Ladypugh: Just thinking - when you take your xanax and feel calmer, this could be a good time to do the relaxation exercises. Perhaps a tape for muscle relaxation. You may not be ready yet to do any exposure type work until you learn to relax. At first the tape may seem not to work for you. That's o.k. as it takes awhile to become familiar with what to do - and just listening - if that's all you can do. That's o.k. too. I have found for me, it took about 3 months to really "get it", to finally feel the relaxation, to allow my body to relax. It may not be that long for you and what's three months compared to the rest of your life? I have also found that repetition is the key. That is, doing the relaxation exercise - whichever one you are comfortable with - every single day at approx. the same time, and again at night before sleep. You may become agitated at first (I did because I was so frustrated that it wasn't working - or so I thought) but it will come with practice.
Pls. don't feel badly about taking medications. Does a heart patient take his? A diabetic? someone with cerebral palsy, muscular dystrophy? cancer? Why not us? We are not that more special afterall. We are human and sometimes we need help just like someone else might.
I'm saying a prayer for you because I sure remember how awful those panic days were and thinking no one understood, nor could they help me. Keep the faith.
I didn't want to take meds either in the beginning because it was my hip meds that caused this whole commotion , but as my Dr. said you can't heal if you don't get your sleep....so I started taking the meds. At first the amitriptyline ( I thought was working) but little did I know that it can take up to 5 weeks before a person really feels the effects , in turn I had to take anti-anxiety medication too. I fought it, I must admit but now I am feeling much better and I can finally absorb the information from the paniccenter and my group.
The medication is not a long term thing, he told me, it is just to help you over the hump ...you still have to do the work of healing and dealing with the anxiety. I admire those who can do it without meds, but it surely is not an embarassement if you need them at first.
I wish you all the luck with your meds. and if you just don't feel right , call your doctor ...there are other choices.
I'm sorry to hear you are having such a hard time of it all right now. If you've read my posts (vents) I'm kind of in the same boat with you , except my side effects are different. I too started a SSRI just over a week ago..celexa..20 mg daily. I was and stilll am not happy about taking meds ..I felt that I was failing myself, giving in to this thing. And I fear having to live my whole life on meds. But my anxiety disorder has gotten so bad that I couldn't function at work and home, so I finally have accepted the fact that I need medicinal help. Taking the first few pills was really hard for me, but now I'm ok with that. I just took my daily dose now. My side effects seem to be wearing off, but I'm still jittery.I am determined to see if it helps..so that means at lest 4-6 weeks! It may not be for me, and thats scarey too..but I have to try.. I am doing this CBT program very slowly...I loooked at the chapters on Exposure...I'm not ready for that yet! So I'm concentrating on learning everything I can here and getting as calm as I can be. Stick with me..I don't know how to use the instant messenger , I wish I did so we could chat. I'm on here alot though.
Oh and as far as my body, no its not an appearance thing. Its the way my body is acting. Going numb, floating, breathing, sleeping...all of these things are the vast majority of what is bothering me.
I havent found anything that really relaxes me yet. The only time I seem to be relaxed is when I take a Xanax and that only for about 6 hours.
I was able to sleep all night last night, of course when i woke up this morning I went right back into a panic. This time it was because the Dr. called last night and said my insulin levels were high and she needs me to do the diabetic diet and excersize and I really dont know what to do and what that means for me in the future.
I spoke to the Christian Therapist today before lunch. While I was there I was still anxious but I felt calmer. He said that I needed to get over the guilt of having to take medication, I needed to distract myself when these thoughts come in and that I need to apply truth to them. Which seems to be about the same stuff that I have been reading here.
Ladypugh: I am so sorry that you are having a hard time of it and not getting enough sleep. I know sleep deprivation can leave you feeling all wrung out. I want to commend you on your decision to seek help from some other sources. I think it is a really good idea to check out all your options. Let us know how it goes. You will be in my prayers.
Ladypugh: Sorry to read you are having such a hard time right now. I know when I was sleep deprived it felt like I was a zombie the next day, sore all over and really anxious/stressed out. Finally after getting all my relaxation tapes out and using them 2 at a time if I had to, it worked. I am sleeping much better and finally, when getting up, feeling revived. Pls. don't give up, you are past the worst part of the SSRI. Keep your eye on the goal - you can do this. We are here for you and you can lean on us as much as you want. I've been through these scary times, I know it's no picnic, but I am attack free today. Let us hold your hand too and console, encourage and just be there for you. God bless you and keep you safe. I will be praying for you every day. You are not alone.
My relaxation tapes include a man describing and leading a muscle relaxation and visualization, one is a woman doing the relaxation ex. and visualization and a few sleep/dreamy type music ones with birds singing, rain, ocean waves (my favourite with seagulls) and even a thunderstorm in one of them, and some classical music, but as Davit says, no crashing and banging type music. Depending on my mood I switch from male to female voice. hope this gives you some ideas.
I hope you don't mind me being critical but it is the best way I can help you. Don't worry so much. And don't worry so much about your anxious thoughts. Right now today it is good enough that you know or at least think you know where they are centred. That is one positive step. More important how are you doing with relaxation skills. Have you found anything that works to relax you. And how about things to distract you when you start to concentrate too much on the negative. These will help with the sleep which you need most. once you get some sleep then the rest of the program will make more sense and if it doesn't I will help you. Now the program takes an average of twelve weeks but that is average. That doesn't mean you have to do each piece in a certain amount of time. Some will be harder than others. And it doesn't matter if it takes you longer. The end justifies the means. I think she can up your Xanax but it is her decision. I believe there are or have been people taking more than that with no adverse side affects. The fact that you stuck with the SSRI even though you don't want to says a lot for you. Only fifteen percent of the people that try it absolutely can not take it. I am one of them. When you say "around my body" are you talking appearance? If you are, this is a phobia that can take a long time to change and I personally don't think it is all that important even though it is one of my hang ups. I am twenty pounds over weight and deformed from the arthritis. And I have had to learn to accept me the way I am. It is tough though. I hope I have been some help here. Feel free to ask any thing and if you want to tell me any thing you can use the instant messenger, I just can't answer because I use a MAC.
She is giving me .25mg of Xanax per day as needed for anxiety. We will see how I do tonight and I will call her in the morning if I dont get any sleep, since that appears to be my major issue at this point.
Also, I'm having some problem with my Anxious thoughts worksheets. All of my anxious thoughts appear to be centered around my body and challenging those ends up with a bunch of I dont know answers.
I was screaming that to my Dr yesterday. I'm going to see a Christian Therapist tomorrow to get some help from that direction. I also have an appt with a psychologist next friday.
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