Hello Missy,
There is so much misinformation about anxiety and panic medications. I have wrote reams about the Benzo's. 1, you do not become addicted to Benzo's , you become dependant. A condition that can be broke by learning to do CBT and the rest of the program. 2. The quick fix is not a fix, it is a bandaid, it fixes nothing. 3. Not taking medication when you need it will only set you back by allowing the negative to get a better hold. If you read the posts from a few weeks back you will find this already posted as it is a common misconception about meds.
I have been there and done if not all of it them at least most of it.
If you want to be better (anxiety free to the extent of feeling and being normal) then do the program.
If you want to be able to do the program and understand and absorb it, then take the Valium every time you feel panic and confusion start to build. I will be here to help you quit them when you are ready too, but that is a subject for another day. Absolutely no one believes the program works or that they will get better when they first start.
It takes a long time but you will see some improvement right away before you get into the heavy work. It starts off quick and then gets difficult as your own mind tries to sabotage you but once you accept the principles and the theory then it gets faster. Like a bell curve. Don't give up.
Relapses are a given. You have a lot of conditioning to reverse.
Never feel week or defeated you know not thine enemy. Much of this may at times seem illogical, it does clear up in time. And most important of all you will be a perfectly normal functioning person at the end.
Here for you.
Davit.