might help reduce your anxiety. I have trouble figuring out sometimes what it is I'm so afraid of in my worst moments of panic, but writing freeform sometimes helps reveal some of the underlying issues and negative core beliefs.

I tried working through the program too fast at first, too. I found I had to start over, re-read the material more slowly, and give myself one lesson a week to really process the content and work through the homework as intended. It helped! I'm still in the middle of the process but am definitely making progress.

Keep us posted, and feel free to vent or ask questions any time!

Teebs

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Loves Trees!

Very well articulated! I love to see hear about your thought process and growth. I can't believe you have only been here for a couple of weeks and have growth so much already. And contributed so much I might add.

Thank you for your honesty, openness and compassion!

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Hi Dawuad,

I'm going to just share what popped into my head when i read your recent post - the part where you say you want instant results even though you know it takes time.

A week or so ago, I was asking on the forum here about making friends. Ashley posted and challenged me to think about becoming my own best friend. I admit, this was not something I enjoyed reading at the time. But because I really want to get better, I have committed to taking in all the advice given here and give it fair consideration before throwing any of it out, no matter what it is or how I react when I first read it.

So Ashley suggested I befriend myself and I've been thinking about that since then.And then I read your post, and the word "instant" popped out at me.

Click.

Can you become instant best friends with someone? Not really.

And what I have come to realize this week is that addressing my anxiety involves befriending myself - getting to know a part of me in the same way you get to know any person better the more time you spend with them. Does this make sense?

The "cure" is more of a befriending or re-befriending. Finding out things about yourself (things you may not want to find out but in the end , underneath anything that is pain, you will discover you are loveable, this I know is true). It takes time to become your own best friend and by this I mean, someone who fully understands what you've been through, what you need and want, and the struggles you face. The program seems designed to put someone on a path to know what they did not know about themselves in order to become their own best friend, their own comfort and person that knows them best and can help themselves (sometimes by knowing when to ask for others) during times of need.

I do not write this from a hokey or new agey perspective. This program is about addressing the root causes of the anxiety. I love thinking about pulling out a weed from its roots. It means more than just hoping to grow flowers over a weed patch. But i can tell you, my negative roots are deep and feel unmoveable at times but this program helps to root the weeds.

When I feel impatient, I will try to remind myself that there are things I need to learn about myself in the coming days and months that cannot be rushed anymore than any other relationship can be rushed.

Even parents of a newborn say it takes a bit of time to truly fall in love with the newborn. Yes you love them upon birth but you get to know them over time. Then you fall in love with them a bit more each moment you spend getting to know them. The same thing holds true for ourselves. We have to get to know ourselves better whether we are up against anxiety or not, but especially when we have anxiety.

The tools for the job are here on this site.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

dawuad10

If you are that far in the program all ready then you are travelling to fast, slow down. Here is a positive thought for you. Slowing down may waste a bit of your life right now but not getting better wastes all of it.

Writing negative thoughts! split the page. On one side right the negative thought but on the other write what would change it to positive if you can. All the ones you can not put a positive spin on write down again and see if they have something in common. This is a core belief or beliefs. You have to concentrate on how you look at them and change how you look at them. The others that you could put a positive spin on will fall in line if you fix these very negative ones. And how you fix them is by fixing how you perceive them, not them. They will change with you.

You will not see any significant change for another week on the Lexapro and it will peak at six weeks at which point you may have to adjust the dose. Usually down to what just works. We don't want you so fogged in you can't concentrate.

Writing during a panic attack is almost impossible but the reason for the impossible exercise is so you can see the reason you are panicking is unreasonable and it will shut down. Continuing to write down after it is gone is to reinforce this thought. It works.

There are good "what ifs". What if I get better! ( a scary one actually because if you get better you have to pick up the pieces of your life and get on with it. No where to hide )

What if I did this instead? What if I'm wrong?

You have to go through this you can't hide, but you can rest and you can treat yourself good.

You will get better, you will win. Stick with us. I will not let you not get better. I believe in you so you better believe in yourself.

When you can't find any thing positive to write then write, "I'm an idiot for believing this." it is like Stacking blocks, every little bit contributes to a solid base.

The reason to write negative things is so you can see that that is just what they are. Out in the open in your face where you can deal with then. It also makes you realize just how much you have to deal with and how long it is going to take, and it will take time but one day you will discover that it is going.

And when you do you will come here and post it and it will be reinforcement to bake it even better. Group therapy works, and we are a group for that very reason.

Here for you,

Your friend

Davit.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Hi Dawuad,

Please be patient with yourself. It does take time but if you stick with the program you will see results. Panic is highly managable. All the members in the support group would agree that you will get a hold of this, just persevere. Every member here started off just like you.

Your questions are tricky and I encourage all members to take a crack at them!

