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14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

It's so funny, but I finally made another entry to my OCD therapy log. It's almost like I forgot it I started it. I guess I was feeling so good for a couple of weeks that I just did not make an entry. It's funny how when we feel bad it seems like forever even if it's only 2-3 days and when we feel Good for 2 weeks it goes so fast.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 517

I'm glad to read that you had a great day.

I have trouble meditating... I'm still not sure if I'm doing it right. When I start to do yoga, all my thoughts start to run wild at first and then I say 'stop' to it and I close my eyes and focus on the back of my eyelids... and I imagine my breath going in and out. But this doesn't last long. Am I on the right track?

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

Thanks, Anerol. Telling us all that helped me realize I'm not alone.

I have to add that I had a great day today. I only took half of a 5mg diazepam and had very little dissociation or stress.

I did one thing that I think helped: Last night, I started back doing meditation with Dr. Emmett Miller's Relaxation and Inspiration program. I did it at 9:45 for the full 25 minutes. I also took two 100 milligram 5-HTP in the am instead of bedtime. I think these combined changes helped me have a good day.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 517

When my anxiety disorder was at it's worst, I had symptoms like what Wrestler has mentioned. I felt like I will crumble if I let my thoughts go and I would get soooo into it that I wouldn't realize how obsessed I'd get about a situation. I was really obsessed about knowing everything or not being misunderstood and I was also paranoid for my health and life. It is 2 years now and I don't obsess as much but still do on occasion. And I do get caught in those episodes and my mind will just run until I've created a whole movie in my head, and then I'd finally realize that it hasn't happened yet. Right now, I'm practicing to say "oh well" when I start to get those thoughts. I don't know how 'severe' everyone elses' obsessions are but it seems to be helping me a little bit. Good luck .

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2606

Hi Wrestler,

I think it is a great idea to begin writing down your symptoms. Keeping a "journal" of sorts will allow you to keep track of any changes and as you said work towards overcoming them.

It sounds like you had a productive day cleaning out your turtle tank and working on your lawn. We are always here to listen.

Check in soon to let us know how logging your OCD symptoms goes.

Samantha, Health Educator

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

Thanks for the response, Davit,

I know some of the things are not OCD, but I have a good idea which ones continue to stick in my head and become very bothersome to the point that I can't clear my head. With my list that I am compiling, I will be able to find the ones that are reaklly troublesome and work on those.

There are times where I have continuous OCD all day. I'll have a song stuck in my head, I'll also be worrying about something stupid and then scary thoughts will appear and then I go into a spiral of OCD, anxiety and then panic attacks can happen because it makes you feel like you're losing control of your thoughts.

Now I have not seen my therapist since late 2006. I tried to make an appointment recently but it's hard for me to take time off of work. My therapist's office is about 45 minutes from my house and I work 30 minutes in the other direction. But I have to find the time to schedule an appointment even if I have to take a day off. I've only been at this job about seven months so I am scared of giving myself a bad reputation, but I also have to put my health at the higest of importance. So I am definitely going to try harder this time to make it happen.

As far as other OCD symptoms, here are old ones I had: Counting a certain amount of numbers to make things even; turning a light switch a certain amount of times; looking at things to make sure they're still there; focusing on a digital clock until the time changes or the exact opposite: Trying not took look at the clock until it changes. Those are just some examples of old ones I had and some of them I still do have.

Anyway, on with my day. Was just in the front yard levelling our soil for when we lay the sod.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Wrestler.

This is very good because there are probably many out there with the same symptoms who don't know what it is and we have not focussed on OCD at least as long as I have been here. You may get questions which I think will do a lot of good for your panic side. I would even bet that the more you talk about it the more people will show up with similarities. Take me for instance I get obsessed with a puzzle on my computer that I can't do when I am anxious but I also can't stop and I will keep trying till I get tunnel vision and either have to quit or puke. But I don't consider myself OCD. When do you actually become OCD. Is it wrong to want everything in it's place and lined up or is that just being neat. Is it wrong to ask some one to repeat something because you were daydreaming. Things to think about. I think you have the right idea with charting what you think is OCD. I would be curious to know how many you find aren't really, and I for one will want to know if it helps you deal with those that are.

Good luck with this.

Davit.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

Hello again everyone,

I have been reading over the panic program, and while it's helpful I know it cannot be everything for everyone. In reading some of my posts, I am sure you know I do have panic disorder, but it's tied in with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. This then leads to depression and all the other symptoms like dissociation, etc.

I can trace OCD all the way back to my childhood when I would obsess over something that was said, but I may not have heard corrected. So I would ask the person that said it to repeat it. I know this may sound normal to some, but it was very annoying at that age. I had a feeling like something bad would happen if I did not ask to person to repeat it.

This continues into present day. My wife might say something, and because I either am daydreaming or just in a daze, or maybe I just wasn't listening, I feel the strangling urge to find out what she or whoever said it, said.

I do find that when I just let it go, and do not succumb to the anxiety of having to know, it's a release and it actually makes me feel better, like I have accomplished a goal or overcome a nagging anxiety. But this does not happen all the time. There are times when the urge is just too strong and I have to ask and then I feel defeated and that something bad will happen like another panic attack or maybe something bad to me or a family member.

The reason for my post is that I am now going to log down the things I have OCD over. I have already started it and I am calling it my OCD therapy symptoms. Maybe if I can become more aware of these thoughts and how silly they are and write them down and keep a daily or weekly log, I can overcome some of them and possibly all of them in time.

It's been a nice day so far. I did have to work for 3 hours this morning, but since I have been home I have cleaned our small turtle tank and am about to go out and work on our front lawn because we are planning laying some sod soon.

Thanks for listening,

David

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