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Coping with Work

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

It has been two weeks since I worked my last shift. My plan was to take some time off to try and regroup and then see if I could go back and pick up some more shifts again. It took a long time for my boss to finally understand what I was going through and when he finally "got it" he rearranged the schedule so I could take some time off. Now that things are slightly more manageable (I'm not feeling on the verge of a panic attack all day every day anymore) I'm trying to decide what to do next.

I tried checking in with my boss since I haven't heard from anyone at work for two weeks but he didn't get back to me. I know they have been scrambling and short staffed so I wanted to see if I could pick up a half shift here and there and honestly it hurts a bit to not have heard back. I know the company can survive without me but it was a big step for me to try and reach out and see if I could help and then to not hear anything back at all was disappointing.

Part of me tells myself to keep working on exposure without the added pressure of work. I have this strong core belief that I need to be working a job and earning money to be doing something useful and I have been trying to challenge that by telling myself if I take time to really face this anxiety issue head-on that is extremely useful too. Someone told me I can make money later, and that it is more worthwhile to tackle the anxiety now rather than have it come up again and again as I push myself too hard. I'm trying to get this through my head but I still feel somewhat worthless if I'm not taking any shifts at my job.

I've had a couple of better days yesterday and today so I keep feeling like I should call work and pick up a shift. I think this might just be me pushing myself too hard too fast again.

Thanks for listening to me vent as I try to sort out my thoughts....

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Teebs

First you have to establish one way or the other if you want the job. Say you do, it sounds like there are good reasons. So put that positive core belief to use. Do the best you can, give the paying people the best you can. Give the owners your best, even if you don't agree with them. This should make enough happy emotion to make up for the lack of control emotions. But still it is a 50/50. split. What to do with that other 50%. You have to find something to keep your mind off it. This is the agoraphobia part. This will be tough, you need more than just a distraction. You mentioned taking pictures. That is a you thing, something you do for you. Something you have control over. Seems there is still a little left not taken care of, but it is pretty small. What can you do with this last little bit of agoraphobia.

So far I've got you want to make people happy because it is something you have control of and you want to do something for you. Both happy emotions, very positive and also good distractions. Is it enough?

Now if you can find enough reasons to like the job there will be no bad emotions to build up and boil over, If you can't them you need a way to vent them off. Like kicking a can all the way home. Releasing the anger. You have to release it or it will be waiting for you next day. And you don't want to start the day mad.

Some thing to think on, why do you not like this job? How much of that can you change or ignore?

I need to know more about the job and your likes verses your dislikes. How much you time do you get during the working day?

Here for you, trying to help.

Davit.

Ps venting about it will help to clear up some issues.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

Hi Davit,

I'm not sure I followed everything you were saying, so let me check in and see. I do have a core belief that performance and quality are more important than making an extra buck, but I had never really considered before that this plays a role in my anxiety. Let me talk it out - maybe it does. I do have emotions surrounding the fact that the company has changed, and I have difficulty expressing emotions. In this case, I want to avoid confrontation and I (in theory) want to keep working at my job, so I keep all the emotions in, and eventually they may (at least contribute to) boil over into anxiety.

I also have a core belief that I should like this job, because so many elements of it are right up my alley in terms of what I like to do and what I see myself doing down the road. So there is definitely a conflict in that I DON'T like it - lots of emotions there, too. But I still often feel that the anxiety is something separate from me that I can get rid of (I know this isn't 100% realistic), so I believe that if I got rid of my anxiety maybe I would like this job again. I'm also scared to look for a different job since this is what I've known for years and I don't know if I could find something else that gets me out looking at wildlife and taking photos.

As I've thought about it over the last few days agoraphobia plays a much larger role in my current anxious situation that I realized. In the past, when I was growing up, that wasn't my major issue, so this is a new difficulty for me to tackle.

Teebs

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Teebs,

Ok what I see is Agoraphobia all right but I also see emotions and emotions are tied to core beliefs. I would say some where in your back ground some one has taught you to believe that performance and quality are more important than the bottom line and this is bringing emotions into play every time you think about the job. I think your core beliefs won't let you accept that you have no say in the job and therefore you can not focus on it's good points. If there still are any. Things change and some times we haven't got enough time to change with them, I have been there. (Jobs) Some people can say,"none of this matters" but that is because that is there core belief. You have to decide if it does matter, and how much. You also have to decide if you want a core belief that say's none of this matters. You are what you believe. But the point here is to get rid of the anxiety, Can you settle for a split belief that say's none of this matters at work but otherwise it does matter. I think you are too nice and too sensitive to do this for the sake of a dollar, but then I don't really know you. What do you want to be able to do. It is possible to have a split or technically two beliefs that control a situation. To keep working you will have to split the core belief without compromising your standards if I read you rightly. Of course I could be wrong there are so many factors and you could have different emotions and core beliefs at work here. You will have to look for and identify them. It is possible to do this all you have to do is believe and want bad enough.