A few suggestions I can offer:

-If you are unable to write down your thoughts and symptoms during a panic attack do so very soon after

-Build up the intesity of the exposure gradually. If you are unable to complete an exposure session then next time try something a little easier. Remind yourself that achieving any level of exposure is a big deal and if you are unable to face certain fears that is ok, it will come with time and practice.

Keep on working at it and you will get there!

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 23

Thank you all for your advice. My problem is probably that I want instant results and I want something or someone to 'cure' me, and I believe that will have to me. I have only gone to my therapist twice and I guess I am not seeing the results I want yet. I have been on Lexapro for about 1 week and have not seen any significant changes either. I think I need to give it some more time, it is just that when such thoughts enter my mind - all I can think about are the 'what ifs' and the only solution that my mind comes up with is that 'you have to go through it, you can't run from this problem, just go through it'. That is when I start thinking the 'what if' - what if I can't find a solution - what if I get so tired and angry that I do something stupid. Davidt is right, I need to believe in myself.

You guys have been great, but maybe you can help me a little further with the program on this site. You see I read some of it and attempted some of it. For example, on writing down every negative thing that comes to my mind. Unfortunately when I began that exercise then I spent most of my day writing the negative things because then all I could do is think of negative things - it almost became something I needed to do rather.

Second, writing down whenever I have a panic attack. Well the problem is that when I have a panic attack, all I want to do is to face or to say to myself 'what is the worst that can happen' and basically at that moment I am unable to write down what is happening at that time.

Third, as far exposure is concerned - all I do is prepare myself for exposure work. Meaning I am always thinking of ways that when next time I have these thoughts what I will do, and when I am unable to do it then I become a little upset and sad that I was not strong enough to face my fears.

I haven't completed the program only because I am still stuck up until Lesson 6. I can't go beyond that because I am unable to do the homework properly. And when I do the homework then it almost becomes an obsession where all I do is that.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 180

Hi Ya dawuad10:

I too have been there, thinking I was going crazy. You know what after all I have been through 5 - 6 panic attacks per day, afraid from everything and anything, depersonalization. I eventually mastered my Panic Disorder & with hard work and perseverance you can too.

My one piece of advice because I did the same thing as you stop reading so much about anxiety and panic. I kept reading, researching , looking for that magic cure, the one thing that would make everything ok. I kept thinking it was someone or something, a book, but I was the only person who could ultimately help me with the guidance of my psychotherapist. With too much reading you can take on other peoples issues, symptoms. You end up saying what if this happens to me, everyone one is individual in their symptoms & the way they respond to them.

Instead try to focus on recovery because it is possible. Make use of the forums as there are a lot of people who are/have gone through similar experiences and know just where you are coming from. I know there have been many times when I was in the depth of despair & posted on the forum, only to find comforting words from other sufferers or the moderators.

During my battle & subsequent recovery of Panic Disorder I was able to back to school in over 30 years, receive an A- in college english, teach myself PowerPoint and receive 100% on my presentation, completed a work placement & so much more.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 659

dawuad,

Welcome to the group and program. Reading and working the program here really helps. You will not go crazy working the program and you will actually start getting better. I have thought I was going crazy at times in my life and I was wrong. I am not going crazy at all. Please start reading the program and working on it slowly and you will see your self getting well just like the rest of us here. I also worked in the depression center and it helped a lot.

Red

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12049

dawuad,

Very well put Davit! I don't want to confuse the matter by adding more, but you may want to start a journal and use the diary section. This can help you pinpoint where these thoughts are coming from. Reinforcing the positive thoughts is key and do continue to talk to your doctor and therapist to help you.

Keep posting, the members do know where you a re coming from and they can help.

Josie, Health Educator

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

dawuad10

You did the exposure for a heart attack and it worked but because of the negative core belief it just transferred itself some where else. It is still pretty strong. Exposure is only part of the answer. Coping skills have to come first. Facing your fears is okay if you have a positive way of dealing with them. ( coping ) If you don't have this you will have a negative reaction and actually make it worse. Oh the panic attack will go, but you haven't fixed anything you have just timed out, the problem is still there. Don't fear the psych word, I have been there. All that happens is they give you some medication so you can relax in a nice homy like atmosphere. There are no chains and whips or straight jackets. You even get to eat with real silver ware. And you get to talk to people just like you. It is like group therapy, which we know works which is why we do it here. Can you read some posts from a couple weeks back. They talk about core beliefs. And believing in yourself. Fear of fear is real so you are not going crazy.

The best thing you can do for you is admit you have misplaced negative thoughts and you have to change the way you look at them. That is the key, you have to change how you are looking at them. Stop thinking it is hopeless and believe in yourself. Key word. BELIEVE. It is more about perception than the actual belief. If you really believe it is wrong then it is.

Keep the questions coming, you can beat this thing.

Here for you.

Davit.

Ps. By the way I am not just proposing you get over it, It is more complicated than that.

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Challenging thoughts of being crazy