Example of a split or twin core belief would be I treat my family different from the rest of the world. It is Ok to cheat people as long as I keep my family healthy and happy is similar. It is Ok to yell at people in traffic as long as I don't yell at those close to me. The problem with these is that they can over lap and you can find yourself hurting those close to you. What makes core beliefs hard to deal with is that often you do not even know they are there and if some one mentions them to you you just might say, no way. But they are tied to emotions and you, they are your emotions. So follow the emotion back all the way to what causes it and you will likely find a core belief. You will notice I did not say negative. If a positive one does not allow you to fit in then the emotions that follow can be just as damaging. I have spread myself over a large area here but I can think of no other way to explain what I think, you will have to decide how much of what I said is relevant, as only you know you. And core beliefs being how they are this could be hard.

But still doable.

Still here for you.

Davit.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

Davit,

I think riding the boat without working would be easier, but still difficult (maybe a 6 or 7 on a scale of 1-10, compared to a 9). So I know agoraphobia plays a role, but there is more there.

This job has changed a lot in the last two years. This is my sixth summer working it, but two years ago the company expanded and things got much busier and more stressful. I also feel like the employers began to focus a lot more on the bottom line than on some of the smaller things that made it a better experience for employees and customers alike. I don't know if all of that played a role in my increased anxiety, but it played a role in me liking the job less.

I think part of it might be some type of claustrophobia, too. I don't know how to describe it other than that I feel trapped on the boat just like I feel trapped on a plane when I fly (which I also struggle with). I am more comfortable in any situation where I know I could leave if I had to.

Thanks for continuing to discuss all this with me.

Teebs

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Teebs

If you can ride the boat with no trouble when not working then the problem is Agoraphobia right. But if it is still there it could be emotions that you can't let go of. Either way it will let you know which areas to work on. It could just be emotions, you could just be anxious or angry or sad because something has taken the fun out of the job. Negative core beliefs do not all come from your childhood but most do so although this could be a recent core belief it could be related to some belief you built a long time ago that will interfere with your recovery. Just some things to look at. Let me know what you decide.

You know I will still be there for you what ever you decide, you and your recovery are first and foremost important.

Davit.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

Davit -

Yes it is a tough one! There are a lot of things I enjoy, or use to enjoy, about the job, but they have all been far overshadowed by the tough few weeks I've had. The hard parts about it are two fold - one is being "trapped" on the boat, and the other is being constantly in the public eye and feeling like I have to look like I'm fine even when I'm not. It's gotten so overwhelming and so bad that I'm basically not working at all right now, and I'm not eating or sleeping normally and even having panic attacks at home. It's definitely time to regroup.

I've really realized that I push myself too hard, too fast. I had a tough anxiety/panic attack flare up last spring, and when I was starting to do better I rushed right back into working this job full-time. I was holding it together for a while, but I think it finally boiled over into panic attacks again. I feel like I really need to tackle the anxiety issue head-on, and accept that it won't be cured overnight. I need to keep working on it even when things are going better for a while, and even if that means I need to not work this job anymore to focus on getting better once and for all.

I've been thinking that after I get back to at least feeling "stable" I should go out on the boat and not work, and just enjoy the ride and try to really focus on the things I like(d) about it.

It is so, so hard for me to give myself permission to stop pushing through things and stop to take care of myself. It's also hard to feel like I'm being judged by all my co-workers, some of whom have never dealt with anxiety and don't really get what I'm dealing with.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Teebs

Wow this is a tough one. There is a lot of conditioning here and the beginning of a core belief, possibly the advancement even to a definite. So how can we stop it. Is there anything you like about this job, or getting to it. Can you tell me more about it. It sounded interesting. What don't you like about it? Can you change any of it? Is there any thing you can do immediately after it so you can look forward to just doing it so you can get to the good stuff after work? A lot of people do this, They meet for coffee after work, or meet for lunch to break up the day. I don't imagine you can get away for lunch. How about a short stroll and a look at the scenery? Just throwing things out here, don't know if any of it helps, but I want to help.

Davit.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

The problem is my good days where when I didn't have to work, and my bad days are always when I do work. So, guess what my mind tells me when it's time to get ready for work?

I haven't had a great shift at work for more than 3 weeks, and I don't know what to tell myself when I'm ready to go in, because the negative thoughts of "Here we go again" always seem to get the best of me.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Teebs.

This is rebound and others will tell you it happened to them too. It happens when you have a couple of good days and your mind sabotages you. You say I can't be OK because I haven't been before so why now. And unconsciously you pick it apart. And once the negative starts it is hard to stop it. Remember you did have good days, you can have more, no reason not to. So try again and see how many good days you can get before a bad one, and when the bad one comes right it off and start again. This is perfectly normal and just part of getting better. Do you need to work on relaxing and coping?

Just think of me when it happens, I've been there and done the same and got over it too. I'm fine and you will be too.

So glad you have a safe person to help. Don't feel bad about resorting to meds, It is temporary, just to get you over the hump. Believe me it will get better. You can do this.

Here for you.

Davit.

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